Wait... Together?

Chapter 8

Breakfast the next day should be awkward, Drew and I sit down at a table and a few minutes later, Henry plops his tray down in the seat right next to me. I expected things to be awkward when we got back to the cabin, when we woke up, and again at breakfast, but Henry is acting like everything that just happened is totally normal. Like we didn't skinny dip last night and, well, rub boners. That sounds weird and cringe but it's exactly what happened.

I wouldn't say he's acting like nothing happened per se, he's been smirking and winking a lot since I woke up, and now he's sitting in the spot right next to me, despite the whole table being open. We just haven't talked about it, or really anything, since last night. Mindless small talk about how we slept and what we thought breakfast would be, but we hadn't talked. At least not like we did last night.

I'm weirdly self-conscious about the whole thing. I mean we met yesterday, and yesterday was my first time realizing I might not actually be as straight as I initially thought. This is weird, there really isn't any denying it.

I shift, slightly uncomfortable, I feel like I should talk to Eden about this, but then again, I really don't think I should be talking about my sex life with my cousin. Even if we didn't actually have sex, I still feel weird about it. I can talk to Drew, he loves talking about sex, he might understand. Plus, I think he already has a weird sort of understanding about what's happening between me and Henry.

I finally realize they've been having a conversation this whole time when Drew calls for my attention. "E?" He says, waving a hand in front of my face. "You good? You're weirdly quiet this morning."

"Yeah, I'm good. Just tired." I smile, trying to reassure him and the rest of the table that nothing is wrong.

"We're all planning on going swimming tonight after dinner, you down?" His voice is softer than usual, indicating he can tell that something is wrong, it's his weird way of asking me if I'm actually okay without announcing it to the table.

"Yeah, sure." I glance at Henry, his eyes already on me. He's wearing a soft smile and his hair is perfectly messy, like he spent all morning in the mirror to make it look that way. "I think I'm gonna head back to our cabin for a bit, I have some things to do before activities." I stand up from my spot and grab my untouched breakfast tray.

"I'll join you," Drew says, following right behind me. We walk to the trash cans to throw out our leftovers and head toward the door. When we're out of earshot from the rest of both teams, Drew asks, "Okay so tell me what's really up. What happened with Henry that's got you so freaked out?"

I stare at the ground and kick around a rock, my hands shoved in my pockets and my shoulders are stiff. "I don't know, man. I-" I take a breath. Drew would understand, he's never been homophobic to anyone. He wouldn't care, right? "I think I might be gay," I say, eyes still glued to my feet as we walk.

I'm bracing myself for whatever he says next, for the worst-case scenario, when he says, "Okay." I don't know why I'm surprised, but I kind of am. I look up to make sure I heard him right and he gives me a small smile, assuring me he really doesn't care. "Did Henry do anything to upset you?"

"Um, no. Not really. Last night he brought me to this little pond place and we talked a bunch. He kind of wanted to go swimming and, I don't know where it came from, but neither of us had our swimsuits on and I thought it would be fun and something to kind of cross off like a bucket list type thing." We finally make it to his cabin and we head into his shared room. Luckily, his roommate isn't back from breakfast yet so we have some time still. "I suggested we could go skinny dipping."

As I sit down on one of the beds, he finally says something. "Okay. Did anything else happen?" He sits across from me on the other bed. His eyes are burning into me, filled with curiosity and concern.

"We, um," How the fuck do you tell someone about something like this? "He's really hot and he has perfect abs, and he got kind of close."

"Did you get a boner?" Drew tends to be extremely blunt, especially in conversations like this. But I nod anyway, still uncomfortable talking about this.

"He had one too, I could feel it. He was also kind of flirting with me before that and I swear he was gonna kiss me but I might just be a little delusional." My breath is shaky, something that happens when I'm nervous or uncomfortable. "It's all just kind of freaking me out. Everything's happening so fast, I'm just not used to it."

I lay on my back, trying to get a little more comfortable. I hate talking about feelings and emotions. It's scary. Drew doesn't judge me though. He never has. Which is why I'm talking to him about this and not Eden or my parents, they just don't understand as much as he does.

"I mean two days ago I was straight, I had never liked anyone and I was okay with that. But now I'm just confused. I think I like him but I've known him for a day. Is that weird? I feel like it's weird." I sigh, frustrated with myself and my emotions. I don't understand how I never noticed. I mean, looking back it feels kind of obvious. "I feel kind of stupid for not realizing earlier. It seems so obvious."

"You aren't dumb for not realizing sooner. Some people are 30 when they come out. Some are like 60. It's normal to realize it later." I know he's probably right but I'm still so frustrated with myself. I should've known. I should've known. "And as far as you liking him goes," he continues. "It's perfectly normal to fall for someone that quickly, it really just depends on the person. Just take a breath, you're gonna be okay."

He's right. I'm stressing myself out way too much. "I feel like I'm gonna throw up."

"Yeah." He walks over and sits on the bed with me. I sit up so I'm right next to him. "I'm sure you do. We have a little bit still, you can rest in here. I'll be in the family room, okay?" I nod and lay back down as he gets up to leave.

"Wait, Drew?" He turns back around and looks at me. "This is your bed, right? Not some random basketball dudes?"

"Yeah it is. Don't worry." And with that, he leaves and closes the door behind him.