Random Barnaby Oneshots (A Wattpad Fanfiction)

Tick Tock (Billie Bust Up Oneshot)

Trigger warning: death, knife and some well-deserved karma. Reader discretion is advised.

It was quiet at the abandoned mansion. The coffin shaped window glowed ominously and a figure that is blacker than obsidian walked by it. Most claimed that there's a dangerous entity inside of that mansion. But the only people who never got that memo end up disappearing. Those who do get that memo and choose to head inside... Are either fucking idiots or supernatural fanatics. I know of these rumors, but I'm going inside for a different reason: extra credit for Professor Rouge. What is that extra credit? I hear you ask. Easy: the most beautiful gemstone in the world. And unfortunately, I heard that the old mansion has such a gem.

I enter the old mansion against my better judgement. If Headmaster Sonic finds out that I used one of his travelling rings to get here, he is going to shart a brick. I thought. I glance around, my green eyes landing on an orange gem. This is probably a trap. But fuck my autism and stupidity. I told myself. I breathed in and let my fingers curl around the gem. It was bright orange and round. It felt good holding such a gem. Easiest extra credit EVER. Professor Rouge is going to love it and probably give me the easiest A in the world. I thought.

The travelling ring was getting heavy in my pocket and I took a moment to admire the painting over the fireplace. It looked like an anthropomorphic bird. The fireplace had a cozy fire and I was half tempted to curl up next to the fire and nap. Go home. Sonic is worried. I told myself, about to leave.

Then I hear a fruity, male voice demand, "Stealing my stuff, are we!?" I freeze, turning towards the doorway. I turn to look at the owner of the voice and my stomach churned. There was a gigantic figure blocking my exit. The first thing I noticed was that the figure was blacker than obsidian. Then I looked past the bird legs, up the bright purple tweed jacket and past the bowtie. That face... Ugh. That face is going to haunt my nightmares for the rest of my life. The mouth was just a beak. The eyes are bright orange and filled with insanity. The beak opened, and the fruity voice escaped from that beak, "I ought to just kick you out!"

I trembled since the size of this bird was massive. Then the giant bird glanced at me again. I didn't want to fuck around. So I started running. I didn't get far. Stupid. Why didn't you shift into your original form!? I cursed myself as I felt a talon wrap itself around my waist. I felt myself get higher and I shove the gem in my bra. "Drop it!" I shout, making my voice crisp and sharp.

Then the giant bird eyed me, one huge eyeball trained on me. I knew he was examining me closer. "Wait a minute... You're not dead." The bird muttered, then he exclaimed, hooting, "You're not dead at all! Hoo-hoo!" He put me down, his face shifting. Then he pulled out a knife. "Are you here for the party?" The bird asked.

"Uh, yes?" I reply, praying to Chaos that this was the right answer.

"Well, my dear. You're not going dressed like that!" The owl exclaimed. I glance at my outfit, which is a T-shirt, a denim jacket and a pair of jeans. I couldn't see what was wrong with it, so I glare at the bird. "I got something much more appropriate!" The bird exclaimed.

"Don't you think we should introduce ourselves?" I asked, being cordial. Something told me that being sassy is not a good idea. "My name is... Li Black. What about you?"

"Ah, my dear. My name is Barnaby Yenschufien!" The owl introduced himself, grabbing my hand with one talon and nuzzling his head on my hand. Sounds Jewish. I think we're going to be getting along well. I thought, calming down a little. The next thing he said made me rethink my life choices. "So, how do you like to die, my dear? Would you like to be stabbed? Strangled? Oh-hoo! What about poison? That kind of death is my favorite!" He offered me an apple, but something told me not to eat it.

"Let's pick out something to wear, and when I'm dressed, we can discuss the manner of my death. Is that fine with you?" I ask, hoping I prolonged it enough to make my escape with the travelling ring.

"Splendid idea! I've got the perfect thing for you!" Barnaby ushered me out with a sweep of his wing. Then he dropped his voice, "Dear. I believe you have something of mine."

"I'll return it when I'm dressed. I promise." I whisper back. My fingers were crossed inside of that jacket. He started walking me towards a boudoir, his height towering over me. I silently prayed to Chaos that I pulled this off. Barnaby ushered me into a room, his obsidian feathers gleaming in the light. Then he pulled out several dresses.

"Pick one out, please. I personally like the red dress." Barnaby pressed, hooting when he was done. Then he pulled out a knife and I knew exactly why he loved the red dress: to hide the blood stains.

I shooed the owl out, scared that he would peek at me or worse. Then I pulled out the travelling ring and whispered, "Green Hill Zone." I chucked it at a wall, watching the ring grow to the size of a human. Then I made my bold escape, sprinting through the ring. I spat, "Sike!" Then I began to run back to STH Academy.

I didn't get far. I ran right into my bully, Emma Warren. Her pink spikes shook as she sneered, "Life is sex and wine!"

"I honestly don't give a fuck!" I yelled.

"Pet, you're just a stupid Sasquatch of an American." She replied flippantly.

I heard a rustling of wings, and I knew that I was fucked. "Trying to run away from your death, dear? Or are you avoiding my little party? Oh-hoo! And I see you got a plus one." I turn to see Barnaby blocking the sun. His grin looked downright menacing. "I'll seranade you at the party!" I saw the knife before Emma. I could hear her begin to ask a question, but that was when Barnaby swung. The knife glinted in front of my face as I dodged it. Emma wasn't so lucky. She glanced down at her torso then at me. Her face paled as Barnaby pulled the knife out. She was dead before she hit the ground, her eyes staring at nothing.

Before Barnaby could try to slash at me with his people opener, I shifted into my original form and sped at the speed of sound. This is going to be a pain in my ass to explain to Sonic exactly how Emma died. I noted, running through Hedgehog Pass as quickly as possible. I was taking all sorts of crazy detours just to ensure that I wasn't followed by that well dressed, homicidal owl. It's always the well dressed ones that tend to fuck up your day. I mused, deciding not to fuck around and find out.

No thanks whatsoever goes to atheistbisexual. Fun fact: Barnaby's last name in this one shot was made up by me. His name translates to "owl" in Hebrew, the holy language.