Lovers in Blue

Chapter. 33

    I continued to settle in at Garrett's I reached out to some of the people I knew here just to have someone. else to talk to besides Garrett to be far 3-4 days of the week he was at. the hospital for 24. hours usually at a time so we didn't neccasarily see each other to much. He did help with Joey anytime he was home I told him he didn't have to but he. did anyway i talked to jamie here and there mostly about Joey tried. to steer our conversations. away from our failing marriage and. how desperately I wanted to get on a plane. back to. new york home to him and. just forget this ever happened because I missed him desperately but I know that we can't just pretend it didn't happen because it did. I had gotten an invite to go out with the the guys and girls. from the intelligences unit one friday night Garrett was off and didn't have weekend call so he allbut forced me out the door and kept Joey. I really hadn't been out at all in chicago since getting here except to the grocery store or pharmacy. I hadn't. intended to drink. very much that night but. once I started I was. hard to stop I didn't want to feel anything because all I had done for. 2 weeks was feel every single emotion i could ever experience Kevin Attwater made sure I made it home I walked in and Garrett was sitting at the bar in the kitchen I could tell Joey was already down for. the night. and suddenly I felt something. for Garrett I hadn't felt in a very long time attraction it was likely from the alcohol but. I wanted him even though I was. drunk. I missed Jamie touch on my body but Garrett would do we always had a good. time I just wanted sex and he. was the closest option I had. I walked into the kitchen he knew right away I had to much I asked. if joey was good if he went to bed easily he got up from where he sat and walked to the sink that was behind me then I turned around and met gaze my heart was racing I leaned in and kissed him we kissed for only a moment and he. pushed me away and said. "listen year or two ago if. you had. assk me I'd jump right into bed with you no questions asked forget you ass of a husband but I cant do this not like this at least your drunk and if we do this it will only hurt. you worse in the long run" I looked at him as tears. filled my eyes to me being turned down was just as bad as being cheated on even if my not drunk brain knew better i said "you finally are growing up Garrett your going to be a good husband one day" I turned. to walk to my room as I entered I kicked off my shoes.  looking at the time it was nearly 2 am I was crying silently at this point the only person I trully wanted was thosands. of miles away and. had hurt me more than anyone else had. I. picked. up my phone and dialed jamie's number I knew he. wouldn't answer I left hima a. voicemail. that said. I miss you hung the phone up changed clothes. washed. my face and went. to bed. I woke up around 6 am before Joey woke up with a pounding headache I heard movement in the kitchen so I got up and the moment I saw Garrett last night came rushing back I approached the kitchen counter he handed me a cup of coffee and some kind of terrible looking smoothie he said "coffee for caffine and my my hangover cure the most important thing I learned in undergrad doo not ask what is in it" I took a sip of of the smooth which no that I remmeber I believe its worked for me in the past I try keep it down and I sit down. I said d "any chance you have short term memory loss from last night" he said "not a chance you coming home drunk trying to jump my bones will live in my memory forever" I said "if it makes you feel better that was not the only stupid thing I did last night" he said "oh really do tell me" I said " I called Jamie last night and left him a message saying I miss him" he said "thats a bold move" i said "its a stupid move I cant believe i did that." he said "did you mean it do you miss him" I said "of course I do I want to fix my marriage but I don't know how to move past this I can't trust him how can I be married to someone I don't trust" he said " since we are both children of divorce granted our mothers divorce were mucch more needed for other reason but if you think there is even the smallest chance you can fix this you need to try" I finished my smoothie and my coffee got up to check on joey and get another cup of coffee he was still sleeping. I went back too the kitchen and sat down then I heard a knock at the door I looked at Garrett I said " are you expecting someone" he said " nope" he went too open the door it was my brother Michael I jumped up and ran to him we hadn't spoken much but he knew everything that was going on I said "what are you doing here shouldn't you be home with your wife and my nephew?" he said "I heard my sister needed me so i got on a flight to chicago the first chance I got" I said " you and Garrett have been in cahoots again just like when we were kids" he said "sure but you've alaways come running when we need you so now its my turn" I heard joey starting to stir so i went to get him I fed him and sat him down so he could play and I started talking to Mikey givining him all the details he showed me a ton of new pictures of Leo and told they were exppecting again and I was the first to know besides mom. He told me that if i love jamie and I want to fight for our marriage I need to tell him we talked about all the hell he put chelsea through and even when he didn't deserve it she stood by him not to say just go running back to jamie but if i wanted to fight then thats what I should do and that i should just trust my heart.  I knew both him and Garrett were right I just didn't know how to start that conversation.