Blur memories

18

Joshua:
Enough, Hyung, don't go into conclusions. You know it is not possible.

Dokyeom:
Whatever. By the way, I have some doubts.

Joshua:
What is it?

Dokyeom:
I think he knows about your feelings.

Joshua:
No fucking way.

Dokyeom:
He said something, and it feels like he knows.

Joshua:
He will never know. How would he know if you, Mingyu, Wonwoo Hyung, or I myself wouldn't tell him?

Dokyeom:
I know, right. I have to go now. I'll see you on Monday, Mr. President.

Joshua:
Shut up! I seriously hate this status.

Dokyeom:
Bye!

Joshua:
Bye!

Call ended

Dokyeom:
I hope he sorts out his feelings before it's too late.

[Dokyeom sighs and puts his cell on the table.]

......................................................

[It was the third day, and Wonwoo and Mingyu came to Jeonghan's office daily and spent their day watching some random movies to pass their boring time.]

Jeonghan:
Joshua, can you give me the......

[Jeonghan stops when he realises what he said.]

Wonwoo:
Here!

Jeonghan:
Th-thanks hyung.

[Wonwoo gave him a cup of coffee, while Jeonghan didn't make eye contact with him. It's his fourth cup of the day, and he makes the same mistake as the past three days every time he needs anything. Wonwoo sighs and sits in front of Jeonghan.]

Wonwoo:
This is enough. I can't see this anymore. Leave this work and look at me.

[Wonwoo snatches the file from Joenghan's hand and makes him look at him.]

Jeonghan:
What now?

Wonwoo:
You know what I'm trying to say. Come on, it's not even been a month, and you miss him like crazy. Do you think it's all just because you depend on him?If anyone can see that all the things that are happening here are not that simple, then why can't you? You say his name for very little things. If Joshua was here, he would do this for me. If Joshua was here, he would cheer for me. If Joshua was here, he would encourage me. Joshua this, Joshua that. Every word, every single word you say, starts with Joshua and ends with Joshua.

Do you still have the audacity to deny your feelings? Please don't say the "I just depend on him" shit to me again, or I'll kick you real hard. Cut the crap; you just don't have the guts to accept your feelings. At least Joshua knows what he wants. He is a real man. You are not even close to what he is. I am sorry that he didn't confess to you because you don't deserve a coward like you.

[Wonwoo said it in frustration without thinking about Jeonghan's feelings.]

Jeonghan:
Enough! ............. Please.

[Jeonghan shouted when Mingyu's eyes opened wide in shock; he never talked so loud, and it wasn't just that he was crying. From the day he met Jeonghan, he never saw Jeonghan cry. It's shocking for Wonwoo to He didn't mean to hurt the younger's feelings, but for him, Jeonghan and Joshua are both his friends and important to him. Right now, both of them are in pain, and Wonwoo has had enough of all of this.]

Jeonghan:
You're right........ I'm not brave enough. I'm a coward. But .......... I'm scared. What if he leaves me like everyone else does? What if he hated me after know that I am the reason of my own sister's struggle? That I was the one who separated Cheol and Y/n for 5 years. What he hates me because I'm a counselor? What if he forget about me like Cheol forget about Y/n? they said whatever you give will come back to you one day whether it's love of betrayal. I'm scared what if the pain? I give Y/n and Cheol it comes back to me one day? I'm not brave like Y/n. I'm not brave enough to live after been forgotten.

Wonwoo:
Are you mad? What you did back then was for your sister's happiness. You didn't do anything on purpose, and don't assume things that you didn't do. Stop criticising yourself just because Cheol lost his memories. You never want him to lose his memories, do you? You didn't mean that you didn't make things complicated. You were just worried as father figures. So stop blaming yourself. Okay?

[Wonwoo said to Jeonghan while looking at him worriedly.]

Mingyu:
I don't know if you ever knew that or if Hoshi told you, but he once said that he loves you and wants you to be happy because when he feels sad, lonely, or happy, you are the one who cheers him up or supports him. He said he never saw his father, but he was alive, and he was definitely just like you. He also said he has the best brother in the whole world. You have everyone, Hyung. your brother, your sister, and your friends too, and I promise, as your friend, we'll never leave you alone. We'll always be there for you, whenever you need us. So don't be afraid of the future, which didn't even come; just be happy and live in the present, which turns into the past, and the past will never come again.

[Wonwoo looks towards Mingyu like a proud boyfriend, and a smile appears on his lips.]

Jeonghan:
I just don't know what I have to do. I'm not good at expressing my feelings.

Wonwoo:
I know, but you have to do something about it. Jeonghan-a, because the situation Joshua is in is the worst he has ever had. The relationship between him and Mingyu was something a teen's brain created; he was just a teenager who didn't know much about reality, which is why he moved on easily, but the feelings for you in his heart were something an adult felt, not created, and you knew the consequences better than anyone.

[Jeonghan didn't speak and just looked at the ground when a smile appeared on his lips.]

Jeonghan:
I fucked up big times, didn't I?

[Everyone starts to laugh, and Jeonghan just wipes his tears and gets up from his chair.]

Jeonghan:
Let's go to the I have to get everything back to normal. I need to get Joshua back.

Mingyu:
You better do that.

Wonwoo:
Finally.

[Jeonghan feels lighter. It's like he got every answer he wanted today. He doesn't feel suffocated anymore because of the fear of losing someone he loves. It's not that he wasn't aware of his own feelings for Joshua. It's just his fears that cover his eyes. Today, all those fears that had been haunting him for so long finally faded away all at once.

Now he is determined to make Joshua his, and he's ready to struggle a little bit to get Joshua back. He knows his mistakes. He knew that that night's kiss had pushed Joshua far from him, but they still had a stare that connected both of them to each other. He's going to pull that string to be with Joshua at any cost. The string is weak but not broken yet, so he's going to make it right this time.]