Sober to death

Chapter 15

"Hyunjin, you have to fucking eat!"

"No, I don't! I won't, I won't, I won't!"

"I'm tired of this!"

"Oh yeah? Then give up! You'll do me a favor either way!"

Before Chan could open up his mouth again Hyunjin stormed off to his room.

The first boy was left behind picking up the food he had cooked which Hyunjin had just thrown to the floor.
He was tired, he really was but he wouldn't give up, not when he was aware that if he did, this would be equivalent to Hyunjin's, the person he loved, slow death.

On the other hand Hyunjin locked himself to his room, hating his body more than ever.
He just wish he could see his bones poking, a sharp jawline, defined collarbones, sunken cheeks, pale face and bony, veiny hands.
Instead his palm could no longer circle around all the way up to his elbow.
His gain weight was so evident to him.
He was on the edge of insanity.

Every day was a repetition of the last.
Wake up. Eat up. Throw up. Be forced to eat.
Talk about food. Talk about being hospitalized.
Talk with Chan.
Talk about Chan.
Talk to your therapist.
Eat. Eat. Eat. Eat.
Throw up. Throw up. Eat.
Throw up more. More. More.

.

"Sung?"

"Hi Minho..."

"Babe, come on get up."

"I'm sorry I can't today... it's hard."

"Do you maybe want to talk about it?"

"I am just sad."

"Is that all?"

"Yes, I promise. It might not be seen but I am better, much better. I cannot tell you I don't get bad thoughts but I've grown to be comfortable with them and to not act upon them."

"As long as it stays that way, I need nothing more... hmm, I have an idea. I'm going to make you the best pancakes of your life, I'll be right back!"

"Don't forget to put a generous amount of Nutella."

"I would never forget."

Not even ten minutes had passed when Jisung felt the covers of his bed being lifted and someone's presence letting themselves in.

At first he thought it was Minho or maybe Felix, who have always been the sneakiest of them all but when he felt the tiny cold, trembling hands hugging him he knew this little figure belonged not to a scared, injured animal but to Hyunjin, his Hyunjin, his best friend.

He had invited himself in his room and in his bed.
Jisung almost cried but instead of that he opted to just turn around and hug him back.

"Hi..."

"I am so hungry Sung..."

"I know."

"Am I aloud to eat?"

Was Hyunjin asking him that question? If he answered him yes, he would actually eat? After all of these months of silence had he finally chosen to talk to him and the first thing he asked for was permission to eat?

"Yes. Do you want to eat?"

"Yes."

"Here it is! Oh- Jinnie, hey!"

"Minho! Thank God you're back, you're just in time! Here, we were talking about food, what do you have for us?"

"Um- Pancakes, some coffee and orange juice and  few slices of cake-"

"That's perfect, Hyun... whatbdo you prefer?"

"Food."

Minho shocked eyed up Jisung who advised him to keep quiet.

"Okay, yeah, food. Do you want to eat-"

"Feed me, I don't want to see."

"Okay, I am here you are safe with me. Now I'll give you the first bite okay?"

And that was how Hyunjin had finally eaten something by choice after a long time.
It didn't matter that he threw up afterwards, because he had chosen to eat, this was more important.

However, how can someone expect a broken relationship with food to be fixed in a matter of a few months? Or even a year?

Almost a year now later after Jisung's attempt,
Hyunjin was one step away from death again.
He had to eat and keep it down.
No matter how hard it was.

It was after another huge argument with Chan when he entered his room and forced him to the car.

"Where are we going?"

"Just out, for a while."

"I'm not going to the hospital."

"I'm not taking you to the hospital. "

Soon enough they were passing by the Mapo Bridge... such an important place for all of them.
When Chan stopped the car in the middle of the road it was the last thing Hyunjin expected.

"I love you."

"I love you too Chan."

"Hyunjin... do you want to die? Because... if you really want to die, there is a much easier way Hyun. We are here, I can start up the car and I won't pull the brakes. We will fall from the bridge and we'll die, the both of us and it'll all be over. If you want to die, let me know. I won't be angry."

Time stopped.
Hyunjin froze.
His mind kept thinking.
Searching for an answer.
He had been thinking of death, always.
He had attempted twice.
He thought he wanted to die but did he?
If he died, Chan would die too.
Could he bare to be the murderer of his love?

"I-"

Hi,
I know this is shorter than usual but gives the perfect amount of suspense.
Also, this week is a little pressuring and I'm not in the perfect mental state so I might update again in a week.
I hope you're all feeling well<3