Random Barnaby Oneshots (A Wattpad Fanfiction)

piggy 🐽

Warning: body horror. And death :}. Reader discretion advised. Ah Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo!

Emma POV

Emma snuck into that abandoned manor yet again. She had finished having some hot [redacted] with her two partners. She was looking for wine... Again. But this time would yield results... Results Emma sure as hell wasn't asking for!

She had snuck past all of those tacky tombs with her name on them, dodged those "stupid fake ghosts" and finally find the wine cellar. She snuck downstairs, giggling at her supposed intellect. The wine cellar is dusty, but she can smell and taste the acrid good tang of aged wine. She licked her lips, the thought of fattening British dinners paired with wine too tempting. She started reaching for the wine... Only to pause.

This can't be possible. Magic isn't real! She thought as her fingers started fusing together. She can feel herself becoming plumper than usual, her ass sliding out of her jeans. She screamed as she felt something pinch her. Her screams turn into frightened squeals as she found it impossible to stand upright.

She kept squealing when she bent on all fours. Her Oxford sweater was shredded as she started panicking. She grunted as she tried to run. She couldn't move. Her ears got longer. Then she heard two voices. One of them was "that stupid bird that thinks the afterlife exists" (at least, that's what Emma thinks) and the other was that foreign idiot, Alison Hedgehog.

"My, my, Alison! That is a lovely trap you set! Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! Guess tonight we're having bacon!" She heard a male voice hoot. She looked up, scared. She saw two shadowy owls dressed as if they went to Oxford. Don't be stupid! Owls don't go to Oxford! And they don't wear waistcoats! Emma reminded herself.

"Sounds fun! Ready to slaughter the sow?" That American brat asked.

"Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! You know I love killing pigs... I honestly love the thrill of the hunt." The pink wearing giant owl replied as he hugged the black owl wearing blue. Then the two birds start slowly circling her, walking like owls about to attack. Emma didn't have half a chance to defend herself as she felt talons rip at her neck. She squealed, in pain. She slowly blacked out...

Barnaby POV

The giant black ghost owl licked his talons as he started butchering the pig. He skinned the fat sow, not realizing that his green eyed counterpart swiped an organ. He got to work making bacon, headcheese and other pork related delicacies. Then he called his Barnaboos and Ali for dinner. The Barnaboos came running... But Ali didn't. Barnaby headed up to Ali's room, becoming purple mist. He solidified next to Ali, who had a round, pinkish brown thing in her talons.

"Ali, why aren't you eating the spoils of your spell?" Barnaby asked, placing a wing on her shoulder.

"Oh, Barnaby! I hate telling you this, but I'm Jewish." The smaller owl replied as she was placing her forehead against his chin, a sign of respect. Barnaby scratched underneath her chin as she added, her eyes glowing green from embarrassment, "Don't get me wrong. I like bacon but bacon hates me." Barnaby noticed her embarrassment.

That was when Ali changed the subject cheekily. She stepped over outside and threw the thing at Barnaby. It made a jingling sound as he caught it. He poked it and batted it around. His red pupils dilated. Ali giggled, pleased to see that Barnaby enjoyed the new stim toy she made for him.

Then he asked a question. "Ali. How did you make this?" He asked.

Ali replied, too eager to share, "I made it from a pig's bladder! They used to make footballs this way!" Her black tail feathers shook with excitement as she explained, sticking her emerald green tongue out.

Barnaby stuck his own orange tongue out with a grin. Ali ate mostly kosher... Except for pepperoni and soupi. Barnaby stared at her. "What? Not all Jews are strictly kosher." Ali quickly explained. "I'm probably going to feel it tomorrow." After dinner, Barnaby and his Barnaboos decided to play kickball with the pig's bladder. Since there are two ghost owls, Ali and Barnaby are both captains of kickball.

No thanks whatsoever goes to Emmagranada. At least the afterlife is a real thing. I'm proof of that. Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! Thank you so much for reading this! And note: anything said about Emmy Warren is not a reflection on all British people. Just a reflection on her disgusting character since she acts sickening and is a poor example of a human. The Billie Bust Up developers are very polite, well spoken and nice. Support them, not Emmy.