Poetic Pain

Speedy 36

Have you ever come across someone and the first thing that crosses your mind is, NOPE! That's what I felt looking at my older brother Siraj... Like he was BIG! Not like thick or fat, but muscular, broad shoulders, tree trunk legs, Siraj just looked like he lived in the gym. Looking at his face, I could see features that were similar to mine and our dad's... Honestly, he was a little intimidating. LeTarius seemed unbothered, in fact, he looked like he was ready for whatever he was just waiting for the smallest sign from me that something was off, I was conflicted... me and Siraj never had the best relationship (or any relationship at all) but he had been making the effort I was just a little hesitant. Fuck it, I nodded and LeTarius stepped to the side and let Siraj into my apartment. He looked around before moving towards me and pulling me into an awkward hug, after a few awkward seconds he let go, moved towards the couch and sat down, I figured I should do the same while LeTarius moved towards the kitchen to give us space to talk. Why the fuck are his hands so big? Like if he punched you... it would be lights out.

"I hope you don't mind me just popping up, in my defense, I told you I was coming and wanted to see you but you've been avoiding me...." Siraj said and he sounded a little hurt. "I got your address from your aunt...." He said and I didn't believe Aunt Lucille would give him my address because she despised nearly everything connected to my dad. "Call and ask.... when I explained why I was so determined to speak to you face to face, she relented." Siraj said.

"And what was so important that you couldn't say it over the phone?" LeTarius asked from the kitchen and I saw a flicker of irritation pass over Siraj's face but he quickly recovered and smiled.

"Our dad is getting out... by the end of the year at the latest. I didn't want you being caught off guard so I wanted to tell you personally.... I also wanted to ask if you'd be willing to come with me to go see him before he's released." Siraj asked.

"I watched him kill my mom and uncle.... why would I want to see him?" I asked looking him dead in the eyes.

"Closure... ask questions.... cuss him out... punch him in the mouth whatever you wanna do Speedy.... I know Dad fucked up your life, believe me you weren't the only one affected by his decisions. I'm going to see him to let him know how much I've accomplished without him... let him know that I plan on being there for my sons, no matter what me and their mom is going through." Siraj said.

"Wait... I didn't know you had kids." I said looking at him. Siraj smiled and pulled out his phone and began to show me pictures of him holding two identical boys.

"That's SJ and that's Simeon...." Siraj said proudly. "My girl went through 36 hours of labor, she cussed me out the entire time and I was seriously about to dip because she was possessed... but then they came... and seeing my sons.... I was the happiest I've ever been, but then I got sad because... I thought about everything we missed... the bond we could've had if not for Dad... I know we've never had the strongest relationship but I really wanna be a part of your life and I really want you to be in theirs." Siraj said quietly. "Take some time... I'll be in town for two weeks, you got my number...." Siraj said standing up.

"He's good, I'll give him that much." LeTarius said once Siraj had left.

"You don't believe him?" I asked and LeTarius shrugged. I was conflicted, I mean Siraj seemed to be genuine, maybe he was serious about working on our relationship.... I mean, he did name one of his kids after me... but then there was that stuff with our dad.

"I just want you to be careful Speedy.... Look I got some business I need to handle so I won't be back tonight, but if you need anything hit me up." LeTarius said and I nodded. An hour and a shower later LeTarius was gone and I was bored, I was thinking about calling Pharaoh but to my surprise he called me.