look after you × winterwidow & oc

IV. earth to natasha

The day continued calmly. The Avengers started thinking about their next move regarding Ultron. They had no idea how much longer they would stay with the Bartons but no one seemed to mind the company. All of the kids warmed up to them, maybe even too much. They got to know Cooper's history-nerd side and he convinced Steve to tell him some war-time stories, even if it wasn't easy to think of many suitable for a twelve-year-old.

What was even more unexpected, was that Lila and Katya got a science lesson from Bruce. The girls were totally amazed by the scientific facts he was explaining to them in a surprisingly child-accessible way with occasional comments from Tony for whom Laura had found some more tasks to do around the house. And he did all of them without complaining once. The only one complaining was Clint, who came to the conclusion he was no longer needed in his own house.

"Hey, Romanoff," Stark called from the kitchen where he was unscrewing a hinge from one of the wall cabinets. "You got a second?"

Natasha stopped her talk with Laura and got off the couch. She walked through the living area and leaned on a cabinet next to Tony.

"Remember what Rogers asked your munchkin when we were playing polyglots and how she answered?" he asked. Natasha nodded. "So I gave some thought and I don't know if you just never thought about it or whatever, maybe you simply don't want to, but it's bothering me so I'll just say it."

He straightened the hinge and started to screw it back into its place.

"You spend most of your time at the Avengers Tower, you practically live there." Tony started. "And it's clear that she wants to be closer to you so why don't you move her there? I know she said she's happy here and I'm not exactly an expert on mother-daughter relationships but I have this feeling that she might be even happier with you next to her."

Natasha knew he wasn't too far from the truth. She thought about it once or twice but never asked Katya. Never took it seriously.

"Because be honest how often do you see her? Once or twice every two weeks? Or even less."

Stark was right once again. She saw her much less than she wanted to.

"And she would be safe there, maybe even safer than here if you're worried about that. You could have a whole floor to yourself, extra security if you wanted to, and no one would bother her and if they do, I'll kick them out myself."

"I really appreciate the offer, Tony," she admitted. "I'll try to talk to Katya, and see how she feels about it but I can't promise anything."

"You don't have to." he assured "She's a nice kid, smart, cheeky. I like her and that means something, you know me."

Natasha let out a chuckle. It's not that she didn't want to build a life for herself and her daughter. She wanted to, dreamed of it even but at the same time, she was terrified to do so. She didn't want to get her hopes up. This arrangement had been working just fine for years now and she was scared to change it. What if she ruins something good and makes it worse while trying to make it better?

And if she ever made those decisions, her career would also change. She couldn't even imagine leaving Katya alone for weeks or taking her back to the Bartons every time she had to leave. But she still felt like she owed S.H.I.E.L.D. something, especially Nick. He gave her a chance for a new life. A chance to wipe out the red from her ledger. And by doing so he also saved Katya.

The day she decided to take her with her and later the moment when Fury gave her all of Katya's documents and let her name the girl (she didn't even have a name before, she was just a thing, not a person), she became something more than she ever was before. A mother. She took a responsibility for life, for the first time different than her own. An oath, even if it was just to herself. She swore to do right by her, to love her, to protect her, even with her own body if needed, and to give her everything she never had.

And now she started to question everything she did for the past seven years regarding Katya. Maybe after all she let her down somehow? She loved that girl with her whole beat-up heart and believed Katya did the same. But maybe, just maybe she resented her for some reason?

There was this part of her that was afraid that maybe they won't get along anymore if they start spending more time together. Katya's been with her for over seven years, but how much time did they actually spend together? Natasha wasn't sure if they ever spend a month together without at least a few days of interruption. And Katya was growing. She was already double digits, almost a teen.

Natasha may be a trained assassin, fighting criminals and aliens on a daily basis, but God, nothing scared more than Katya growing up to resent her. Every time they had even the littlest spat, every time she had to be strict, she felt terrible. She was terrified of doing wrong to her even though Laura assured her multiple times that there isn't a single parent who hadn't made a mistake or whose kid hadn't slammed the door in their face.

Maybe she was angry at her every time she left. Maybe she thought that she was leaving so often and spending so little time with her because she didn't want to, not because she had to? But she didn't have to. She chose to. She could have said enough. She could have stopped and agreed only on a few day-long, less dangerous missions and ask for longer breaks between them. Natasha knew she could've and should've done all of this for Katya's sake a long time ago. And yet she never did.

Because she was too afraid to openly admit to even wanting this kind of life, scared that life will laugh into her face once again and take away everything she managed to build for herself.

"Earth to Natasha!" Tony snapped his fingers in front of her face.

"What?" she asked, snapping out of her thoughts. She didn't even realize she spaced out this strong.

"Rogers wants something from you, I think he's upstairs."

Natasha furrowed her brows in confusion. The last time she saw him he was still telling Cooper some stories and the boy was doubled over with laughter. Wondering what he might want, she went in the said direction. She found Steve in the guest room she usually occupied but this time Rogers was staying in it.

"Tony said you wanted something?" she explained, stepping over the threshold and closing the doors behind her.

"To talk." he was leaning on the dresser with his arms crossed over his chest. He was holding some paper in his left hand. His expression was unreadable.

"About?"

"I was talking with Cooper. Telling him some stories and one of them included Bucky." Rogers said in a plain voice. "He told me he heard about him and saw some pictures."

"You both are in history books." Natasha was a bit confused, there was nothing unusual about kids knowing Steve and his 'sidekick'.

"I thought he meant that, too." Rogers extended his arm which held the piece of paper she noticed earlier. "But then he brought me this."

She unfolded the sheet of paper that was folded in half and took a look. It was for sure Katya's drawing. Her style was too unique to be mistaken for anyone else's. And it was as clear as that who this drawing was showing. Steve would recognize that face anywhere, and so would she.

James Buchanan Barnes, no question asked. 

i know it's short but as always, next one in two days :)