Your shoelaces are undone

Chapter 7

word count: 1106 words

TW, PANIC ATTACK AND BRIEF MENTION OF SELF HARM.  BE CAREFUL INCASE IT TRIGGERS YOU X

Friday 5th November 2006, 8:19pm

Alex's POV

I stood looking at a terrified Jamie. He was holding on to Julietta for dear life. It was from this, that I made the assumption that she had never had a panic attack before.

She was shaking, crying, pale and out of breath.  

"Nick give me your keys quickly" I had the plan to take Julietta back to the car and calm her down there. Nick gave me his keys and I took hold of them. I was about to take Julietta's hands when Katie came over.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"She's having a panic attack" I say quickly.  I looked back to Julietta, who began to cry more. I turn to Jamie and say "I'm gonna take her to Nick's car, I think all the people here is making it worse." To be fair, there was a decent amount of people, maybe around 40-50. At least 10 of them were looking at her, not including Jamie, Katie, Matt, Nick or me. 

"Alright, I'll be there in a few minutes, I'll go to that shop on the high street and get her some water." I know what shop he's talking about. Its similar to a news agents, only its open 24/7 and has almost everything you could ever need. Like batteries, sweets, make-up, birthday cards and crisps. They have every crisp brand under to sun being sold there.

I gently take Julietta's hands in mine and begin walking her to the car. 

She's still crying.

After I've lead her cautiously through the stinging nettles in the woods, we reach the car. I open the passenger door and sit her on the seat. She curls into a ball as I kneel on the gravel in front of her.

She's still crying

I gently pull her ankles down and put her feet on the floor, trying to get her to look at me, but she just cries more. To be perfectly honest, I don't know how to help a panic attack but I'm trying. I mean, no offence to Jamie but I reckon he has less of a chance of knowing what to do than I do.

She's still crying.

"Hey love hey. Can you look at me?" She doesn't look at me. I gently tap the side of knees, to get her attention a little bit, and repeat myself.

"Can you look at me, love? Come on, look at me, look at my eyes love, I know you can."

She looks me in the eyes and I see, quite clearly, how red her eyes are. Her makeup is smudged by her tears, yet she still looks nice.

 I take both of her hands in mine and say "Good girl. Now, I want you to try and breathe with me darling, okay? Okay. Breathe in. 1. 2. 3" She takes a shaky breath in, trying her best to follow my instructions.

"and out. 1. 2. 3. Good, sweetheart. We're going to do that again, alright? Breathe in." Her breath is slowing a little bit now. Her not quite sobs, turn into sniffles

Just as I went to breathe with her again, Jamie got back, holding a white plastic bag and eating some crisps.

"Everything alright now?" he said and licked the crisp dust off of his fingers. I reach into the bag and grab a bottle of water. I open it and hand it to Julietta, who's has started crying a bit again.

"Shhhh it's alright. Now, Just take a few sips of this water for me. Yeah?" I hand her the bottle and she takes a few gulps. I have to say, her shakiness has died down quite a bit know. 

"Just try to breathe like how I how I showed you a few minutes ago, okay Jules?" I think this is the first time I've ever called her Jules. 

Julietta's POV

We're on the way home now and I'm sat in the back seat of Nick's car, next to Alex. I would've been sat in the passenger seat but Matt called shotgun and forced me to move. 

I wave to Jamie as we drive off, he was staying at Katie's tonight.

I'm still shaking a little bit, I feel a little bit shaken up from the panic attack earlier. I've had panic attacks before but never in view of anybody. I never want to have them but it's more humiliating now that Jamie's seen me have one. I know he's going to tell mum and dad. 

I think Alex can see that I'm still shaking because he leans closer and whispers "You alright darlin'"

"Mhmm" 

"You're shaking, love." 

"It's fine" I snap.

After a moment of silence, he pipes up again.

"I'll come to your door to tell your mum what happened."

"No." I say abruptly. "I can do it myself"

Then, we goes silent again. Matt and Nick start talking. They're talking about top gear. (for anyone who doesn't know, top gear is a British tv show about cars ) I've always like top gear, I thought it was interesting. Once, when me and Katie were trying to find something to watch at a sleepover, I suggested top gear to which she replied with "what the fuck?" and proceeded to laugh. What I learnt from that was not to watch top gear with Katie. 

After a few minutes, Nick pulls up outside my house and Alex and I get out. 

"Jules, what's that on your stomach?" Fuck. I completely forgot about the cuts. Shit. What if he saw all of them? Oh god.

I quickly yank my shirt down.

"It's nothing." I say and open my front door. "Bye Alex, I'll see you tomorrow, maybe. Good night" I say and wave to him before shutting the door.

"I'm back!" I shout to my parents in the living room. 

I go upstairs and message Jamie

You
Don't worry
I've told mum about the panic attack

Cookie
Alright then
You feel ok now?

You
Yh x

Now, I don't need to worry about my parents finding out about my panic attack. It's not that I'm scared to tell them, It's just that I am PETRIFIED to tell them. What if they think I need to see a doctor or something? What will I do then?

I walk into the bathroom, grab a few cotton pads and pour micellar water onto them. I begin wiping off my smudged makeup, my eyeliner looked a right state after I'd been crying. God. Did people see me looking like that? 

I brush my teeth, spit the toothpaste out my mouth and take a drink of water. Then I throw myself into my bed, pull my duvet over my head and fall asleep.