Nightmare {h.s | au}

1.28

In my eighteen years of life, I've managed to do some horrible things albeit some great things too. I've always felt remorse afterwards but never going into the situation. Some blame it on the fact that I'd never really known what was ahead of me. I blame it on the fact that I believed that it was what was right for me because my guilt never lasted longer than a couple of days.

As I sat on the porch and stared at my boots, I knew that this was just a selfish move, the regret was going to last more than a couple of days, and my toes were cold. The temperature of my feet didn't matter as much as I had hoped it would because even that kept reminding me of Harry.

Harry's Mustang pulled up outside of my house. He was on his way to get out when I was already on my feet and started down the walkway. The slight drizzle pushed him to move faster than I was to get me inside the cab. Once I was, he all but ran around to get in. He gestured to the heating and A.C. as if to quietly say that I was in control. I smiled as I cranked the heat and leaned back in the seat.

"How long were you sitting there?" he asked, pulling away from the curb.

I shrugged, "Not long enough to make a difference."

I'd been sitting out in the cold air for roughly forty-five minutes as an attempt to get my thoughts straight. My mind had been a jumped mess ever since Louis's call during lunch. At one point, I wasn't really sure which way was up and which way was down. It had really shown when I had gone to pick up Sam and told him what my name was instead of what was for supper.

"How was your prior commitment? You seemed pretty messed up after lunch."

I looked over at him to see the worry etched into his features. He was someone that genuinely cared. Harry wasn't Louis, wronged beyond recognition. Harry was...just a guy who was working to get what he wanted. What he wanted right now was me as cliché as that sounds.

"I don't really want to talk about it," I replied.

He looked over at me quickly and nodded, letting it drop. His green eyes never seemed to let it go though; they just buried what they saw into their vast depths to be used later.

"Listen-"

"Don't say anything until you've parked," I interrupted.

We rode on in silence. The streaks of water caused the view from the passenger window to be nothing but a blur of shapes and colors. I looked over at Harry and saw him as more than just a blur. He was stable and sure in this time despite what I had believed before. And I...kind of liked that. I wasn't sure about him or this or what that kiss was about or anything, but I was sure that even when I was unstable, he wasn't.

It was another way that Harry wasn't Louis.

Harry was careful and took his time choosing a place for us to talk. It was secluded and quiet. I could see a slight glow from behind us that was the city we'd just come from, but I could also see Seattle in the far off distance, lighting up in the early evening. It was pretty really but nothing that could be captured on camera...in a drawing though...

I unbuckled the seatbelt and turned in the chair to face him, the bottom of my boot hanging off the edge of the seat. For quite some time we just stared at each other. I took in the curls sticking out of his black beanie; the way he chewed on his bottom lip as the weary, brightness of his green eyes looked me over; and the small ways he moved his chest as he breathed that exposed peaks of tattoos from the V-neck of his black, long-sleeved Henley.

"What are you looking at?" I asked quietly.

His eyebrows furrowed slightly as he leaned back to look my face over again. "Why do you always look like that?"