Ineffable Family

Chapter 8

TW: talk of anxiety, sensory overload, gross vomiting

While her anxiety wasn't entirely quieted—it never would be—Crowley was able to think clearly after their rooftop heart-to-heart. Just in time for the pregnancy aches to set in, around six months. Where her back had been vaguely sore, her hips and knees joined the party. Paul—along with every knowledgeable old woman who offered unsolicited advice—assured them it was normal, and she was lucky it hadn't happened sooner.

One morning, Aziraphale was shocked to see Crowley cringe away from his embrace. "My dear, what's wrong?" he asked in worry.

"My skin is really sensitive, and I don't want to be touched," she told him. "Um, would you mind if I spent the day at my flat?"

"Alone?"

"Don't give me those puppy dog eyes," she scolded affectionately. "It's nothing to do with you. I just need some quiet time. I'll be back for our nightly cocoa."

Aziraphale couldn't very well deny her, so he reined in his puppy dog eyes and kissed her cheek very lightly. "Whatever you need, love. Stay in contact, all right?"

"Of course."

"Shall I call you a cab?"

"Abso-fucking-lutely not," Crowley snapped.

That was more like the demon he loved. Aziraphale nodded and watched her leave, silently swallowing his panic attack.

His phone went off a few minute later; it was a text from Crowley. safe @ my flat.

Glad to hear it, Azirapalereplied.

She texted like clockwork every hour, and his worries lessened with every message.

screaming @ the plants. they've gotten cheeky. gotta whip em in2 shape

blasting Queen eating tuna out of the can

found Evil Dead on telly. so gross I love it

y did I think concrete floors were a gd idea this shit is cold.

Aziraphale dutifully replied to every one so she knew he read it. At five pm, Crowley texted,ordered pizza w/anchovies sauerkraut and pineapple. smells so good. That one made Aziraphale gag and laugh at the same time. He was glad she hadn't brought that abomination into his shop.

The next food-related text was just as bad: ever tried vanilla ice cream w/green olives????scrumptious.

Around eight, she called. Aziraphale answered with a cheerful, "Hello, love. Feeling better?"

"Much," Crowley answered. "I think I had a case of sensory overloaded, I just needed dark and quiet. Look, I was going to come home tonight, but it's already dark out, and I'm sleepy, so--"

"Not a problem, darling,"Aziraphale interrupted calmly. "Spend the night, and I'll see you in the morning."

"Are you sure you're not upset, angel? I--"

He interrupted her again. "It's all right, dear, I think I understand now. Come home when you're ready."

"I ever tell you how much I love you?" Crowley gushed, though she would never admit to gushing.

"Yes, but it bears repeating. I love you, too, you wily serpent."

"Good night, angel," Crowley said in the soft tone she only used for him.

"Good night."

Aziraphale didn't think he would be able to sleep by himself, but he did indeed drift off on the shop sofa. He woke the next morning to something warm wrapping itself around him. Of course, it was Crowley, clinging as efficiently as a snake although she was in human form.

"Good morning, my love," Aziraphale murmured without opening his eyes .

"Good morning, my angel." Crowley burrowed her face into the crook of his neck. "Was cold without you."

"Oh, well, we'll just have to fix that." He pulled her close, enveloping her in his warmth as best he could. "Better?"

"Mmm, better," she purred. "Thanks for putting up with me."

"No thanks needed, darling. Go to sleep."

She did, and so did Aziraphale, although he spent several minutes staring at the person he loved whilst wondering how he got so lucky. Then the baby kicked them both, and Aziraphale decided to pray himself to sleep, because that was how he got so lucky.

Crowley stirred a few hours later, and made a purring sound when she remembered where she was. "My favorite way to wake up."

"Mine, too," Aziraphale whispered into her curls. "Ready for breakfast?"

Suddenly Crowley's stomach gurgled. Her eyes flew open and she dashed to the kitchen to vomit in the sink. Aziraphale hurried after her, worried.

"Darling, are you all ri--" He stopped cold as the smell hit him; he slapped his hand over his mouth. "Goodness! Is there something rotten--"

"It's dinner," Crowley moaned. "It all mixed in my stomach like a witch's cauldron. I can still smell the fish."

"Oh, my. That's—that's terrible..."

Crowley could tell by his voice that he was fighting back laughter. "Fuck you, angel."

"I'm sorry you're sick, darling..." Aziraphale got a bottle of water out of the fridge. "But after everything you ate, it's not that surprising."

She threw up again. This time Aziraphale was right next to her and he saw a whole anchovy reverse out of her mouth, followed by several un-chewed green olives. He started to ask how the fuck that happened, until he realized: "Did you swallow everything whole, like a snake?"

"Not everything." She coughed, and spat out a piece of pineapple.

"Oh, dear Lord." Aziraphale pressed his hand over mouth as his own stomach turned. "I'm...beginning to not feel so well, myself."

"Shut the fuck up," Crowley growled. She ran hot water to rinse the vomit down the sink; steam rose up, along with a new wave of stench.

Next thing she knew, Aziraphale shoved her aside to throw up in the same sink.

"Never knew you were squeamish, angel." Crowley made no attempts to hide her smirk. "How in the world are you going to change nappies?"

"I hate anchovies," the angel moaned. "I hate them more mixed with stomach acid."

Taking a deep breath, Crowley gathered her strength and miracle'd the sink clean. She sighed in relief. "Glad that worked."

"Are you sure that was a good idea?" Aziraphale asked, his own sickness forgotten. "I know how tired you are lately."

"I only sent it to the Dumpster out back. Tea?"

 1. Saurkraut on pizza is good, but not with pineapple and anchovies. Try it with Canadian bacon.

2. Evil Dead is a real horror film. Do not watch it if you're squeamish. The original is the best, and most disgusting.