Sober to death

Chapter 1

Could it be jealously what I am feeling? Could it be sadness or disgust?
Could it be nothing?
Can actually a person feel the feeling of not feeling?

If there is only a hole in the place of your mind where emotions used to be, what would this make you, me, feel?

And does it matter in the end?
When I am aware, whatever there is in that mind of mine... it's going to be the death of me.
Really, the death of me.

Would anyone care if I died?

I am locked up in this dance studio for millions of hours and there's still no one begging for me to stop.

I haven't eaten for five days and there's still no one begging for me to eat.

I have been self destructive for some time now and there's still no one here for me, no one has noticed.

I have been asking everyone if they're willing to talk and there's still no one here.

"Hyunjin? Earth to Hyunjin?"

"Oh, I'm sorry Innie, I zoned out."

"Yes, I've noticed you've been like this for some time, are you okay? Is there something wrong?"

Would Jeongin care if I died?

"Yes, just tired."

"Okay hyung. Let's go. You promised me and Felix yesterday to come with us for brunch today."

"Ah, yes I did. I'll join you two but after that I have to go back to the studio."

"Oh... okay."

.

He did go with them and honestly he enjoyed the company, even if it was for a little, but he also wished they had noticed how much he wanted to stay and to be pressured not to go, he didn't need much, one plead was enough.

Now, he was indeed back in the studio.
He danced and thought and danced and cried, till his legs gave out and he not so gracefully fell to the ground.

"Oh my God, Hyunjin-"

"Minho? Hi! How are you? Do you want to join me? I'm taking a short break."

"No, I've been watching you Hyunjin! I watched you fall. Come on, up, up."

Minho grabbed his arm, tightly, pulling him up.

"What? No, no. Ouch-"

"Oh, I am so sorry, did I hurt you? I pulled too hard didn't I?"

"No, hey no, don't worry it's nothing like that."

"Then?"

"Oh... I just fell and it bruised-"

"Oh, no. I know first aid, here let me see it, it might be serious."

"No, it's fine really."

"Hyunjin, give me your arm."

"No, I told you-"

"No, what are you hiding?"

"Nothing!"

"Then let me see your hand!"

"I said no!"

"Fine, be fucking stubborn. It's my fault I cared. Stay here, or come back home, at this point I really don't care what's your choice. "

I really don't care what's your choice... could it be the answer to my initial question?
Would they care if I died?

.