Seen There, Done That (Sensara Series 1)

Simula

"What's your name again?"

Nahinto ako at bahagyang nagtaas ang dalawang kilay. 

"Kashina," I answered back. Calmly.

Si Kuya Maddox na ngayon ang umangat ang mga kilay. His eyes landed on my face with curiosity. Pumilig bahagya ang ulo at parang may nais pang sabihin.

I just stood in my place like a lost cat. Naghihintay pa sa sasabihin niya. After a minute, he signed using his fingers to follow after him.

Tumalikod siya at humakbang. I have to run a bit to keep up because of his long strides.

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to stay here. Hindi sa pinalalayas kita o bastos ako," his eyes darted on me again. Nagpamulsa at nagtuloy-tuloy. "Mom looks like she's depending on you. At hindi mabuti sa inyong dalawa iyon. Do you get that?"

We're outside their well-tailored lawn when he stopped to face me. Para akong damo na nag-ugat sa kinatatayuan. Based on stories I've heard from Miki, his Kuya is really straightforward, disciplined, and serious.

I kept a straight face. Kuya Maddox looked confused this time.

"Yes. Okay," I muttered.

Halos mag-isang guhit na ang mga kilay niya. Bahagyang umawang ang bibig at naialis sa bulsa ang mga kamay.

"I want Mom to take her time on her own. When she sees you, I bet she's not getting the help she needs."

Tumango ako. Nagawa ko pang ilibot ang mga mata sa paligid. Some of their helpers are outside too. Napapalingon ang ilan sa amin lalo na ang pumuputol sa mga halaman na bahagyang lumapit.

"I understand," balik ko sa kausap.

But Tita's my confidant. Hindi ko rin naman maiwan dahil minu-minuto ang pagluha at paghahanap sa akin.

Sa guni-guni ay mabilis kong narinig ang boses ni Miki. Sinesermunan ako kasabay ang pag-engganyo sa akin na lakasan ang loob ko.

There's no harm in sharing your thoughts, Achie. I would love to hear it.

I feel like I could cry at this exact moment. Ramdam ko na ang pangingilid ng luha ko pero pilit akong pumanatag. I bit my lip and my arms hung dangly on my sides.

Napalunok ako. I wanted to run away from Kuya Maddox.

I'm really trying hard to express myself but things happened. Tumatakbo akong bumabalik para isara at ikandado ang mundo ko. It's difficult for me even though I have a lot of thoughts and feelings inside. 

I was trying to figure it out. Miki and I were trying to figure it out and he's willing to help me. 

"Mag-aayos lang ako saglit at magpapaalam, Kuya," ani ko bago pa mabasag ang boses ko.

"Mom's out."

"Kay Manang," I answered in a flash.

I quickly ran inside the house. Dumiretso sa kuwarto at niligpit ang mga gamit.

Isang linggo pa lang ang lumipas pero ubos na ubos na ako. I clutched my chest because of the pain. My eyes were dried and couldn't release a single tear anymore.

"Are you seeing me, Miki?"

Nanginig ang mga labi ko at sumalampak sa malamig na sahig. My vision lost focus and I wanted to just be eaten by all these feelings.

Mabilis akong tumayo noong tinawag ako. I stood behind a podium and clasped the microphone on my right hand. Tightly.

"Hi. For those who don't know me, I am Kashina. Miki's Achie. And he's the only lessee of my heart. My… partner, best friend, protector, number one fan, and Gizmo."

Kitang-kita ko ang panginginig ng kamay habang nagsasalita. Tita's already shedding a bucket of tears as I'm delivering my message. I remained stoic and devoid of any emotion. This is my gift to Miki and his family. I couldn't break it down.

"Today, I'll tell you how a well-brought up man changed me and the world. Miki is without a doubt a blessing. Lagi kong binibiro sa kanya tuwing umuulan na lumabas siya ng bahay at magpakabasa. A gremlin I would hope to multiply."

Soft laughters echoed in the cold room. Maliit akong ngumiti at tumango kay Tita. She's the witness of how much Miki and I loved the Gremlins movie.

"I always teased him that he looked like one. Hindi naman napipikon. He'll just laugh and imitate a gremlin. And it makes me so happy… and missing it already." My voice shook but I continued.

"Miki is always the one to bring laughter in the room. Unang kita ko pa lang sa kanya ay naingayan na ako at nainis. I am always the quiet and shy classmate. Sinusundan ko siya lagi ng tingin dahil hindi ko maintindihan ang dala niyang enerhiya. Naririnig ko pa lang siya ay napapagod na ako. But… he made me ponder about my view about him. He's not that bad, I thought. I can still remember the day that he sat beside me. Ako ang unang pinuntahan at dinaldal. Sa loob-loob ko… iritable ako at gusto na lang dumukdok para hindi na niya ako kausapin."

I smiled at the thought. Tita continued wiping her cheeks as she's so attentive to listening to my story. Some heads are nodding, especially our batchmates. May ilang ngiti sa labi at nagbulungan na para ring inaalala si Miki sa ganoong tagpo.

"Miki has always been that guy. He will get and grow through you. Sumasagi lagi sa isip ko ang nagtulak sa kanya na kausapin ako… if it's his angel, thank you. But I realized as time went by, Miki is the angel itself. Today, I harbor a strange feeling of hatred and longing towards Miki."

Napapikit ako pero wala namang tumulo na mga luha. If Miki's watching me right now, his lips would form a small smile. He would always tell me that I look so strong and put together. Hindi niya raw ako mabasa.

I glance at his casket and then to the crowd.

"He didn't need to be… a literal angel. You can come back to us, Miki."

I stopped as the lump on my throat is getting bigger and bigger. Napahawak ako sa podium at tinatagan pa para tapusin ang mensahe.

"My Bubot. You don't have to live up to your nickname. Kulang na kulang ako sa panahon na binigay mo…"

The sides of my eyes sting. Lumakas ang hagulgol ni Tita at nabalot no'n ang buong lugar.

"Come back to us, Miki. Come back to me. And I'll love you even if you're the most mischievous gremlin to exist."