paranoid | joe jonas

nine

Spencer Daniels

Tour is back up and running again. We've been going for 4 months straight now. Barely any breaks for holidays, and I haven't seen Sidney in a month since she got a new job in NY and hasn't been able to leave it. Joe's divorce is almost completely final, and his girls have been back in the UK with Sophie since the end of November. The instagram following has increased some more and me and Joe keeping having weird moments of tension between us. Or he'll be changing shirts during intermission and I catch myself looking for an insane amount of time before he starts talking again and snaps me out of my thoughts. Luckily no locking of the lips has happened, and no other weird slip ups where the tension has been noticeable between everyone in the room.

I gotta get this under control though for real. Like I literally can't keep thinking about him like this. I know this is something I say like every 2 weeks but I mean it this time. When his divorce is final the last things he's gonna want to do is jump into some relationship much less with me who he's just now getting close with again. For now, I need to focus on taking pics and sleeping in an overly comfy luxury hotel bed every night.

kiss the tears right off your face
won't get scared that's the old, old, old, me
i'll be there, time and place
lay it on me, all you're hold, hold, holding

I've listened to Joe's heartbreak every night on tour when he sings this song and i've watched as every other person in the room went through the same heart break he did for only a fragment of the time. I watched as fans shed tears and clutched at their chests as Joe forced to keep his eyes open, trying not to picture her. The one he was still breaking for everyday. No matter how messy the divorce was, or how final it was. He was still hurting, and Sophie had already moved on. Spotted kissing a british aristocrat in the streets while Joe spent every minute fighting an internal battle that no one else could understand. He won't speak about specific details, why it ended, what the breaking point was. None of it. Claims it doesn't matter. But it does matter because if we knew what he was dwelling over, we could help. Me, the fans, the crew, his family. We would all make the world come to a screeching halt if it meant he'd have a second of peace.

"You okay?" I asked as we sat in our spots on the couch after the show. "I'm fine." He said. "You sure?" I asked. "Promise Spence. I'm just tired." He said. "Me too. I'd imagine you're 10x as tired as me though." I said. He laid his head on my shoulder and my hand went to his hair. Playing with the twists and curls that hung down on his forehead. Something about it felt so intimate. So calm. So peaceful.

"Gotta get on the jet in 45." Nick said. We were going back to play the last two shows of the tour, back in New York. Back at home, I hate to say finally because this time has flown by, but I hate to admit it'll be nice to relax and finally enjoy my new life again. I feel like I haven't had a true chance to breathe since I left Miami, which might've been the thing I needed the most.

"I'll leave so you guys can get going." I said. "Nooo." Joe groaned as he sat up on the couch. "Sorry, got to." I said standing up, and walking towards the door. "Just get on the plane with us. Somebody can drop you at your apartment when we get there." Nick said. "You sure? I'll have to go get my stuff from the hotel and check out at like lightening speed." I said. "Calling Elliot now." Nick said. "Meet you guys there." I said.

With that I took off down the hall of the arena and out to where the cars were parked. Elliot rolled up the door and I opened the passenger door before he could even get out of the car. "We gotta hurry. We have like 40 minutes." I said. "You'll be there don't worry kid." He said. We got to the hotel in 15 minutes. "I'll be parked right here. When you get down to the lobby i'll pull up to the door. I'll be watching." He said. "Thank you!" I yelled, running up to the automatic doors of the hotel and pausing as they were moving slower than I was.