Somnolent Strike

Guilt

I was woken up to the sound of my phone ringing and as I picked it up, contemplated smashing it to pieces.

"What?!"

"Vera! Is that any way to talk to your mother? I know you're a bit mad that I couldn't pick you-"

"Understatement of the century!"

"Will you stop thinking about you and only you all the time? I was busy! Don't scoff, it's true. Andrew came over."

"I thought you were with Zachary?" 

"No, he wanted anal and when I said no brought a prostitute into my bed to 'teach me a lesson'. and I kicked him where it hurts. I thought he loved me just a little bit... maybe he did at first. Sometimes when your partner cheats on you or stops loving you, you have to use violence, Vi. Make him- or her... uhm... them hurt for hurting you, ok? They need to love you. It's early days yet but Andrew- I think he's wonderful. I think he really loves me already. He says I'm beautiful and that I have style and sexy legs for my age — that was actually rude of him. I mean I'm only thirty five. But he also complimented me on my flat stomach and tight ass and big brown eyes ... you had my eyes before the illness, you know. You even had my long dark brown hair before yours faded and started thinning. You were never like me in the face though. Probably because of all the frowning and eyerolling you did. I never pulled faces like that, which is why I don't have wrinkles like some nasty ass men nowadays — and women! I might need to get a... b job though. Except I unfortunately cannot due to the FDA banning silicone boob implants. Honestly! It's a total hate crime!"

I had barely been listening through Mother's tirade but the words hate crime made me wince.

"Oh ... I forgot about the nasty prank them boys played on you... Still it made you pick yourself up and get yourself together. Now you have your own apartment and a job... at the movie theater of all places! Still, we're not pining after another auctioneer. You wouldn't be any good at it anyway. You're too shy. You need to be a good public speaker like me if you want to progress. And they want someone pretty and you are... well..."

"I'm what?"

"Oh you know. Let's not talk about you! You always want to talk about you. Even now you're not here we still talk about you! Your brothers and sister are missing you and won't stop plaguing me. Vera is never coming back, I keep telling them, but they whine and whinge about you. You need to get over here to calm them down."

"I can't today, I'm buying parts for my computer."

"Wow. It's the selfishness for me. You always think about yourself don't you? You can't even postpone your errands to see your poor siblings. They'll be so sad when they hear you're not coming. It's a shame you can't try to be a better sister to them."

"That's not fair, Mom, you-"

But she'd hung up and left me with a coiling feeling of guilt in my stomach. 

Sighing, I started getting dressed in my Sunday best.

Mother wanted me to look my best around her after all.