Ineffable Family

Chapter 27

TW: depression, anxiety, PTSD

Although the familiarity of the bookshop helped, their journey was far from over. While the nightmares abated, Crowley's depression,anxiety, and flashbacks continued in full force. She constantly second-guessed her actions as a parent: was Hope eating enough? sleeping enough? were her pupils looking more serpentine today? She flew into a panic if Hope was out of her sight for more than a few minutes—forget about using the nursery. An even bigger problem was Crowley's fierce protective instincts toward the infant. There was no telling what might trigger her fight-or-flight response. It took exactly one vicious hiss for Muriel to start knocking before entering a room, a lesson Aziraphale had learned weeks ago.

Aziraphale himself was doing only slightly better. He had separation anxiety from Crowley and Hope, and constantly fussed over them both.He never slept unless Crowley ordered him to, preferring to stay awake keeping watch over his family. In between shooing out customers, he and Muriel threw themselves into research on various subjects: wards, protection spells, infant care, and—when Crowley wasn't paying attention—mental health. The two angels set up layers of powerful shields around the shop to keep everyone safe.

After weeks of this downward spiral, Aziraphale took a risk in hopes of helping them move forward. For safety's sake, he did not word it that way to Crowley.

"We should go out," he said over breakfast. "Perhaps go to lunch, see some of our friends--"

Crowley blinked her yellow eyes. "Go out? Are you kidding?"

Muriel recognized that tone. They quickly decided that their pancakes would taste much better if eaten elsewhere, and left the room before the situation became any more volatile.

"Well, yes," Aziraphale said, "I think it might help a bit."

"Are you pulling the 'oh, you just need some fresh air and you'll be all better' bullshit with me?" Crowley demanded. "Because that doesn't work on depression, no matter what species."

"No!" Aziraphale promised quickly. "But being cooped up in the shop isn't doing any good,either, for any of us.

"You can't take a newborn out in the winter."

"I'll cast a ward to keep her nice and toasty. Probably best if you wait a while longer before you attempt miracles."

He was right about that, though Crowley hated to admit it. Her powers had been on the fritz during her pregnancy, and they weren't much better now. She growled.

"Just a walk through the park," Aziraphale wheedled. "We would both enjoy it."

Crowley wanted to say no, wanted to tell him to fuck off with his cheery attitude. But her angel had been through hell, too, and if a walk through the park would make him happy, then that's what he would get. So she relented. "Fine. Walk in the park. Feed the ducks. Tomorrow. And if either of us gets a hint of anything bad--"

"I'll miracle us to the Bentley and we'll go home. They won't catch us off-guard again."

"No, they won't," Crowley snarled. "I'm much more dangerous now that I've got a hatchling to protect."

"Hatchling?" Aziraphale echoed.

"Imma snake. Seemed appropriate."

"Of course, my love," Aziraphale said dutifully. "A wily, frightening, dangerous snake."

~~~

It snowed hard the next day, and Aziraphale admitted that taking a walk in a blizzard would not be fun. Determined not to let the weather ruin their plans, he dragged Crowley and Hope across the street to Give Me Coffee Or Give Me Death.