Ad Astra

Chapter 38

A/N: We are down to our 5 final chapters! Chapter 42 will be end of the Book 1. Thanks for all your support so far, and I hope you stay til the end!
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The moonlight guides my way back to the estate. I move sluggishly, feeling the weight of the knife in my pocket as my mind replays the events of the evening. The blade of the knife stabbing into Zofia's skin. The blood staining her uniform. The sound of her screams. The way her body was already growing cold when my mother and I tossed her into the river, hoping it would carry her downstream. I can see the fire in my mother's eyes again, telling me that the knife that I carry will also be the one to slay Asteria. My stomach, with nothing in it, already is threatening to empty itself again when I think of the choice laid out before me.

First, though, I stealthily make my way back to the estate. Though no one suspects anything now, they will soon when Zofia does not return for her walk, and I am carrying a major piece of evidence. Thankfully, the estate remains quiet. Only crickets and frogs are here to witness me.

When I return to my bedroom, my limbs are shaking. Safe in the privacy of my room, I remove the knife from my pocket, staring at it under the light. The blood has dried, covering the knife's metal sheen. I am tempted to wash it, but I would rather not look at it. I glance around nervously, finally settling on layering it in between my undergarments in one of my drawers. I would hope it is the last place someone would look for evidence.

I glance down at my hands, still finding Zofia's blood on them. I quickly undress from my maid's uniform, knowing I will need to do my laundry first thing tomorrow. Though my outfit was nowhere near as stained as my mother's, tiny drops of blood on the white fabric would be enough to damn me. I toss it aside for now in my hamper and quickly navigate to the bathtub.

It feels like an eternity for the water to fill the tub. All the while, I pace around nervously, hoping Asteria will not call upon me. Finally, a warm bath awaits me, and I spend the next several minutes vigorously scrubbing my body from the soles of my feet to underneath my fingernails. Though the blood has long since washed away, I scrub obsessively. My breath comes out quick and rapidly, and my heart beats so fast that I am afraid it is going to leap out of my chest. A sob escapes my lips, and I bury my head into my knees.

In truth, I do not mourn Zofia. She treated me disrespectfully the moment I arrived and tried to kill me herself, but that does not mean she deserved her fate. My tears fall more rapidly when I think of my mother. How could a woman I looked up to murder someone like Zofia with no remorse? How could she threaten me, when she would not even listen to what I had to say about Asteria? In the moment, I have never been so frightened of my mother before. I think back to when the knife was outstretched toward me, and I think guiltily how I almost assumed that I would be her next target. Instead, however, she intended for the next target to be Asteria.

I bite my lip to hold back tears as I think of the choice my mother has laid before me. Kill Asteria or do not bother coming to Magewell at all. It is true that in this moment, I realize that everything tonight would not have happened if I never strayed from the plan. I want to berate myself, tell myself that I was foolish, and yet, I do not regret my love for Asteria. However, I cannot so easily deny my role in the plan. Even now, I still long to be responsible for the end of the Magnuvian royal line, excluding Asteria.

The hot water begins to make me dizzy, so I wash myself one last time, still not confident all the blood has been cleansed from my body, and dress into my evening nightgown. I gaze at my bed as I step out of my washroom, doubting that sleep will come to me easily tonight, if at all. Though out of sight, the knife in my drawer threatens me at every moment, reminding me of the choice I have less than a week to make.