Ad Astra

Chapter 32

During my next few days in Magewell, I spend my time accompanying Asteria to her meetings, performing various maid duties, and sneaking out at night to meet Kiana for a few hours of planning. When I first arrived to Esterpool, I thought my exhaustion was unmatched, but spending hours acting as a maid, loving Asteria quietly, and then quietly slipping out at night has left my body feeling weighed down from responsibility. Lately, it has been a struggle for me to even wake up in the morning, and often, Asteria has to shake me awake multiple times.

"Are you okay, Fe?" she asks me one morning. This is now the third time she has had to wake me this morning.

I rub my eyes tiredly, trying to keep them open even if I am perfectly content sinking back into the softness of Asteria's mattress.

"I'm fine," I murmur.

"You seem more tired than normal," she notes.

"I haven't been sleeping well," I lie.

"Only a few more days," Asteria says wistfully before leaning down to kiss my cheek. The softness of her lips against my skin is replaced quickly by her hand tapping my cheek. "You need to wake up though."

I begrudgingly pull myself out of bed and ready myself for the day, as well as Asteria. We are nearly late for the daily war strategy meeting. As soon as we enter, Prince Stephan is quick to chastise Asteria about her tardiness. Though Asteria sits quietly and allows herself to be lectured, my stomach twists in guilt, as it usually does these days.

As the royal officials drone on about war, I can see Kiana standing in the corner. Her gaze is removed from mine, as always. We limit our conversation during the day to what is absolutely necessary, saving our lengthier conversation for the evening hours when we discuss our mother's plans. For three days now we have gathered in that cluttered cleaning closet, mapping out the castle, discussing the royal family's schedules, and trying to consider a timeline for when the assassination will take place. Each night, I stare up at the clock, waiting for midnight to come, and each night, I become more and more unsure if I should go.

Kiana is proud and enthusiastic when we speak at night. I sit quietly, still unsure of where my allegiances lie. Her zealous speech is beginning to remind me of my mother, but not in a pleasant way. However, I cannot risk telling Kiana that I am doubting my mother's plan. Instead, I sit and listen, just as I did when my mother would lecture us back in Landiani. I wonder if even then I was made to feel silenced as I do now.

My thoughts wander the entirety of the meeting. I know I should be paying attention, but Kiana is also listening, and if I do not focus on something else, I am sure I will fall asleep. I am too distracted and drowsy to even recognize when the meeting has concluded. The royal officials beginning to rise is my only cue.

Asteria turns to me and opens her mouth. I do not get to hear what she has to say because at that moment, Stephan interrupts us.

"Asteria," he says.

"Stephan," she responds annoyingly.

"Why the long face? Have you not been enjoying your stay?" he asks.

"I am hungry after the meeting and wish to eat. That is all," Asteria responds. She rises, and I quickly rise alongside her, maintaining my silence. I wish Stephan would walk away, but he remains standing, his gaze fixated on his sister.

"Join me for some afternoon tea today, will you?" he asks.

Asteria narrows her eyes. "For what occasion?"

"To merely converse, that's all," he says. When Asteria pauses, his voice becomes more sinister. "Don't tell me you have other plans. I've seen your schedule. It is as blank as can be."