Every Part Of Us

24. Want

I felt eyes on me for millionth time.

I knew Reid had been shooting me looks and I felt my stomach twist up at the fact. My hands shook where I rested them on my thighs. I shouldn't be nervous, we'd been sitting and talking for hours. It had felt nice to just be here with him.

I liked this.

But my mind was stuck on something else. Expectations that I'd put on us. I knew what was normal and I wanted so badly to be normal.

I wanted to reconfigure myself until it fit this picture. We were two people who liked each other and as much as I knew it was okay to take things slow, I felt like I was stalled with no going forward.

I was content exactly where we were. I was happy with short kisses and long nights just spending time together. But at some point there needed to be progress and I was pretty sure that this was all I could give.

Would Reid really want me if this was all I could give him?

I knew the answer. I knew it deep down because I was sure that no one would accept this broken mess once they saw it. So I let my hands shake and stomach twist.

I wasn't ready to see the truth. I wanted to hold tightly to what we had and not let it slip away. I was sure that I'd give Reid anything just to stay in this moment.

And maybe that was the solution. I could just give it all so I wouldn't lose what we had started. I liked Reid, I liked him more than I'd liked anyone before.

This was different and maybe if I took that step again it would be different too.

This time when I felt those eyes on me I let my head turn. I pushed down all the thoughts and just let myself want.

I wanted this. I wanted it with Reid.

I held onto that want with everything I had. I didn't want to lose that, I didn't want this to turn into what I feared it would. I wanted this want to stay in me even when the kisses turned into something more.

When Reid started to lean in, I met him right in the middle pressing my lips against his. It was everything I had wanted. His lips moved slowly against mine and I was so sure that this was different.

I liked Reid. I thought about him just like Jake had said he thought about Evan. My thoughts somehow seemed to keep being stolen by Reid. Most days it felt like I was consumed by Reid.

This was the next step. This is what you did when you liked someone.

I let that thought push me forward. I pulled Reid's body closer to me. I let our bodies touch in as many places as I could manage. I let him tighten his grip on me as lips moved faster almost like he was trying to devour me.

I fell into it like this was just like all those perfect kisses. My fingers threaded into his hair keeping him as close to me as I could.

I wanted this.

I wanted this.

I felt myself start to tense as Reid's hands moved under my shirt. I wanted to feel close to him like this.

There was a feeling under my skin that was fighting to break out. It wasn't that good light happy feeling I felt when Reid kissed me. That want was slipping right through my fingers. I wanted to reach out and find it again, to hold on tight just so I could get through this.

I didn't want to lose Reid. I didn't want this to be over.

I pushed through. I pushed it all down and just focused on Reid. I liked feeling close to him. I liked spending time with him.