look after you × winterwidow & oc

IV. change of scenery

[selected entries from a journal of Katya Romanoff - Barnes, january 2021 - december 2021]

January 14th, 2021

Tony and Pepper finally went on their long overdue honeymoon and let me stay with Morgan. They've been gone for three days, and four more to go. Officially, I'm sick, no one has to know I have never been sick in my life. Morgan's amazing, she's two and already talking a lot, already making sentences in two languages. Tony claims she's a genius after him, of course.

I just love kids, okay? I remember how excited I was about Nate but I never got to see him much at this age. Babies are adorable, but toddlers are something else. Morgan has this amazing laugh and she just keeps surprising me. She really is smart but I'll never let Tony hear me say it. We took Gerald on a walk today, then we made a snowman. Now she's napping and I'm making dinner. Maybe we will make cookies later, Morgan loves helping in the kitchen. You would've adored her, I swear. I'm still surprised Pepper isn't calling me every two hours, but Tony did threaten to drown her phone if she kept worrying too much, so who knows?

Also since I'm speaking Russian to Morgan and now it's only the two of us, this is the longest I've gone speaking only Russian since I can remember and it feels so good.

Miss you.

February 23rd, 2021

Seventeen. I'm almost an adult, feels weird.

I've known for a while now that Tony's love language is definitely gift-giving but he's surprisingly good at it. I mean original even.

I'm sure you remember these little comics I used to draw. Like about your missions, that you told me about, some funny everyday moments and stuff. I've found some of these and the longest one too, the one I drew after I made you tell me all about the Battle of New York. Tony saw it and said they were amazing. Then I couldn't find them for a few days and it turned out that he took them and got them printed out for me, bound and everything. Like a real comic book. He says the ones about Avengers could've been a hit earlier, before Blip and even before the Sokovia Accords. Apparently, people would love it.

It's been a while since I drew comics. Maybe I should go back to that? I already have a few ideas including Morgan. Miss you.

March 10th, 2021

Happy Birthday, Papa. Cupcakes done, candle blown off. Tradition done.

April 18th, 2021

I've been feeling so out of place again lately. Maybe it's the effect of the anniversary, three years today or it's the talks about universities and our future, which already started even though I'm still a sophomore, so one more year to go. I watch all my classmates discuss this, get excited, and make plans. And honestly, I have no idea what I should do, what am I supposed to do, or what I would be good at. I never thought I would get to make choices like that. I never thought I would reach this level of normal. Truth to be told I never thought I would make it this far. I feel like I'm stuck, like a part of me is missing, something's stopping me from going forward. Maybe I really wasn't meant for this kind of life? For being normal.

Wish you were here to help, to give me some advice.

May 26th, 2021

I think you know what I am about to say. I screwed up, again. I've never mentioned it before, I was kinda afraid there's a way you can see me or something, you know I believe in ghosts, and I really didn't want either of you to hunt my stupid ass.