Love Cult (Shrignold angst + lampnold) [DISCONTINUED]

Chapter 17

Shrignold pov
    I woke to Larry shaking me
    "Wake upppp" he said calmly
    I opened my eyes slowly, since it was bright in my room
    "Morning" I said
    "Afternoon" he corrected me
    "I told Larry and Collin to let you sleep in!" He said
    "And they actually listened?!" I said shocked
    "Thanks" I told him
    "So what do you want to do today?" He asked
    "No idea" I told him
    "We could just stay inside and watch movies or a tv show?" He asked
    "Fine by me" I told him
   We argued over what show to watch for a very long time, Larry wanted breaking bad, I wanted helluva boss, even if it wouldn't take up the whole day
    I managed to guilt trip him into watching helluva boss so we sat down on my bed as I propped up my phone to start watching
As I figured we finished the entire series in just a few hours, and had nothing else to do for the rest of the day
"I have to go into town to go get some new shoes, you can come with if you want" he told me
"I'm good, have fun though!" I said
"Your loss" he said before leaving
Why didn't I just go with him? You coward. I told myself. I had absolutely nothing to do, and I had to find something or I'd let my thoughts consume me
Unfortunately, I'd acted too late and by then I had already layed down, listening to my thoughts
'He left because your boring' 'fat fucking fag' 'coward' 'Dissapointment' 'can't do anything right' my Brian kept telling me
"Shut up" I whispered to myself, curling in a ball
'Pathetic' 'doesn't even want to hear the truth' 'no wonder Malcom hates me, I deserve it' 'Larry deserves better then me' my thoughts said, swirling around me, suffocating me
Before I could even realize what my body was doing, I was holding the knife over my arm. My hand was shaking profusely. I had tears flowing out of my eyes
It was almost like I couldn't control my body, my arms did one thing and my brain wanted it to do another. The blade cut into my arm, blood coming from the cut
I winced in pain 'pathetic crybaby bitch' I had more cuts now, each one deeper then the last. Blood covered my entire arm, slowly dripping onto my jeans.
I forced my hand to drop the knife. I shakily stood up, feeling lightheaded. I put on the baggiest hoodie I could find before I calmly walked to the bathroom to clean up.
The cool water running down my arm felt soothing, despite the intense stinging feeling I had. I bandaged my arm before pulling my hoodie sleeve back down, making sure my eyes weren't red, then left.
I walked back into my room and layed back down into my bed, this time watching YouTube so I wouldn't have to be alone with my thoughts anymore.
Before I knew it my door opened once more and Larry walked in. My face instantly brightening
"What type of shoes did you get??" I asked him
"I got high top vans" he said, opening the box to show me
"Oooooo those look so cool!" I told him
"Yea that's why I bought them" he said whilst chuckling
"Yea I guess" I said
"I'm gonna go put these in my room, I'll be back in a sec" he told me before leaving once more
'I should get some of those, they looked pretty cool' I thought to myself
My door opened and Larry walked through
"Alright, what do you want to do?" He asked
"Can we cuddle?" I asked him sheepishly
"Yes! I love cuddling" he said before laying down
I crawled over next to him and layed down too, I'm not sure why but I felt so tired despite only being up for 5 hours
I felt so safe being in his comforting arms, I wish I could feel like this all the time. None of my thoughts could hurt me here.
We cuddled for a while before Steve called us down for dinner
"We should probably go" Larry said
"I ate while you were gone so I don't think Im going to eat right now" I said
"Ok, I'll be back up soon" he replied
Larry left and I was once more alone. I started watching YouTube, looking for a distraction of any kind. Maybe a new show, or a fun game, maybe even a new YouTuber to watch. But I found none of that and just got more bored
I knew Larry would be up soon so I tried to entertain myself, drawing for a little bit. I caught a glimpse of the ground when I looked up from my paper and my heart dropped. Larry was there, bloodied, and dead. I knew it wasn't real, but it felt like I could smell the death that lingered
Before I could react the real Larry opened the door, and the one on the floor disappeared
"How was dinner?" I asked him
"White sauce again, so it sucked" he said
"How has no one gone insane in this house yet, with eating the same thing over and over" I asked
"Beats me" Larry said before laying down
I went to go lay down next to him and for a while it was peaceful
"Is that blood in your jeans?" I heard him ask
I could feel the blood drain from my face
"U-um yea I guess it is" I said, trying not to stutter
"Are you ok?" He asked
"Y-yea I'm fine, just n-need to stand up or something" I said, nearly crying
Larry grabbed my wrist, I winced. He was just trying to get me to calm down, but when he saw me wince he asked me to lift my sleeves
"Im fine, h-honestly" I told him
"Please roll up your sleeves, for me?" He asked me
I slowly lifted up my sleeves, revealing my many scars. I heard Larry audibly gasp
I collapsed onto the ground, hugging my knees. Trying not to hyperventilate.
'Now he knows' 'what a Disappointment' 'can't do anything right' 'fucking worthless' my brain said
"S-shut up" I said weakly
"Focus on my voice, breathe in for 2 seconds, breathe out for 2 more" he told me
I tried to listen but the world felt so loud.
"Shut u-up" I said once more
It was getting harder to breathe, I could feel my chest tightening. Pretty soon I wasn't able to breathe at all, and passed out on the floor

Word count: 1117

[I wanted to write some angst today, so here's this angsty chapter that probably sucks ass, anyways I hope everyone reading is having a good day]