BECOMING

Chapter //////////////////////////////////////

What's going through my head? I snapped. " What the fuck is going on in yours?
His phone rang in his office. I cursed under my breath. I wanted us to talk and I wanted him to go away, both at the same time.
He squeezed my hands, be right back.
I didn't follow him when he left, feeling too unsettled. Instead, I took the car key and left the house.
I felt dizzy and furious, closing my eyes and clenching my fists, I pulled myself together. I shut my emotions behind a glass wall, where I was aware of them waiting in the background, but I was able to get through the day by going to the salon to get my hair done and nails .
I changed my hair color from Chestnut brown to red with a bang .
Then I called Dr Peterson office to make appointment, I mustered some energy to get through the last task before I could go home.
I went to get some groceries as Chris is coming over tonight, saw some cute baby shops, got some cute baby clothes .

When I got home, I unlocked the door Nathan was waiting for me , with Ed and some other security details.
Oh my God amara, where did fucked have you been? I tried calling you but you left your phone at home. I was about to call the police.
I sighed, I don't need your permission to go out .
Please Ed can you lend me a hands with some things from the car.
Thank you Ed .
Your brother is coming over tonight with a guest , I need to get ready.
We can cancel, we need to hashed things out tonight.
Let's just leave it at that.
Amara." His voice turned gruff. I know I fucked up. Let me explain.
You don't have to. It's okay.
It's not.
I don't want.
We are going to talk , amara, his tone took on a hard edge that made my pulse quicken. Just hear me out.
I closed my eyes, understanding that I can't get away. Fine.
Thank you. I can't stand you being unhappy, don't pull away from me . It hurts.
I don't know what to say,
I'm afraid angel, that kids will change everything between us.
You're afraid, Nathan you already changed . You can't stand a second without you wanting to bang my brains out, since you saw the scar .all I see is pity in your eyes.
He shoved a hand through his hair. Amara I .. love you .
I love you too Nathan, do you think am not afraid , I don't want get pregnant . It here and I have to deal with it.
I want to keep you safe, Take care of you.
You make me feel safe.
I know you're not ready , I saw the way you looked at your self .
I know am ready , I was afraid you may never looked at me the same way and you did just that. I trusted my heart that you can make me forget all the scars.
He sighed. I'm sorry. I was been selfish. I just want you to be safe and happy. He pulled me closer.
You do make me happy and safe.
Relationships are hard amara, now with kids, with me screwing up.
You will get tired of me.
I screw up too, I know relationships are hard Nathan. Most of them don't have kicked ass sex like we do. I put us in the lucky column.
I thought we can get through it together, how can I stayed when I know it all about pity ?
He looked at me with such longing it brought tears to my eyes.
It not pity amara.
I'll be fine ,I love you. Show me it not pity. We'll get past this. I walked in to him , hugging him. Pushing my hands beneath his shirt to touch his bare skin.
Amara.his returning hug squeezed all of the air out of me ."I m sorry, I can't lose you.
You won't. My eyes closed, focusing on the feel of him. The smell of him.
I love you. We be okay right, I'll do anything.
Turning his head, he kissed me softly.
Whispering over and over again how sorry he was.
We'll get through this along with everything else."
You 're so positive, you 're right. His gaze narrowed.
Let go , he carried me in bride style to the room. Nathan undress me as we get to the bedroom .
Lie back, angel, and grip the pillows with both hands. His mouth curved in a wicked smile. Don't let go for any reason. Understand?
Swallowing hard, I did as I was told. So turned on.
Spread your legs and pull up your knees.
My breath caught audibly as my nipples hardened further. God Nathan was hot like this. I was panting with excitement.
Oh amara, he crooned, running his tongue through my slick cleft.
Look how greedy you are for me.
Your fault I 'm so hot for you , I gasped. You slacked on the job for weeks."
Then I better make up for lost time. With the tip of his tongue Nathan  rimmed  around and around my slicks. Ignoring my clit and refraining from fucking me even when I begged.
Nathan please.
Shh,I have to get you ready first."
I'm ready. Please . Whimpering in distress, I rocked my hips into that teasing tongue. I wanted it inside me more than I wanted to breathe. Now , I gasped. Now.
With a practiced shift of his hips , he rammed deep into me, shoving me up the bed.
Ah , God," I gasped, convulsing ecstatically around the thick column of flesh that possessed me. This was what I'd needed since. 
Don't come," he murmured in my ear.
What?  I was pretty sure if he'd just take a deep breath I'd go off.
And don't let go of the pillow.