Ineffable Family

Chapter 4

PLAYLIST:

Fat Bottomed Girls by Queen

Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars

TW: body dysphoria, mild depression, anxiety

Crowley's baby belly grew quickly. Eventually, she admitted that even her oldest, baggiest clothes weren't cutting it, and that she needed maternity clothes.

"I'm sure you'll be more comfortable, my dear," Aziraphale pointed out as he flipped a blueberry pancake. He'd found the recipe whilst searching for something that Crowley could hold down during bouts of morning sickness, and was delighted when they both liked them. Just as well, because she was still vomiting intermittently.

"Too bad I can't use miracles,"Crowley said morosely. "My powers aren't working right."

"You can't afford to overuse your energy like that. The baby is already taking a toll on your corporation." He plopped a pancake onto her plate; her ravenous appetite proved just how much energy the baby was using. "One or two this morning, my dear?"

"Just one. I'd enjoy it a lot more if I could have some bloody coffee," Crowley groused, toying with her mug. "You make great tea, angel, but it's just not the same."

"You could try decaf," Aziraphale suggested, knowing the answer.

"Not that desperate yet."

Sitting down with his own breakfast, Aziraphale said briskly, "We'll go clothes shopping today."

A piece of sausage slipped off Crowley's fork as she froze in horror. "Tell me you're kidding."

"Darling, if you can't miracle your clothes, so you have to shop."

"That's what Amazon is for."

"It'll do you good to get out."

Crowley wondered if she had enough energy to smite him where he sat. "You really are a bastard sometimes, angel."

"I think you're looking at this wrong," Aziraphale began. A venomous—literally—glare from across the table made him backtrack. "I mean to say, yes, we are blessed with a child, but it doesn't mean the whole experience is unicorns and rainbows. You're not required to enjoy everything.You've been quite uncomfortable, and maybe some clothes that fit your body will help with that."

Crowley glanced down at the sweatpants that only fit because the waistband was pulled under her belly, and the t-shirt stretched tight over her tummy. "I suppose you're right. I need to buy some bras anyway. My boobs are getting bigger, lucky you."

Aziraphale decided that this would be a good time to stuff his mouth so full that he couldn't comment. He didn't really care about breasts, but he wasn't about to tell Crowley that.

Before they went anywhere, Crowley had to get reacquainted with her beloved car.

"You be good," she crooned, patting the dashboard. "Be good for our angel. And we've got some even more precious cargo on board!"

Aziraphale rolled his eyes—then frowned. "I thought the Bentley didn't have seat belts."

"The Bentley has whatever she needs to have," Crowley said primly. The seat belt that definitely hadn't been there yesterday fit perfectly over her belly. "Off to the mall we go."

The shopping went as well as it could with a sulky demon involved. Aziraphale had to drag her away from a gothic-themed store that specialized in plus sizes; she still managed to snag a few oversized band shirts. Once they found an actual maternity shop, Crowley locked herself in a fitting room with a stack of clothes and didn't ask Aziraphale's opinion on a single thing. Needless to say, the angel was disappointed. He was even more disappointed when they had lunch at the food court, because Crowley was craving a cheeseburger. In revenge for making him subsist on nothing but boba tea—the only acceptable thing he could find—Aziraphale brought up another point.