Every Part Of Us

21. Choosing happiness

Reid pov:

This was the second Tuesday I'd come home expecting a quiet house only to find Ronan home. He was supposed to have his therapy appointments on these days but lately Ronan had been home a lot. Even on the days I knew he had therapy or would usually be out. Ronan was always home.

I didn't usually see him though. He was like a ghost living in the house with me. I'd hear him messing with his bike in the garage late into the night or I'd see the light on in his bedroom. But it wasn't often that I actually saw him and it was even more rare that we spoke any words to each other.

It was bad, I knew it was bad and yet I couldn't get myself to do anything to change it. I was losing him and most of the time I was too angry to care.

Today was different. Today Ronan was leaned against the kitchen counter shirtless when I got home. It was a surprising sight and not just because I hadn't seen my brother much in the last week.

It was because he wasn't wearing a shirt. Ronan was always covered. Even during the times Tiffany dragged us to the beach, Ronan never took his shirt off. I had never really bothered to question it even when he complained about how hot it was that day.

But now he was shirtless in our kitchen laying a bandage across his side.

"What happened?" I questioned breaking the long silence between us.

"Cut myself on one of the tools at work." He didn't even look up at me as he turned towards the sink flipping on the water.

There were moments in life. Seconds or minutes that seemed to go by slower. Or moments that time didn't really exist at all.

This felt like that. The second Ronan turned his back on me time seemed to stop. My whole world seemed to stop.

They were everywhere.

Small circular scars littered Ronans back. His shoulder blades were a mess of burn marks and the circular marks danced all down his back, following along his spine.

I wanted to scream.

Or maybe throw up.

When he turned back around with that blank look on his face it felt like time resumed. I was back in my kitchen staring at my brother as my whole world had shifted all over again.

I had so many questions. I wanted to pull all the answers out of him but at the same time I was scared. I was fucking terrified because if I really thought about it I felt like I knew what those answers were.

I wasn't ready for my world to blow up again.

"I thought you had therapy on Tuesdays." I said not wanting to ask the questions dancing around in my head.

The more the thoughts spun the more I felt some of those missing puzzle pieces start to slot together. Moments growing up that I started to see slightly different.

I pushed it all out of my head. I couldn't let myself fall down that rabbit hole. I couldn't let myself because if I did I had to admit I'd missed someone I loved suffering twice in my life. I'd stood there and was blind to all the signs of the abuse Connor had went through and I had almost lost him because of it.

Right now I felt like all of that was happening again. I'd missed signs over the years and I was losing my brother because of it. It wasn't a fact I was ready to face. So for the moment I pushed it all down and focused on anything else.

"I stopped my sessions."

I didn't know what to think. Ronan had been going to therapy once a week consistently since his motorcycle accident. I didn't know what would make him decide to stop going but I just hoped that I could trust this was a good decision.

I felt Ronan slipping away everyday and I knew I was partially to blame but I wasn't ready to lose him completely. I didn't want to wake up and realize I was living with a stranger.

I felt some of that familiar anger rise up. After everything I couldn't let it go and every time I felt that anger I also felt the guilt that came with it. I didn't want to be angry, Ronan was my brother and all I wanted was for him to just be my brother.

I was snapped out of my thoughts at the doorbell going off. I didn't want to walk out of the kitchen. It felt like this was a moment I shouldn't let slip away. I should try to mend this thing between Ronan and I but the doorbell seemed to break it all up. Any chance I had was gone and even if I wanted to try to talk to Ronan it was too late. He was already turned and started walking out of the kitchen towards his room, not even bothering with the door.

I pushed it all down again. Everything I was feeling had to be shoved deep as I left the kitchen. I'd have another chance and maybe then I'd try to get those answers I knew I needed.

When I opened the door I was surprised to see Cass standing on the other side of it. Cass had gone totally MIA a few weeks back and part of me expected that she wouldn't show back up. She moved around a lot and I wasn't expecting her to stick around for long.

But here she was. It was surprising.

"Come on we're celebrating." She pushed her way into my house shoving a bottle of wine into my arms.

"Celebrating what?" I asked closing the door and following her into my house where she already threw herself down on my couch.

"I got fired." She twisted the top off her own bottle and tipped it back.

I let out a sigh. I wasn't totally surprised by the news. I didn't know if I really wanted to celebrate considering how long it'd taken all of us to find Cass this job. But no one had thought she'd keep it for very long.

"What'd you do?" I questioned.

"Apparently they don't like when their employees have a real fucking life and can't come to all their shifts." She waved me off.

I wanted to ask where she had been but I figured she tell me if she wanted to. While Cass talked a whole lot she didn't really share much. There was a lot about Cass that she'd kept to herself.

"So back on the job search?"

"God no that felt like being tortured and I'm choosing happiness." She took another sip from her bottle.

"So what exactly does choosing happiness look like?" I didn't think choosing happiness was what was going to pay her bills or her groceries but I wasn't going to push it.

"For the moment it looks like getting drunk with my very best friend." She smiled.

And I couldn't tell exactly what it was but something was different in her. It might have been the way that smile didn't quite reach her eyes but something had shifted. Cass was missing a part of herself that had made her the Cass I'd come to know.

But for now I'd let her have her happiness and I twisted the top of my own bottle open and took a sip.

A/n:

I'm feeling a little frustrated this morning. One of my stories got deleted by Wattpad. I don't usually back up my stories just because it takes a while for me to transfer it all. But I don't want to lose any more of my work so now I've got to start the process of creating a backup for all of my stories just in case this happens again.

It might interfere with my writing. I don't know how long it will take to do all of this so if you don't get an update next week or there is a short break I'm sorry and I promise I haven't disappeared. I'm doing my best to not let this get me down and just keep pushing through.

Thank you all for your continued patience with this book and my upload schedule.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter.

-Cora Leigh