Poems.

Past.

To all the boys from the past: you don't know how much pain you caused. But I have learned to move on.

I didn't believe that boys were actually looking at me until August of last year.
We can start there.

To the first: you acted as if I had already fallen for you the first time we talked. You were so cocky and distant. You moved too fast emotionally for me. You stated that you loved me within the first two weeks. That's not okay.

There was a long pause and we started talking in December again.

To the first (again): this time you said that you missed me and you saw a future with me. I don't know why I believed you. I was "too shy" for you. I don't think you understand how hard it is to open up to someone who hurt you and when you have a ton of problems that you don't want to talk about.

January.

To the second: why was I so clingy? You honestly were one of the worst people that I have ever met. You only talked to me about sex, and I didn't like it. You constantly talked about it. It was quite disgusting. My best friend (who I now love very much) told me to stop talking with him and that the second is a terrible human being. I listened to him, and from then I was much happier.

End of February to beginning of April.

To the third: why did you even start to talk to me? You were interested in my friend first and you moved your focus to me. I remember at one point I got frustrated with you because you said something that made me upset, and I couldn't show it. So I just threw ideas out, and concluded with dogs. You're the only one I told that I write. I told you that on the third day we talked. I don't know why I did. It wasn't a good idea. You were flirting with one of my close friends right in front of me. Or, behind me I should say. You were clingy. And moving too fast emotionally. You said that you loved me eleven times within the first week. (Side note: please learn from this. This was not okay. It made me feel uncomfortable.) As I look back of this, you didn't make me happy. I was happy, but I don't think it was from you. And to answer your question, I'm not sure why I said yes. (Side note number two: sorry if this hurt. It's the truth, it had to come out at some point.)

September 2013- today (June 2015)

To the one before everything started: (I'm not going to say too much, because I have written multiple things about how I feel towards you.) you're such a goof it melts my heart. I'm so happy whenever I get the opportunity to see you. With six younger siblings it can be hard to get a break from babysitting. I'm so excited to watch you play football next year, you'll do great. You're the first boy that I said I love you to. I covered it by saying something best friend related and not relationship related. But now, we can play lacrosse in the street, or play football with your 8 siblings, with five on a team. Or try to shoot on each other in basketball. And we've done all of these things.

The boys of the past don't matter anymore.

Only one does, because he started in the past and he has stuck by me these two and 3/4 years.