Every Part Of Us

10. Talk about it

Reid's pov-

The week had been long. I had barely seen Ronan since our argument. I definitely hadn't talked to him. He'd been hiding in the garage or his room and I wasn't making myself available either. I'd found reasons to be out of the house as much as I could.

But today I was home and the house was eerily quiet. I hated every second of it.

I'd spent most of the week bothering Cass and letting her drag me around wherever she wanted. But she got bored quickly and had left last night to go do god knows what. She said she'd be back in a few days but I wasn't going to hold my breath on that one. She had a history of not staying in one place for very long.

The only person I had left to distract me was Connor. I'd seen him a few times this week but it was short interactions. He was finally happy and spending all his time with Jetson. I didn't want to be the one to ruin any of that with my issues.

But today I just couldn't sit in this house any longer. The silence was suffocating me. I needed an escape so I searched out my best friend.

Reid- Can I come over?

I usually wouldn't ask but I didn't want to force myself over if he had plans for the day.

Connor- Always, Jet and I are heading out in about an hour to go on one of those stupid hikes he loves but you should come with and be tortured with me

I smiled at the text. Connor didn't like the outdoors very much and he complained a lot but he still went every time Jet found some hike he wanted to go on. I didn't know how Jetson put up with my friend's dramatics but I'm glad he found a way.

Reid- you guys go have fun, I'll stop over another time

I wasn't going to butt in on their time together. I loved them both but not enough to spend my afternoon as their third wheel.

Connor being busy meant I didn't have anywhere to go. I could go to Tiffany's but I knew she'd take one look at me and try to fix this. She'd come right over if she needed to and make things right between Ronan and I. It didn't matter that her and Ro didn't talk anymore she was a fixer and she'd never let my brother and I break apart. It was one of the many reasons I didn't tell her about the way things have been since she left.

I didn't want her fixing Ronan's problems anymore. If he didn't care enough to fix this himself then I'd let it be broken forever.

So I was left with nothing but the silence of this house. The one that used to be filled with people and noises. It was like that as far back as I could remember, when my mom was still around. I didn't remember much of my mother. It was brief flashes of brown hair and the image of her laid out in the couch next to me watching some movie. It was glimpses of her laugh or her bright green eyes. There wasn't much more than that, she had left before I'd turned five and never came back.

She'd left and I'd just had my dad. All my childhood was filled with memories of him. He was a lot like Ronan, serious and almost silent. He didn't show his support out right but he provided for Ro and I. He bought me my first football when I'd sat in the living room every Sunday watching the games with him. He'd come home from work one day and threw it at me.

It was all I'd needed when I was eight to keep myself entertained most of the summer. I'd made Connor pass with me almost every weekend. And now without my dad around I found myself lost in those memories of growing up.

Even if he was with me for more years than my mom I still didn't feel like I had more of him than I did her. I had a lot more memories but it's been over ten years since I'd seen my dad. Those memories seemed to be slipping away just the same. So I reached out and clung to the one thing I could.

It was that need to remember him, to feel like I could be back there during those years that made me buy my first pack of cigarettes. There wasn't a memory of my dad that didn't feature that smell of smoke and a cigarette tucked between his fingers.

I didn't even think as I sat on the front steps and took a cigarette out. It was like autopilot as I lit one and brought it to my lips. It was a familiar type of comfort as I took a drag. It was moments like this when I was so angry with my brother that I considered going to visit my father. I'd wanted to growing up but Ronan had never let me. He'd had a say when I was a kid but when I turned eighteen he couldn't do anything to stop me. But I knew his relationship with our dad wasn't good so I respected his decision and stayed away.

Today I let myself hate him a little more for making me stay away. For ruining one last thing for me.

I couldn't let my head keep spinning like this. If I sat here with my thoughts I'd never let myself repair things with Ronan. I'd rile myself up until I hated him to the point of no return. I'd go through all the things he did and ignore any of the good just to twist him into the villain.

I needed to get my mind off of it so I grabbed my phone and hit the one contact I actually wanted to talk to.

"Hello?" His voice was smooth and low over the phone.

"Hey." I sighed bringing the cigarette back to my lips needed the crutch.

"Are you okay?" Adam asked.

"I don't know, probably not." I shrugged.

"You want to talk about it?"

And I found myself wanting to talk to him. I wanted to let my problems free. So I said yes and started at the beginning.

I told him all about my argument with Ronan as he sat on the other side of the phone listening to every word.

A/n:

I'm going to be honest, my mental health has sucked lately. I'm just like pushing myself through day by day. I was debating if I was even going to bother with a post today but it's my last day at work before I get a break for the holiday so I trying real hard to keep it together.

Things with my dog aren't good and I'll probably have to put him down soon because I don't want to force him through suffering just so I can have my dog for longer. It's really going to suck and I'll try to keep you updated if I have to skip a post or something. I'm just trying to focus on spending time with him and getting my mind on a good track so I can actually handle losing him.

Sorry that got super depressing but I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

-Cora Leigh