In the Woods, Bears

Chapter 41 - Blood and Violets

Sadness fell across her mother's face like a cloud. "She was funny, Kendie, like you. When we were together, we were always laughing." Pushing her hand roughly across her cheek, her mother swept away a hot tear. Kennedy stared. The woman never cried. "It doesn't matter. The girl took too many chances. She didn't like taking the medicine." Mr. Pibble climbed onto her Mother's body and began making biscuits. "Gin had these dreams."

"Was that her name?"

"I guess it doesn't matter if you know now. Ginger Merril, like the spice. We talked about naming you after her, but I worried it would be bad luck. My brother called you his little violet because of where he found you."

"Why didn't she take the herbs?"

"Mostly, she did, but when she skipped them, her dreams were brighter and she enjoyed that. I don't know if she knew she was pregnant when they went camping. She was most likely asleep when that little life turned inside her belly, and you pulled her body right along with yours."

"Me? I caused it?"

Her Mom nodded, stroking Pibble and Cat Andy. "None of us knew much then. Our families, for generations, had taken the medicine from birth until death without fail. We didn't know a baby could throw you into change so early if you weren't consistently on suppression herbs."

"Like at Sandy's?"

"Just like." She sniffed. "But your dad was with her and I imagine she woke up terrified. They were camping in the later part of the summer. I don't know exactly what happened, but it was an accident. They didn't even know they were pregnant. She loved that boy, not as much as I loved your dad, but she loved him. For all we know, he woke up with a bear in his tent and felt he had to defend himself."

A horrible sinking feeling rose in Kennedy. "I killed them."

"Don't be stupid and vain, Kendie. You were just a sparkle at that point. His death was mother nature happening. And Gin? For all I know, her stubborn self is living up in the mountains, content in her bear shape. There was never any sign of her death. As teenagers, we were stupid and careless. After their destroyed tent and his remains were found, my brother, who had always had a shine for her, tracked her. He knew her scent. They'd gotten drunk once, before she became serious about your dad. Things happened that made him decide to give her a sweetgrass ring. There are promises wrapped in that gift. He went looking for her. It took several days, but he found Gin lost in the wild, miles from their campsite, no longer in a bear shape. She'd managed to turn her body back around right. Confused and in a panic, she threw her arms around him." Cat Andy pushed into the crook of her mother's arm, insisting to be held like a baby.

"Then what happened?"

"I'd like to say there was a secret happy ending, but life doesn't work like that." As she scratched between Cat Andy's ears, his eyes closed in bliss. "After he shared his clothes with her and she'd warmed herself with food and fire, he told her about your dad's death. Her heart broke in a way that can't be fixed. Two days after she knew about his death, during their hike home, she turned into a bear again and wouldn't turn back. My brother had made a promise to protect her and be there for her, even though there was no chance the baby was his. Heat even then was rare, especially taking medicine. Sometimes it would happen, but mild and not powerful like it happens with the un-suppressed. He shadowed her as her body grew heavy with her pregnancy. Our parents tried to make him stop, but he wouldn't. Kendie, he saved you."

"What happened to him?"

"He tracked her for months until she gave birth to you. We didn't know if she would kill you, or if you would stay a bear like she had chosen to in her grief. Over time, a person can get lost in their bear shape, but she must have had some spark of herself left. He told me that when you were well and truly born, you flipped yourself around right into a human shape. There you were laying in a patch of tender violets with your pretty pink legs just a kicking, next to an exhausted bear. It was as if, in her grief, she'd been holding you in a bear shape for the remainder of the pregnancy and you just couldn't wait to turn back around the other way. She licked you clean. With every sweep of her tongue, he feared she was going to forget you were hers and sever one of your limbs. Instead, she suckled you and fell asleep." Her Mom lifted her hand to hide a yawn as the medication kicked in.

"Wasn't he scared?"

"A lot of things can be said about my brother, but he was no coward. When your Ma fell asleep, he crept up to you, and took you, slippery and sleeping, into his arms. He ran. Faster than he'd ever run before, and he was on the track and field team in school. He made it to state that year, so I am telling you something when I say he went fast. Her family would have considered you cursed. They would have left you out in the woods, good or bad, but the ring held him. No promise is as true."

Kennedy thought of the two little grass rings in her wallet. Did they carry the same promise?

"He tried to raise you himself for a few months, but neither family would have anything to do with him. Your dad and I left town right after Gin disappeared. We had been married almost a year when my brother brought you to me. It's the only time he broke my banishment and came to see me. We talked late into the night. You see, we were always close, and it tore our hearts in two to know that we would never see each other again."

A board by the doorway creaked. Terry was standing at the threshold, listening. Kennedy reached out her hand and he stepped forward to take it.

Her mom looked up at the big man. "He gave you a sweet grass ring?"

Kennedy leaned toward him. "He did."

Her mom looked at their clasped hands. "You aren't giving up this baby, are you?"

Kennedy couldn't lie after all the honesty her Mother had placed between them. "No, Mam."

"Kendie. You are all I have. The path you are thinking about is dangerous." Her Mom looked up into Terry's face. "She can still set this aside and go back to her simpler life. Nana said she would help you get back into school." Her Mom pleaded with him, "Tell her. Tell her people die."

He squeezed Kennedy's hand. "True."

Her Mother's eyes were shiny. "It's a hard life. There is no good place that you will fit in. You weren't raised here, Kennedy. You will never be one of them. Not in town, not on the mountain. Never."

Kennedy took a steadying breath. She had a lot to think about. Her mom's head sagged a little, and she blinked. Kennedy tucked her Mother's covers in around her and touched her cheek lightly. Whatever drugs the Doc had given her must have been strong. Kennedy asked Terry, "Will she remember she told me all of that?"

He gave an uncertain shrug, letting her know he wasn't sure.

Terry tugged her hand, drawing her away from her mother's side. It was time for them to go. Head bobbing, her mother was almost asleep.

"Mom." Kennedy whispered, "I love you."

Her Mom smiled, and that was something.