C.A.R.M.A

23

My days assumed a battle rhythm that toed the line of unhealthy obsession. But hey, at least I got my exercise in...to a borderline neurotic degree.

Every morning I woke up well before the sun rose and stared at Alexia's picture; stared at the petite hand with the purple nail polish. And I threw workout clothes on and trekked down to our Headquarters gym.

I lost myself in a sweat filled oblivion for an hour or so, with every pound and kick of my limbs hitting the punching bag, or feet beating the track around and around, or thrust of weight above my head on trembling arms, one word echoed in my mind.

Revenge. Revenge. Revenge. Revenge.

Then, I'd shove a protein bar in my face and wash it down with coffee before the rest of my day was filled with meetings and scheming and planning.

Which is how I found myself, at 4:30am, running around and around the indoor track. Not another soul to be seen.

My throat burned as I forced air in while pushed through another mile, and I thought about Taylor. She didn't rage and throw a fit like I thought she would after we left her suite. In fact, she came to Max and I, and offered an actual apology.

The memory was shocking enough that I almost came to a dead stop just thinking about it. But not an hour after we left her suite, she came down to her office - no, mine and Max's office - and just apologized.

Taylor offered to give full control of the Red Wolfe case to Max and I, final punishment included.

But, in exchange, she retained control over CARMA until this case was well and truly over.

I shook my head, shook the memory away, and pushed my body to run faster.

In my bones, I knew Alexia was guilty. I knew it was her, but all I had were pictures of her fucking hands and a dead woman on my concious.

This time, I needed to see her face. And I needed to know without a doubt that she was acting alone. That bringing her down would mean the end.

Then I could move on, and then I could take the reins of CARMA with Max.

I huffed a laugh out of my dry throat, and smiled at the thought. Shaking my head again.

It still surprises me how easily Max has convinced me that doing this together might not be so bad.

After all, I made a terrible mistake. We all did.

Having a partner at my side was one way I could ensure I never hurt somebody like that again. That I don't go unchecked.

I rounded the bend in the track and saw Max walk into the gym. I took my headphones out and slowed to a walk.

Surprised to feel my face lifting into a smile. His answering grin made my chest tighten, like I was thirteen all over again and boys who were friends were becoming boyfriends. I wouldn't forgive him just yet, but...I could feel the wound healing. I could feel the glow coming back when I looked at him, just a little bit.

"Hi," I said, cursing my breathy, winded voice.

"Ready?," He called, jerking his chin at the sparring ring.

I continued to smile, sauntered over to the ring with as much swagger as I could muster in my sweat stained clothes.

Max slid into the ring, "Becca and Quinn are worried about you, you know?"

I rolled my eyes, picking up the tape tossed haphazardly at the edge of the ring and started wrapping my hands.

"No witty comeback this morning?," He winked.

"I'm not witty before 8am, you know that," I threw him the tape and he caught it with a laugh.

I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck, "I'm worried about me, too."

Max paused his work, looking up at me with concerned filled eyes.

I tucked my hands in my shirt, lifting it to clean my sweaty face, "I've always been filled with this...anger. And I always let it drive me."

"Everyone has anger in them, Thea," Max said lightly, moving into an offensive position with his hands.

I mirrored his movement, "I know, I know," I dodged a punch and paired it back with my leg. "But, I've never felt this crushing guilt before surrounding a mission."

I lunged, Max rolled before saying, "We made a mistake. We're fixing it."

We traded jabs, and Max landed a kick to my stomach, but I barely felt it while I turned over his words.

"I killed her, Max," I threw a sloppy punch, which he gently caught in his hand.

"She is dead because of my bloodlust and my desire to be the Head Vixen," tears rolled down my face. "I didn't hesitate."

Max moved forward but not to strike, to gather me in his arms. And I crashed into him, letting myself break down like I've never done before in front of him. In front of anyone.

"I have this thought," he said, stroking my hair. "That her last sentence wasn't a confession, but an explanation."

I cried harder, "I know, I have that thought too."

Max held me while I cried for a long while. Long enough that we heard the door open and saw other agents start to come in for their morning workouts.

"I can't let other people see me like this," I whispered, frantic to find anything to cover my face.

Max touched my cheek, "Yes, you can."

I blinked up at him.

He touched a tear on my face, "These show a different kind of strength. These show that you are human and filled with remorse for mistakes like the rest of us."

I stared up at him. My friend.

My partner.

Maybe it was the tears, or the early morning run endorphins, but I decided at that moment to forgive Max.

I decided to push up on my toes and kiss him.

Max looked stunned as my face neared, his bright blue eyes filled with shock. But then he smiled, and took me in his arms again.

Several people wolf whistled in the gym, and a few even cheered.

But I ignored them all. It was just Max and I and our dancing lips and warmth and smiles.

We broke apart, breathing heavily.

"Does this mean I'm forgiven?", Max asked tentatively.

"It means it's a start," I replied, kissing him quickly again.

He smiled, full and true, "As much as all I want to do is kiss you today, Becca thinks she has a way to get into Alexia's suite."

I shoved him, "You're telling me this now?"

He winked at me again, "C'mon, she's waiting in the office with muffins."

"A lead and food?," I smiled wide. "What are we waiting for, Wisdom."

"Well, Killer", he took my hand, leading me out the door, past smiling agents. "It seems it's time to get revenge."

I glanced at our joined hands. It felt right, it felt whole. And as Max led me up the stairs, I felt something in me wake up.

My old nickname didn't feel like a mockery anymore, it felt like a promise.