Ad Astra

Chapter 26

I wake slowly in the morning to the feeling of fingers threading delicately through my hair. In my drowsy state, I believe it to be my mother comforting me. I sigh contently, knowing now that she never meant those words she repeated to me last night; that she still cares deeply about me whether I succeed in my mission or not, and that she'd never be disappointed in me. However, when I open my eyes, blue eyes, rather than brown, peer into my own.

"A-Asteria?" I murmur weakly.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you," Asteria says. "You just looked so peaceful." The sunshine invading her bedroom illuminates her golden hair, making it appear almost heavenly. I push down my initial disappointment that it was her who woke me, and not my mother, but when her lips gently trace my cheek, I feel content once again. "You can go back to sleep. I can delay dressing until later."

I shake my head. "No. I feel rested. Don't worry."

"If you say so," she responds.

As we both begin to stir and ready ourselves for the day, Asteria makes no mention of my nightmare; nor do I make an effort to bring it up. We let whatever moment transpired in the early morning hours pass. I do not want to think of the possibility of my mother ever saying those hurtful words to me, and I don't think Asteria wants to upset my mood by bringing up whatever it was that was troubling me. Asteria rather shifts the conversation to a different subject while I brush her hair out.

"Today I suppose we should begin acting more subtle about our affection towards each other," she says disappointedly.

"I agree," I respond, as much as it hurts to do so. I take another strand of her long, blonde hair, and brush it out slowly. "Even if I am not finding as many spare moments in between my duties to see you, I hope you know it does not mean any less of my feelings for you."

Asteria smiles warmly. "I wouldn't expect it to. The same can be said for me. I suppose these moments when we are in the solitude of my bedroom or the garden will only become more special."

I hum in agreement and pull the brush away from Asteria's golden locks. Her hair routine is now complete, and we are both ready to begin our duties for the day. Asteria rises gracefully and turns to face me. Slowly, she leans down to press her lips against mine. We do not kiss long, only for a few lingering moments, but I do my best to savor the warmth of her body against mine as I kiss her back gently and press my palms into her waist.

"You're already making it difficult," I say when she pulls away.

"I know," she responds playfully. "Shall we head off to breakfast, then?"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

For the next few days, Asteria and I keep our affection for each other subtle. We limit our kisses and embraces to private areas of the estate where we know we won't be interrupted. We often wake early to share slow and lingering kisses before I dress her. And though we often are off doing our separate duties during the day, I always look forward to sharing breakfast and dinner with her. Finally, each night, I sleep soundly in Asteria's bed, comforted by her warmth. I even have brought over my maid's uniform and some clothes into her room to prevent being caught going back and forth between her room and mine.

Though this routine runs smoothly and eases my concerns about dutifully performing as a maid, it does not calm the guilt raging through my body as I think about how I am lying to Asteria, how I am being disloyal towards my country, and how I am neglecting my mother's wishes for me. It has been two weeks now since I have sent my mother a letter, and I know she must be impatient for a response. If I do not think of how to proceed soon, she will no doubt arrive to Esterpool, demanding to take me home as she has threatened to do once before.