look after you × winterwidow & oc

I. the joke's on you

2016 

The ringing in Natasha's ears caused by the explosion was starting to fade away only to be replaced by the echo of T'Challa's words. I'll kill him myself. She barely knew the Wakandan, but somehow that made her feel anxious, despite knowing Barnes was innocent. The memory of their goodbye was still fresh in her mind, causing an involuntary smile once in a while, as it happened only five days before. Romanoff went to Lagos straight from Romania, where she met with the rest and since then things were going only downhill.

It couldn't have been him. A man who smiled so sincerely while watching a video of his daughter singing getting interrupted by her giggling, on repeat not so long ago. They were laying side by side, with Natasha nestled to his side and her head resting on his shoulder. While he was focusing on the recording, she only had eyes for him, for that utter awe on his face and grin widening with each second.

It wasn't him. Something was wrong and she was sure of it.

The screen of her phone lit up with a notification of a new message. It was from Laura, asking her to call her as soon as she can. A few seconds later, just as she finished reading the first one, the second one came, informing her that Katya saw the news and is almost hysterical with worry about both her parents.

The kids were rather not interested in daytime television, especially the younger Romanoff, but of course this one time, she had to watch the goddamn news. She still didn't know that Natasha reunited with her father over a year ago.

She quickly typed a reply, letting Laura know that she was okay and that she'll call later. She cursed under her breath when another message came, asking what should she tell the girl about Barnes. After a moment of hesitation, Natasha wrote 'Just tell her that I promise that it wasn't him and that he's safe.', hoping that the second part will turn out to be true.

She felt bad about keeping it from her, even though she was occasionally slipping some hints about it here and there, for example suggesting she could draw him something for his birthday and pretend that it was a present, even though she can't give it to him - Natasha did that for her and not long before. She did it also the other way around, passing a gift from James to her, which he bought from that scant amount of money he had, as he refused to take any financial help from Romanoff and later Laura, who was concerned about him much more than Natasha expected when she told her everything.

The birthday gift from him consisted of a book, The Hobbit, and a bunch of sweets that brought Katya a great amount of joy, even if she didn't know who was behind that present and also didn't know the simple story of why she got exactly that book. Reading Hobbit and enjoying it was one of the few memories James had of his life before the war. He also owned a copy of that book, but his was second-hand, while Katya's was brand new.

Natasha remembered the scrunch of the girl's forehead when she read the note inside, a short birthday wishes written in Russian, addressed to zvezdochka. Romanoff had no idea if she made any connections, but even if she did, she didn't say anything.

Somehow Katya never had any more visions about him, nothing that could reveal that her mom was keeping things from her. From Natasha's point of view, nothing stood in the way of finally confessing to the girl. Nothing, aside from James' constant concern about his daughter's safety. Each time she started the subject, it ended up the same. With him saying that he doesn't want anything to happen to her because of him and since he came to terms with never seeing her again before, waiting for a little while longer won't hurt him.

So Natasha kept quiet. She didn't push, didn't force, respecting his wishes and instead patiently waited for Barnes to finally change his mind. She could've told Katya anyway. But how would she explain why he doesn't want to see her? There was a chance she would somehow understand but despite her past and everything that made her different from an average kid her age, she was still just a kid. And knowing about that unique bond she had with him, she wouldn't risk making her feel unwanted, even as a misunderstanding.