Random Barnaby Oneshots (A Wattpad Fanfiction)

Barnaby interview

???: So, Barnaby, when did you meet your "granddaughter"?

Barnaby: Oh-hoo-hoo! I met her quite recently. She's a little odd. Alison has always been strange. What ghost has two separate forms!?

???: Wait, what?

Barnaby: Well, she says she has two forms. Her party form looks like me, but she has on a blue tweed jacket, a blue bowtie and her eyes are green. Her "luring in guests" form is a human girl with blue hair and green eyes. Both are ghosts... or so she told me. Hoo-hoo! I love her unpredictable nature.

???: Have you had any guests that you really dislike?

Barnaby: Well, there's two that I don't like. There's this goat named Billie. She was a real party crasher. Incredibly rude too. She woke me up before I was done with my preparty nap. Then there's Emma Warren. Disgusting creature. Calling her human would be an insult to humans. She's a nasty piece of work. She doesn't understand that my parties are NOT the place to discuss controversial topics. And the dead don't see such trivial things as going to some dumb school as Oxford as a big deal. (Irritated hoot) and she always gives STDs to guests. Do you want to know how annoying it is? And she intentionally misgendered a few of my transgender Barnabois.

???: Aren't they called Barnaboos? Why did you call them Barnabois?

Barnaby: Blame Alison for this, Fantoccio!

Fantoccio: Makes sense. She did call Sharkspeare cute. Sharks are not cute! They are badass! And that's why I like them!

Alison (in a different room): Fantoccio! You never looked at Sharkspeare head on! And that's why sharks are the ocean variant of cats! They're cute but can fuck up your day!

(Both Fantoccio and Barnaby laugh)

Barnaby: We have to do an interview on you, dear! You are fascinating!

Fantoccio: how did you two meet?

(Both BARNABY and Ali): Broke in for extra credit.

BARNABY: Her writing teacher apparently loves jewels. Professor Rouge, right?

Ali: Yeppers doodles!

Fantoccio: You two met... because Blue here (points to Ali) broke in and stole from you!?

Barnaby: Of course. She was alive back then.

Ali (to Fantoccio): We need to talk in private about my condition.

Barnaby: Yes, she has two forms. But both forms have been very helpful. Alison handles the party games. My favorite ones are always her murder mystery ones. Really creative! And it gives me an excuse to review the many ways people can die!

Fantoccio: You're stimming on death again.

Barnaby: I know. It's just fascinating!

Ali: Grampy Barnaby? Have you considered being a mortician?

Barnaby: Why would I do that!? Where's the fun in that?

Ali: guessing correctly has some sweet rewards.

Barnaby: good point.

Fantoccio: Do you have any other special interests?

Barnaby: Yes. I love reading. Sometimes Ali and I read together. And I enjoy art. I love listening to Bach when reading. Unfortunately, when I listen to Bach and Ali is in the room, she has been known to snuggle with me and fall asleep.

Ali: I can't help it! Classical music is like lofi but can knock me out!

BARNABY: It's adorable. Especially in her party form! She hoots in her sleep when that happens!

(Ali blushes furiously) Ali: We agreed to never speak of that.

Fantoccio: Okay. I'm going to go. See you two later!