Nightmare {h.s | au}

1.34

I always thought I was doing the right thing. As it turns out, the right thing was never for me. But, sadly no one will ever understand that. Not Harry, Angelina, Bennett...not even Reece. No, the right thing is for people who do not accept the fact that are a monster stringing people along in a well-groomed manner with a pretty smile and a twinge of wit.

My name is Eden Grace Nelson and today I will abandon all hope.

As I look Harry in the eyes Friday morning, I realize what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. I am using Harry to glimpse at a source of happiness even if it is brief. And the reason is quite simple: I killed a thirteen-year-old girl.

"I killed Felicity," I said, turning to look at the school.

I don't deserve to wear this cheerleading uniform or put my pretty, blonde hair back in a curled ponytail. None of what I was doing did I deserve because I was still breathing and Fizzy wasn't. Louis's little sister was dead because I told Naomi Peridot that she was the mole in the whole operation, but it was Chloe.

"What?" Harry said after what seemed to be too long.

"I saved a life by ending a life, Harry."

There was another pause and finally Harry was getting out of the car. I watched his back move away from me as he approached the school, and I was left alone in the car.

My name is Eden Grace Nelson and today is the day I tell the truth.

I did not decide this on a whim although I do decide many things on a whim. But, it happened again as I was curling my hair in front of my mirror this morning. I saw Felicity standing behind me with blood trailing down her face and a hole in her forehead. She smiled as if there wasn't anything wrong just like every other time I saw her. This time...this time she talked to me...asked me to be happy.

There is no way to be happy at the end of the day knowing it was your words that ended someone's life.

I walked up to the school, ignoring anyone who wanted to chat. My mind was too busy, my heart racing too fast, my body numbing itself. There was another one coming. I was minutes away, but I refused to believe it. I refused to have it.

I walked past everyone at the lockers, past homeroom, and right past Harry waiting in line at the fountain. My body was pushing me forward while numbing itself to the pain of what was about to happen. Maybe this is the worst part: knowing you're going to have a anxiety attack before you even do.

"Sunshine?"

I couldn't turn around. I just kept walking until finally I was inside the nurse's office.

"Help," I whispered as I looked at her.

Worry.

Pity.

And then my favorite: fear.

I couldn't breathe at that point. I couldn't really see either. There was a lot of pain in my chest this time and I didn't understand why.

Now my back...there's so much pain and I can't breathe. I'm so blind.

There's no hope.

+

I've never woken up in a place so bright and able to see so clearly right after one of my episodes. I could also hear muffled talking outside and someone talking under their breath beside me. Hearing and seeing right away is something so strange...It's like being reborn again.

I move my head and hear the paper crinkle under my head, but the whispering stops immediately and Reece's hair looks more like a nasty mop that's seen better days. Slowly, I smile and move my hand out from under the blanket. His reaction is immediate and he's offering me water, standing, moving around like a mother...

I miss my mother.

"You act like her sometimes," I croak out, grimacing as I sit up.

"Lay back down before Dad beats my ass," Reece shushes, looking at me like he expects me to just lie on my back and take his commands.

"Who's he talking to?" I take the water bottle that's partially empty and chug the water down.

"Harry and he are talking to the school nurse."

"Harry, eh?"

"He's not as bad as I thought."

Well, he's no Clyde to my Bonnie, I thought while staring at the door.

"What happened, Eddie?" Reece asked, sitting on the stool Mrs. Markley used to examine her patients.

"I don't know," I lied, shrugging for good effect and turning to him after a second of staring at the door.

"Do you know what triggered this one?" he asked once again.

I sat there for a second, looking at him and trying to understand what he would gain from knowing. He wouldn't. He wouldn't gain a god damned thing from knowing. It would actually hurt him more and he was too stubborn to realize it now.

"I'm probably just stressed out. Basketball will be coming up soon and we're already working on tryouts for the JV and freshmen teams to see who will be doing what," I lied, again.

Reece dropped his head, "I'll let you say what you want for now, but we both know that was a bold faced lie."

The door opened as my mouth did, causing me to shut my trap right away. I avoided eye contact with Harry and looked between Mrs. Markley and Dad. The look on both of their faces said everything I needed to know, but I was refusing it.

"I'm not going home or anywhere else," I said before Mrs. Markley could speak. Reece sighed from beside me.

"Ed—"

"No, Dad. I'm going to this game tonight. I tried your way, so let me try mine," I replied, hopping off of the bed, tossing the blanket on it, and marching past all of them.

"Mr. Nelson, you should—"

"Eden will get the help she needs tomorrow, but she's right. Maybe she does know best for now."

With that, Mrs. Markley huffed as she handed the three of us passes. Reece hugged me before heading off in his own direction, and I was quite content ignoring Harry as I went on my merry way until he grabbed my arm. My heart hammered in my chest as I waited for him to say it, for him to take my home away, but he never did.

"I don't think it was you that did it," he said quietly before pulling me into his chest and holding me there.

I held onto the back of his jersey for dear life before pulling back and taking a deep breath, "Don't tell me what you think I need to hear, Harry. Tell me the truth."

With that, I turned on my heel and walked to class, knowing that I more than likely made myself homeless.

&&&

Now we all know what Eden did. Eden's stone cold. Snitches get stitches.

Just kidding. But, seriously? Reactions to that?

Also...Please don't hate me because I've been gone so long. I needed time to regroup. Things aren't always...okay. Okay?

I love you all so much.

My heart goes out to Orlando and Christina Grimmie's family. May they all rest in peace.

xoxo