Somnolent Strike

Love is Happiness

That night we lay in my bed, me stiff as a board, Issa trying hard to get closer.

"I feel like you're uncomfortable with me around." She said suddenly. 

I gave a sickly grin. "Now why would you think that?"

"Well maybe because we don't know each other that well. Okay, Okay, tell me - what is your goal in life?"

It was a strange question to ask. I thought and thought and eventually: "I used to dream about being a stone carver. I wanted to carve alabaster. But I gave up on that." 

Issa snorted. "You couldn't have been famous with that anyway. I want to be really famous for being an Olympic decathlon champion with an international career!"

"I think famous people are so unhappy. Think Mona May. Think Tom Cruise."

"Are you just listing people you find hot?"

"I don't find Tom Cruise hot. Or any men in general."

Issa paused. I paused, realizing what I'd admitted. The silence was agony.

"Neither do I." She said finally.

We both breathed out.

I took her hand in mine and squeezed it.

"... but wait. You have a kid..."

"Wasn't planned... I'd just met the guy who..."

I wondered why she'd had sex with him if she barely knew him but didn't pursue it.

"How old were you when you had Win?"

"Like thirteen." 

I shuddered. At thirteen I'd still been opening and shutting the fridge to see when the light turned off. I'd also been playing with ragdolls made of old washing rags because Mother didn't want to waste any money on me.

"That horrible man deserves to be killed for doing that to you." I said viciously, gripping her fingers so hard I heard a crunch and thought I snapped them off.

"But he gave me Winnie. I love her. She's my only purpose.  Before I used to... try and think about dying a lot. I still do sometimes. Should I just...get it over with? Just one bullet to the head and it would all be over. No worries anymore. Winnie will be better off with a foster family. They'll make sure she has a roof over her head, and a real bed with a clean pillow..."

"She wouldn't want any other family but you." I said, feeling my eyes prickle.

"That family could make her happy. I can't."

"Yes you can! Love is happiness and you love her. She loves you." I said uncertainly.

"I wouldn't know love or happiness if it kissed me." She shook her head, her eyes glittering like a light houses in the moonlight. They were full of tears. So I kissed her. 

And we kissed and we kissed and we kissed until our lips were puffy and smeared with her olive green lipstick.

"I promise to make you happy, my olive." I vowed as I was falling asleep.