Shawn Mendes Imagines

Mess

A/N: This imagine is for SammersMendes i love you!

"Sam, I can't do this anymore, I'm so sorry," he stood still, twiddling his thumbs, "I just, I can't deal with all of this."

"All of what, Shawn?" I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces. The thought of Shawn leaving was too much to handle.

"Things are just complicated," he mumbled, a strange tone in his voice, "between us."

"Oh," I licked my lips, clenching my jaw as to hold back tears, "I understand."

"I'm so sorry, baby girl, I just think we need...a break," he whispered, his eyes falling to the ground as he avoided looking at me.

His words rang as loud as a church bell in my ears as I picked up the small, sharp piece of metal between my index finger and thumb, relaxing at the familiar feeling of the cold object between my fingertips.

I missed everything about Shawn. I missed the way he was so kind and loving towards me, the way he spoke gently and softly, the way he made me feel. I missed the Shawn I fell in love with many years ago.

But that Shawn was gone now. The one that made me feel like I meant everything to him, the one that treasured me and made me feel important, he vanished.

Fame got to his head and now he's out traveling the world and living his dream.

I slid the sharp-edged article slowly across my wrist, watching as small droplets of the red substance formed at the base of my skin.

"I miss you, Shawn," I breathed, backing up until my back hit the wall, resting my head against the surface.

I looked down, watching as my blood dripped down my wrist and onto the white-tiled bathroom floor.

I did it again, and again, until I was satisfied, not with myself, but with what I've done. Each time was quicker than the next, watching as my skin turned paler with every wound.

Breaking down into tears, I slid down the wall, not bothering to clean my arms.

I missed Shawn like crazy, but I would never admit it to him. He didn't need me in his life; he didn't need to worry about me any longer.

"Sammie?" I heard a quiet voice on the other side of the bathroom door.

My heart stopped, my blood ran cold. The voice was all too familiar and it felt like a dream.

"S-Shawn?" I mumbled, quickly grabbing a washcloth and cleaning the damage I had done.

"I called you an hour ago, I left a message saying I would stop by because I was in town. I just, uh, I need to talk to you." He mumbled, the strange tone in his voice had returned.

Opening the bathroom door, I saw him standing there. Wearing a maroon hoodie and grey sweatpants, Shawn stood still, fiddling with his fingers again, the way he always would when he got nervous.

"Oh my god," he mumbled under his breath as I barely made out his words, "are you alright?"

"Yeah," I croaked, wiping away the tears from under my eyes and pulling down my sleeves.

"Sam, there's so many things I needed to tell you. I've been thinking on it for so long, and God knows how much courage it took me to call you up again and come down here," he bit his lip, tears welling in his eyes.

"What did you want to say?" I breathed.

"I came here to tell you that I miss you, Sammie, and I need you, God, I need you so bad. Just look at me," his hands flew into the air, tears sliding down his splotchy, pink cheeks, "I'm a fucking disaster without you."

"That break I wanted? Yeah, I realized I needed a break from my old self, and not you, Sam. You, you're the best thing I've ever known." He whispered, his jaw clenching.

"You don't want me back, Shawn," I shook my head, "not now, you don't."

"Yes, I do. It took me this long to realize it, but now I know, and I want to treat you better than I did before," his eyebrows knitted together, small beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

"No you don't, Shawn, I'm a mess, okay? I'm a fucking mess," my voice got quieter and shakier with each breath I took.

"Hell yeah, you are," he shook his head, "but we all are. You're my mess, baby girl, and I'm yours."

"Shawn-"

"Please, Sam, I need you. I'm a mess too, but we can get through this, okay? We can get through this, together," he repeated himself.

I couldn't stop myself. I ran up to him, wrapping my arms around his neck so tight, my fingers fiddling with the short strands of hair on the back of his neck.

"I love you, Sammie, I love you so fucking much."

The feeling of being held in his arms was utterly impossible to describe. It was as though I had waited an eternity for this moment, although it had only been months.

"God, I missed hearing those words."

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i almost cried writing this.

-Rebecca