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64

{more incorrect quotes to make up for the last chapter}

y/n: do you ever wonder how many stars there are in the sky?
wilbur: not as much as i wonder how you manage to outshine them all.
y/n: smooth talker. you  know i'm a sucker for stargazing with you.
wilbur: it's because you're my favorite constellation, right here in my arms.

•••
tommy, waking y/n up at 3 a.m.: there's this one particular thing that's been making me feel like i'm going insane.
y/n, sleepily: what is it now?
tommy: i just want to know if the two ee's in "bee" are actually silent.

•••
tommy: ARE YOU-
wilbur: fucking.
tommy: KIDDING ME?! YOU-
wilbur: fucking.
tommy: IDIOT!
techno: ...what was that?
wilbur: phil banned tommy from swearing, so i'm  helping him out.

•••
techno: if a stranger came up to you and said, "i'm your brother's friend, he told me to pick you up." what would you say?
tommy: i'd say, "you're lying. my brother has no friends."
techno: not where i was going, but okay.

•••
drista : who else is hiding in the laundry room trying to listen to dream and george's convo?
karl: me. im in the laundry basket.
sapnap: i'm in the washing machine.
y/n: i'm in the closet.
karl: we accept you y/n. <3
y/n: no i'm literally in the closet.
sapnap: love is love. <3

•••
tubbo: wait if baby oil dissolves condoms, what does it do to babies?
y/n: believe it or not, babies and condoms are made out of different materials.
aimsey: it's like rock, paper, scissors. Baby oil defeats condom, baby defeats baby oil, condom defeats baby.
ranboo: rock also defeats baby.

•••

aimsey: being gay is a constant battle between "i wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds" and "hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and i think that's very sexy of us.
ranboo: if the window's open and you time it right, you can do both.

•••
karl: *is carrying all the groceries*
y/n:  *holds out hand to help*
karl: *aggressively moves all the groceries to one hand to hold y/n's hand*

•••
wilbur, in line at a coffee shop: hi, can i get a venti vanilla latte with uhhh, seven shots of espresso?
y/n, right behind him: jesus christ, soot. just do cocaine

•••
ranboo: *running towards y/n with open arms*
y/n: *moves out of the way*
ranboo: hey, why'd you move?!
y/n: i thought you were going to attack me.
ranboo: i was going to hug you!
y/n: why would you hug me?
ranboo: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?

•••
quackity: you know, technically speaking, lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake.
y/n: IM TRYING TO SLEEP!

•••
dream: i swear to god i'm the only one here with a braincell
karl, george, and sapnap: ALL HAIL the keeper of the sacred braincell!

•••
tommy: think fast! *throws a ball at techno*
techno: *catches it* no. *pockets the ball*

tommy: think fast! *throws a ball at wilbur*
wilbur: *catches it and throws it back like a fastball*
tommy: oh sHIT--

tommy: think fast! *throws a ball at y/n*
y/n: *gets hit in the face*
y/n: ... *sobs*
techno and wilbur: *appearing out of nowhere* WHAT DID YOU DO?!

•••
punz : there's no i in team but there is one in pizza.
purpled : ....so you're not going to share?
punz : i am not going to share.

•••
billzo: technically, pickles are a fruit.
ranboo, turning to look at y/n with tears in their eyes: you could pick literally ANYBODY else—

•••
punz: *pretending to joke* so when are you going to go out with me?
y/n: i don't know. when are you going to ask me to?
*LATER*
niki: and you just ran away?!
wilbur: i didn't expect them to flirt back! 

•••
y/n: how do you feel about children?
techno: uh, they're okay, i guess. i mean, if i saw one on the street i wouldn't throw a rock at them.
y/n: why would you throw a rock at a child?
techno: i just said i wouldn't.

•••
dream: we can't lose. because we have this. *points to his chest*
george : we have heart?
dream: heart? no, me. i'm pointing at myself. i'm going to win this for us.

•••
y/n: who the fuck broke the toaster?
billzo: it was tommy
aimsey: tommy broke it.
tommy:
tommy: ...yOU PROMISED-

•••
niki: hey, what's the name of the guy who lives down the hall?
y/n: his cats' names are walter and rose.
niki: that's not what i asked.
y/n: that's is all the information i have.

•••
y/n: you can't read what it says because whoever wrote it was Russian
fundy: i don't care how fast they were writing, this shit makes no sense

•••
random person: man, they look like a real handful. how do you deal with them?
phil, watching techno screaming, y/n trying to set a sleeping wilbur on fire, and tommy choking on air: i don't know either.

•••

wilbur: *busy working on a new album* i don't need to go to bed. i'm not tired, i'll be fine.
y/n: but, darling, i'll  be so lonely without you. come curl up in my arms so i can feel whole again.
wilbur: o-oh. well... wait. are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??
y/n: is it working?

•••
billzo: let me just walk you through a hypothetical. can i walk you through a hypothetical?
aimsey: ...what did you do?

•••
y/n: why is your back all scratched up?
{flashback to punz chasing a racoon after you told him to leave it alone}
punz : i'm having an affair.

•••
karl, with a sleepy sapnap in his lap: awww. you are adorable.
sapnap*sleepily*: i could beat the shit out of you.
karl *lovingly*: i know.

•••
*billzo flirting with y/n*
billzo : so *leans against the wall* you come here often.
ranboo : you do kno-
billzo : i know now
aimsey: you know what?
y/n : the wall is freshly painted

•••
punz: so, what's it like living with y/n?
niki: they once referred to sand as "heterosexual glitter".
punz:
niki: i love them so much

•••
phil: i would go but i promised tommy and y/n i'd take them go-karting for their good report cards.
wilbur: what's good about y/n's report card?
phil: they didn't lose it.

•••
y/n: sometimes, i don't realize an event was traumatic until i tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.

•••
wilbur, trying to flirt: i like your name.
y/n: thanks i got it for my birthday.
tommy, whispering into wilbur's ear: you sure you want that one?..