Random Barnaby Oneshots (A Wattpad Fanfiction)

Snake Eyes

Warning: Something happened with Barnaby that is open for interpretation but it is traumatic. Reader discretion is advised. Also death.

Narrator POV

Barnaby was getting ready for his next party when he heard his front door open. He rushed forward, excited. After patching things up, he gets super excited whenever his granddaughter turned friend Alison Hedgehog comes over. He slid down the dusty banister with excitement, his swirling orange eyes sparkling with happiness. Ali is so chill about being a ghost! She just shifts to fit in. I wish I had a daughter like her! She's cool, smart, sassy, and sweet. He thought as he adjusted his bowtie. He opened the door... only to see Emma there instead.

That killed his good mood. "If you are here for the wine, have fun pois-!" He began in his fruity voice, then the worst thing in his afterlife happened to him. He tried to fight her off, but she brought two ugly men. He didn't have an opportunity to fight back for whatever he was planning. He screamed, hooted, tried to break loose.

But it was too late. Emma started stuffing his beak full of seafood ice cream and root beer. He gagged, hooting and trying to yell. Emma ignored the poor ghost owl's screams for help. Something told Barnaby that help might be too late to arrive.

My POV

I knew something was wrong when I heard wailing. It sounded as if Barnaby had his feathers plucked or something. I run inside. The first thing that caught my attention was the mess. There were black feathers and what I assume was glue everywhere. I rushed upstairs, tripping on the stairs. "Barnaby!?" I yelled, keeping an ear out for hooting. I hear sniffling, as if someone has been ugly crying. I glance at the wallpaper, the teal looking calming. I slowly glance up the chandelier. I see nothing. Then I tried Barnaby's room and I found a sight that left my blood boiling.

He was tied to his own bed, kicking and struggling. Orange tears are in his eyes. There was a distinct smell of rotting seafood. Barnaby himself had his pink waistcoat and bowtie torn off. He was crying and hooting softly. I slowly approached the eleven foot tall bird. "Barnaby, shh. I'm here. Ali's here." I used my best mother voice. I start singing, slowly untying him. I felt the rope burns under his feathers. I was seeing crimson. Someone has clearly hurt Barnaby. Then I realized that it had to be Emma. I turn my ear up to the sky. I hear the sound of his Barnaboos trapped somewhere. Whoever did this is going to pay. I thought as I freed him.

That was when he started flapping his wings and screaming, "I'M GOING TO KILL THAT HORRIBLE-!" I move faster. swiftly untying his feet. He swiftly stood and pinned me to the wall by the throat. I start coughing, scared now.

I see two angry, sunset gold eyes stare at me. I squirm, tears in my own eyes. I managed, "Barnaby, what happened!?"

His eyes widened, dropping me. I land to the ground, coughing. I massage my throat, a pained look in my eyes. Barnaby backed away, trembling. Then a horrible wail escaped his glowing mouth and he hid in his gigantic closet. I raise an eyebrow. This is not normal even by Barnaby standards. I talk to the closet. "Barnaby. You don't have to talk if you don't want to. Hell, you don't even have to say anything. But I can tell you have been through something rough. I'll go make you your tea. Earl Grey with cyanide... your favorite, if I recall. But this room smells awful. And I really don't want to know what happened." 

I set off to take care of Barnaby. The first thing I did was search for his Barnaboos. I found them all trapped in cages. I freed them, using my teeth to pull the thin metal wires apart. My teeth are in a lot of pain when I was done. There were way too many Barnaboos. I spent a good hour tearing apart metal cages. My hands were a bloody mess when I was done freeing the last Barnaboo. Timothy told me what happened: Emma attacked, this time dragging her fuck buddies in. I was seeing white now.

I force myself to remain calm for Barnaby's sake. The next thing I did was check his wine inventory in his kitchen. No bottles were touched. I breathe in relief, then I climb on his counter. I was silently cursing myself for being so short. I wrestled the cabinet open, unaware that Barnaby was watching me. I climb up, pulling the Earl Grey down. I took a small whiff. He had prelaced it with cyanide. "Made my job easier." I noted drily. I didn't hear the flapping of wings, or the soft hooting. I pull a giant pot down and filled it with water. I was panting when I was done dragging it to the stove. I was about to get the sugar when I saw something black.

Barnaby POV

I was traumatized from what happened. I can still taste that awful ice cream and feel that wretched thing touching me. I can still feel the rope burns. When Ali arrived, I was too scared to realize that it was her. I flapped my wings as hard as I could, twisting my neck. I felt like filth. I hid in the closet, disgusted with myself for letting a filthy mortal touch me. I hear Ali's voice, and it nearly broke me. It sounded like she had been through something similar. I was crying hard from what happened.

Then she left. I didn't really want to be left alone. So I followed, turning into a fine mist as I followed. Then I peek through the doorway. I watch as Alison hopped on my counter, her slender frame cat-like. Then she tugged my pantry open with raccoon-like grace. She pulled down my favorite tea and started preparing the water, struggling under the weight of the pot.

When we locked our gaze, Ali looked shy. Which is totally normal for her. I, on the other hand, was surprised. A mortal? Being sweet? That has never happened before. Our gaze held for an uncomfortable period of time, then she cleared her throat awkwardly. "Better get you on a first name basis with my friend Palmolive." She muttered, tugging me upstairs.

I hoot in surprise. I wasn't expecting that! She got me in the shower. She handed me some dish soap, telling me, "This soap is really good for feathers. I may have washed my grandma's parrot." Then she left. I'm glad Ali is respectful of space. I wash my feathers, surprised that Ali is right: dish soap is really good at cutting grease.

After I was done, I found that Ali brought another one of my waistcoats. I was still angry at Emma, so I shapeshifter into a snake. My feathers become black scales. I got a hot pink underbelly, and my pupils became slits. I hiss, "Ssssshe issss going to pay!" Then I slithered out of my darling manor and into the woods. I hear that girl Emma gloating over her disgusting deed. I glance at my tail. My rattle is going off as I slithered. I quickly wrap myself tight around that girl. I was definitely bigger than her. I hiss, "Sssso, feeling good now that you did sssssomething ssso dissssgusssting?" My voice hissed fruitily as I opened my jaw wide and bit her. My venom is powerful. That ugly bitch was out cold.

I quickly ate her and slithered back in through the kitchen. Ali was baking something that smelled amazing. Her green eyes widened. "Snake!" She yelped. Then she squinted, "Oh, Barnaby. It's you. You scared me for a second. I almost forgot that I am not afraid of snakes. I think they're metal." I wrap myself around her and pressed my face against her cheek. I stuck my tongue out, much happier. "Seeked revenge?" She asked. I nod, my fangs gleaming. "Figured. Supper will be ready. And next time, Barnaby, make sure to get her with dynamite if you really want her gone." She shrugged. I let my tongue stick out. It was bright yellow and forked.

"But it's messy!" I jokingly complained. "I prefer she gets flattened by a cow! The irony would be hilarious!"

Yeah. Assume that whenever I post a one shot from here, that's me giving you a heads up on a troll. Do not interact with trolls and hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo, leave it to me. No thanks whatsoever goes to Emmainandalus