Last Saturday

ch.03

Minji knows how it feels like to fall in love for goodness sake,
And it scares her.
Her last relationship was 3 years ago, and it didn’t end very well.
“Y-you what?”
“I don’t think I can be with you any longer, Minji.”
“danielle, n-no-“ Minji tries to reach for her hands, but danielle only inches away.
Minji can’t process anything, danielle’s face was full of tears, she was all broken, crying, and as much as she wanted to try and comfort her, the girl would refuse.
“Do you even love me?”
“Of course I do! Why would-“
“You don’t care! You only congratulated me through text when I won my figure skating
competition, you never came to pick me up after I got discharged from the hospital when you
said you would-“
“danielle, I was too busy-“
“My parents were so excited to meet you so we all could celebrate christmas together but I had to go there, alone, telling them that you were doing your special research paper that was due the same day when you were out there getting drunk with your teammates! Who the hell even gives due dates on christmas?!” danielle exhales, running her fingers through her scalp in complete stress. She wasn’t even mad, she just hated how she had to come up with ridiculous excuses to save Minji.
She was so exhausted.
“I’m sorry, danielle. I forgot-“
“You always keep forgetting everything, even our anniversary! You’re like a dependent child!
It’s been a year going through this. Do you think I can still endure another one?!”
Minji stays speechless, gulping in guilt.
“You don’t care, Minji. You never even tried to make up to me. It’s as if I was only your
girlfriend so you could have someone to make you feel validated…”
Minji’s shocked, she’d just been figuratively slapped on the face. She never meant to
make her feel this way. She never knew that she was this much of an idiot, ruining Danielle’s life. She’s even shocked at herself, not shedding a single tear while her girlfriend was a sobbing mess.
“I’m going.” Danielle turns around, her hands reaching for the door knob.
“D-do you have anyone to take you home?” Minji still asks when it was already obvious
that she does have someone waiting for her in the parking lot, and she hates it even more
because she didn’t have to guess who it was.
If it weren’t for the green varsity jacket Danielle was wearing that was way too huge for her, its sleeves covering her hands and the logo of their university’s ice hockey team plastered on the
left side of its chest area. Minji plays basketball.
“It’s her, isn’t it.” Minji sighs, and Danielle turns back to her, confused. Minji herself isn’t sure if what she just said had some double meaning to it.
“What?”
“You’re wearing her team’s jacket.”
“Oh, yeah. I asked her to drive me here today.” She’s thankful that Danielle didn’t push it further.
Hours ago, Danielle had told her that she had some shopping hangout with her and even invited Minji to tag along, but she declined the offer. Now she thinks it’s a foolish move, rejecting to go out with your girlfriend and her best friend, lying about being busy when in fact you had nothing to do at all but sit and lie around on the couch.
They were only best friends, and Minji's sure about it. Danielle wasn’t someone to cheat.
She had a lot of best friends, but this certain ice hockey player was just so different to
Minji. It was as if she was intimidated by her. She felt like running away every time she
had to see her.
Minji hated to admit it, but she still had doubts. Being helpless, she even snuck up on the two to see if her negative thoughts were true only for it to be (thankfully) crushed in the end.
The only downside being the two talking about herself, with Danielle in tears, venting and
thinking that Minji didn’t love her anymore while the ice hockey athlete tried to shut her thoughts down and comfort her.A traumatizing experience for Minji who had to listen to all of that.
But still, she was something. Minji kept questioning herself. Did she hate her? Was she just scared of her? She even wondered the impossible, which was liking the athlete to which she gagged disgustingly at.
In the end, Minji concludes that she was simply insecure and slightly jealous.If you
compare her life to the hockey player, you’d understand why.
“Tell her I said hi.”
“Y-yeah.” Danielle turns back, leaving the apartment after gently shutting the door. She lets more tears flow down her face, muffling her sobs as she passes through the hallway covering her mouth.
‘Maybe I really don't care.’ Minji thinks to herself.

Danielle was always right. Minji regrets having to put such an innocent person through all her sufferings.
After that, she never even tried to love again. Knowing herself, she was sure didn’t deserve  anyone, and now that Hanni was here, unintentionally making her fall into her void, she’s extremely anxious, but she thinks it’ll be okay, as long as Hanni doesn't love her back,
everything is going to be fine.
Minji suddenly remembers the question that's been roaming at the back of her head.
She’s been wanting to ask Hanni ever since she decided to give her a jumpscare.
“Aren’t you finished with your sketches in this area?”
“Yep!” Hanni pops the last letter, placing the tub of ice cream on the space between them, showing her bag to Minji.
“I didn’t bring my sketchbook today, see?” She opens the bag and presents it to her.
“Then if you’re done, why’d you still go here?” Minji scrunches her eyebrows,
munching on the chocolate chips of her ice cream.
“Oh...well, uh...I- uh… just wanted to enjoy the view for once and talk to you without
anything distracting me! Without having to draw, you know? Can’t I hang out with you?”
Hanni nervously laughs, an extremely obvious tint of pink covering her cheeks.
And now, Minji surely knows that everything is not going to be fine. Now, one thing’s
for sure, Minji isn’t dense, and Hanni isn’t so good at hiding. She can’t keep this going or else she’s just gonna hurt Hanni in the end. What’s the use of liking someone back when she knows she can’t even maintain showing it?
But love is like a drug, love is like ecstasy.
Love is addicting and keeps you tranquil, it maintains the state of your serenity and
happiness, yet love also ruins your life, blinds your eyes and eats away all of the rationality that’s left inside you.
That is, at least for Minji.
She doesn’t need to hurt anyone anymore. She doesn't want to. She can’t bring herself to love anyone when she can’t even love herself, but with the feelings she has for Hanni, it keeps her
distracted.
She allows herself to let Hanni steal her heart away.