C.A.R.M.A

20

Someone was coming up behind me as I stared out at the Olympic Mountains but I didn't turn. I knew by the heavy footfalls who it was, but I would wait for him to talk first.

"Is this your favorite haunt?" Tyler said from behind me.

"It helps me think," I shrugged, the movement slightly constricted by my heavy jacket and continued to stare ahead.

"And what brings you out here for some critical thinking?," he smiled, coming to stand next to me.

That I could've killed the wrong person at your company. That it could still be you. That I'm boarding a plane in a few hours.

I sighed, the breath clouding in front of me, as I turned to look at Tyler, "I'm leaving."

"It seems that everyone is leaving all at once," He took off his glasses, polishing them on the sleeve of his corduroy jacket.

I stared, waiting for him to elaborate.

It was Tyler's turn to sigh as he put his glasses back on, "My closest confidante, aside from you, has decided to take an unannounced sabbatical."

I blinked, keeping my mouth shut while he continued.

"Her name's Sloane, and she's pretty high ranking in Red Wolfe, but I don't think your paths ever crossed."

The image of my knife sweeping over her throat flashed across my mind. I forced myself to the present, blocking out the bloody, guilty memory, "No the name doesn't sound familiar."

"Well, the big reason that I brought her to Seattle with us, putting her brilliance aside, is that she is the only one at Red Wolfe who knows another big secret of mine", he glanced out at the mountains.

My mind went into overdrive. Were him and Sloane working together? Is he about to reveal that he hurt those women, too? I crossed my arms, feeling for my knives underneath my sweater.

I'd kill him, I'd end him here and now and damn the consequences of committing murder on Alki Point.

He rubbed at the back of his neck, "The thing is, Thea, I think you're going to be upset when I tell you. I've wanted to tell you for weeks."

I braced my feet subtly, moving them into a more aggressive striking position.

Tyler turned to face me, looking me dead in the eyes as he said, "I'm gay. I've been using you as my cover while I dated a man in Seattle."

My brain froze, my body relaxed out of its aggressive position, and then my thoughts clicked back into overdrive.

"What?", I asked in disbelief.

He winced, "I know I used you and you have every right to be very pissed off at me."

I continued to stare at him with my mouth open, "So that's why you wanted to move Red Wolfe to Seattle? For the man you're with?

Tyler gave me a nervous laugh, "Yea, but that didn't really work out the way I thought it would. He was there for me after everything with Suzy, and we kept in touch throughout the years. This was our experiment to see if we could do this."

"I'm sorry", I said, meeting his sad stare. "Why tell me now? Why not just disappear?"

"Honestly, I didn't have anyone else to talk to", his shoulder sagged. "Sloane was my sounding board for that relationship and now it's over and she's gone to the Netherlands or some shit."

In my mind, I fell to my knees and begged for forgiveness at his feet. In my mind, I tearfully confessed to murdering his friend even though I didn't see the evidence.

Instead I pulled myself together and with as much bravado as I could muster I said, "but, in today's times, do you have to hide?"

Tyler cut me an angry look, "Really? I didn't expect this from you."

I fumbled for something to say but he scoffed and continued.

"Seriously, Thea? How many openly gay people are CEOs of Fortune 500 companies", he yelled in my face.

Taken aback, I shook my head.

"Four, fucking four", he shouted, throwing four fingers in my face. "And all came out after they were established in that sphere." He ran a hand through his hair and threw another glare.

"Tyler, I'm sorry", I tried to touch his arm, but he moved away. "I only mean that times are changing -"

He laughed, short and bitter, "Spoken like a straight person. Times are changing slowly but it will be a long time before boardrooms and investors can accept an openly gay man on the up and up. And you know what?", cold eyes cut to mine. "I can live with myself for it!"

"Can you?," I whispered. "Can you keep this part of yourself a secret forever?"

"And what about you?," he said, jabbing a finger into my chest. "What about what you keep secret, Thea? What about what you can live with?"

I flinched as if he'd hit me. I wished he had.

"I'm going to London on business in a few hours", I refused to meet his gaze. "I don't think our paths will cross again once I'm gone."

Tyler shrugged, "Have a good flight." It sounded like, have a good life.

I started up the beach slope to my car, our fight echoing in my ears.

I turned around and found Tyler staring up at me, "Call him Tyler. You'll regret it if you don't."

He gave another bitter huff, "And what do you know of regret?"

It wasn't until I got into the car and locked the doors that I replied, "Everything."

I rested my forehead on the steering wheel, filled with regret and indecision. I should've never texted Tyler and asked him to meet me here. I should've responded better when he told me about himself.

Stupid stupid stupid.

Tyler, I realized, is my friend. The feelings that were growing, while intertwined with lust also bloomed from care and companionship. And I just hurt him...bad.

Staring out at my friend, whose shoulders shock slightly, I knew there was one person I needed to see before I boarded the plane to London. One person who might have all the answers I need, and she just so happened to be my roommate.

Pulling out my phone, I dialed her number while I threw the car into drive.

"Hello, hello!," a happy voice answered.

"Becca," I said, cutting off a story she was about to start. "Do you still have the Red Wolfe file?"

"What? No, Max does", she replied, her tone laced with confusion.

"Can you get it?", I was not above begging for this.

"Of course, why though? The case is closed", Becca replied, I heard the sound of the door opening.

"No, no I don't think it is", I looked at the clock, and pressed my foot down on the accelerator.