𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐘 𝐈𝐍 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇 by A.P.Mary

23

I wake up in a room. The room's high ceiling makes me think of a Gothic cathedral, even though I've not seen anything like it. Although it has the size of a quiet guest bedroom, the beige walls with their antique models on them almost resemble a vintage Victorian ballroom. The chandelier hanging from the ceiling adds to the size of the room, making it feel like a space fit for royalty. The large windows allow natural light to pour in, highlighting the intricate details of the walls and giving the room an airy feeling.

I reach out to touch the small shapes and indents I just noticed. It's a small deposit, but it's as full as it possibly could be with marble statues. When I look down at myself, I nearly shit myself. I'm dressed in a long, pink dress. The dress is decorated with frills and lace, and it's not something I would normally wear. The details have an expensive look to them. But I know this dress seems off. 

I know this dress.

A photo of me from my childhood comes to mind. It has to be in my bedroom still intact because of how well I hid it. But this one seems to have been customized for me because it is exactly my present size. I suddenly freeze when I heard a giggle coming from my back, every last bit of calm washed off into a form of agitation. Every muscle in my body has stopped working, and I am not breathing in or out. I can stand up despite my legs suddenly giving up and tremble.

It cannot be.

But it is. 

I slowly turn around, and a petite woman is resting on the window as she's observing me. Her lean figure lay on top of a marble large hand. She gets up, and slowly I can see her more clearly. She 's still beautiful, soft but spiky, and my heart falls to my feet as she rests a hand on my face.

Mom.

My tears are uncontrollable, and my eyes are misty. I start sobbing hysterically and cover my face with my hands, unable to speak. I can hear her moving slowly her thumb around my cheek, but I can't bring myself to stop sobbing. As she smiles, I tremble and slowly separate my hands from my face. She's still so young, just like when I last saw her, but she's even more stunning now. Her black hair is still preserved in a neat and organized bob, Her bright brown eyes are still as deep as ever, and her delicate features are accentuated by bright red lipstick that is accompanied by nothing else.

Her arms silently hug me, full of warmth, and I bury my face into her neck. My hands grip the fabric of her dress to almost break it. Years of resentment, of panic attacks, of hurt and sorrow, completely washed by a large wave of comfort and joy. I can't bring myself to think of the last time I actually was happy. I break the hug, and she looks at me with a hint of amusement.

I sobbed, barely able to hear myself say, "I'm sorry, Mére." My voice is so hoarse I wonder if it's really mine, my throat hurting as soon as the words leave my mouth. She breaks a soft laugh as she brushes my hair behind my ears

"Why would you say that, silly?" My ears are caressed by her voice, and I almost break down crying again.

"I'm so sorry for being a complete rat. I became a terrible person, mom. I couldn't be the daughter you would have wanted." My mother simply squeezes my shoulders to force me to look at her when I start sobbing again. She still has a symmetric fringe, just like in my baby pictures.  Her familiar scent of lavender and vanilla surrounds my senses, bringing my mind to planet earth. Or wherever I am right now.

"Baby you do not dare speak so badly about yourself. You will still be my perfect daughter even if you'd grow horns and a big red tail" I smile through my sobs, but I still cannot fathom how I look in front of her. I see as she slides her thumb under by eyes, planting a kiss on my forehead. I hug her again, this time softer, as I whimper.

"Mom, can I stay with you?" She frowns and rapidly shakes her head. My heart aches even harder now, and I cannot let out another word. 

"You can't come with me honey, not now ok? You still have a bright future ahead, you are going to achieve whatever your heart wants." I look at her, and her soft smile became darker, shaping an elegant smirk  "I know a mother should say deep stuff when communicating in limbo, and as a mother I should encourage you to stop being what you are." my heart thuds in my ears "But please, make them suffer as much as you suffered all these years" I widen my eyes. 

"You saw me?" She smiles and nods, and I feel a light sensation shining again inside my body. She starts laughing, and with one hand she caresses my head.

"As long as you don't forget me, I will never leave your side, and not even in the afterlife you'll get rid of me, understand?" I smile, I smile from the bottom of my heart, and I never smiled so hard before. I hug her again tightly.

I take a step back to analyze her, and I start sobbing again. The weight of the situation is unbearable. They took her away from me, my one and only soulmate in this world. The sense of loss is overwhelming. I can't help but feel like I have nothing left to lose.

And yet, I know I have to do something. That something.

Suddenly, it hits me. The idea forms in my mind like a dark cloud. I know what I have to do. My hands form into fists, and my heart is again beating harder that it should. A sense of dominance fills me as the face of that asshole forms in my mind. I can smell a hint of blood under my nose, and I understand. It's time for me to go.

I take a deep breath, steeling myself for what is to come. I look at her smiling, and she looks wisely at me. We exchange looks that no one would be able to decipher but us. She gave me this task. She is the one I'm doing all this for. 

Lights dim again and I don't panic anymore; I let myself be hugged by darkness, so profound it makes my heart flutter. 

My body changes temperatures, I feel how my body shifts through the two spaces, and I feel myself slowly freezing up. I can't feel my body, my soul transcending from warmth to cold without a notice, and my limbs are nowhere to be felt.

I start hearing a voice, a distant echo of a man that could easily be Blaise, or Lucas, or no one, just a voice in my head that determines I actually hit rock bottom in hell. Who is to say which is which. The voice is nearer, but still unfamiliar to me, I can't picture anyone, or decipher what he's saying.

Until I do

"Wake up for God's sake, I know you're not dead, you can't be" maybe I am dumbass. 

I feel my limbs starting to move, my legs, fingers, even shoulders, and when I open my eyes I see a pair of black eyes washing over me. He's scrunching his eyebrows, and as soon as our eyes meet, I feel a wave hit me.

I can't tell If it's warmth or cold. 

"Not even dead I can escape you, can't I?" 

He smirks, holding me in his arms while we lie on the ground.