Sober to death

Chapter 6

But nothing was okay.
No matter how many times he had heard this sentence, nothing seemed nor was okay.
Not when the next day he found Jisung burning himself with one of his own lighters, he'd use for whe he had the urge to smoke.
Not when he had to clean up his wounds and carefully bandage them up.
Not when Jisung started sobbing uncontrollably in his arms.
Not when he started shouting at him, screaming hateful words, throwing his own paintings at him, destroying them for good.
Not when he slapped him across his face, because according to Jisung he was so selfish, he had it so easy, he never needed to try for anything because he was so effortlessly perfect.

Nothing was okay. When the day after, he also found himself burning and cutting his own skin in the darkness of his own room, breaking a promise he had made. He couldn't help it. This was what he deserved.

"Hyunjin? Can I come in?"

"Yes Felix, give me one sec."

He pulled down his sleeves and opened the door.

"Hi, um... could you, we, talk?"

"Of course! Is there something wrong?"

"No- Yes! Yes there is."

"What happened?"

"It has to do with you."

"I'm sorry, what-"

"No, not like, you did something to me, not like that. I- just... the day I woke you up from your nightmare and we stayed for cuddles, I hugged you."

"Yes, oh, well, me too? Not a big deal."

"Yes, but I couldn't help but notice how thin you felt. I am worried, really worried. You felt... malnourished and because of the way you dress, I could detect you've lost some weight by the change in your facial structure but... Hyun when I hugged you... I could feel every little bone of yours and I know how thing with Sung are-".

"This had nothing to do with him and I can assure you I have not-"

"No! You've lost weight, I'm not crazy. You've lost weight. Too much weight, I can tell and again it's not your fault, nor Jisung's but that's unhealthy. "

"Felix, stop. I'm fine there is literally no need to worry. Ji, he needs all of us I don't want to take the attention off of him. Go to your room, leave me alone."

.

After a while Hyunjin stormed off from his bedroom, quickly making his way to the kitchen. He needed to pour himself a cup of water, he could feel the panic rising when suddenly a hand grabbed his own injured one and he couldn't help but let a pained hiss.

"Why are you arguing?"

"Tch, ouch!"

Time froze. Hyunjin froze. His breathing stopped and when it came back it was much quicker than it should have been. He couldn't move for a second, his gaze stuck, eyes met with Minho's.

"Hyunjin?"

"It's nothing.", his heart beating faster than ever

"Show me your arm."

"No."

"Why?"

"It's nothing. I- I just- I fell and- and it b-bruised."

"Hyun... these were your words five years ago."

"No... no, no, no. It's fine, I'm fine.", air was not enough

"Hyunjin."

"No, no it's not that. I'm okay. I- I- I can't breath, I can't breath, I can't breath-"

"No, no, no. Hey, calm down-"