Derry Girls: Impossible to Ignore

Chapter 22: Friday Mornin' Announcements

It was Friday at Our Lady Immaculate College, one day before the school dance, and a few weeks before graduation. Tensions were fairly low since test results were out and all the Girls knew they'd be graduating. But Sister Michael was looking a bit more annoyed than usual at the podium, making many feel nervous.

     "Graduation... is upon some of ye," she began in her usual dry tone. "It is a time of celebration for many, for a variety of reasons. For some, it's going on to the next phase of their lives. For others, it's the anticipation that ye'll never have to deal with certain students ever again."
     The Girls couldn't help but suspect the headmistress was referring to them; and they swore she shot them a quick glance.
     "Did she smirk at us?" Clare asked in a whisper.
     "Catch yerself on," scoffed Michelle.
     "Under normal circumstances, the graduation ceremony would just be havin' to listen to some dull people ramble on with nonsense speeches, followed by handin' out diplomas," Sister Michael continued. "And this year will be no exception. One of our students, Jenny Joyce, came to me recently saying she wished to give a valedictorian speech. As there are currently no rules against this, I figured might as well go along with it. God knows it can't be any worse than the usual tripe spoken at these. Of course, she wanted to talk about in some more detail."

Sister Michael motioned the ever chipper Jenny Joyce to the podium, so she could elaborate. There were a series of awkward claps and audible groans from the crowd.
"Hi, guys!" she exclaimed in her typical sing song tone, which got some more groans and eye rolls. "Given the recent events of this year, what with the Good Friday Agreement passing, I thought it would be absolutely fabulous to try somethin' different for graduation!"
"Shoot me in the face," Michelle sighed.
"As your class of 1998 valedictorian," Jenny continued. "I've gone above and beyond the call of duty to make these past few years a grand experience!"
"Where the fuck were we for that?" Michelle chuckled.
"But, of course I don't want to be the only one having fun," Jenny exclaimed. "So, we're giving other students the chance to give speeches well!"
"Christ, but I need a drink," Sister Michael said under her breath.
"I took the liberty of hangin' a sign up sheet on the hallway board," Jenny went on. "Unfortunately, we can't let everyone give a speech, so it's gonna be a painful selection choice for some. Plus, our sole male student, James Maguire, already agreed to give a speech, to talk about his memorable experience here."
"Excuse me," James said in a wide eyed response.
"So, that leaves 3 more spots open!" Jenny exclaimed. "Cant wait to see all the names to choose from!"

     "When the fuck did ye agree to that, Ball Ache?" Michelle asked.
     "Never!" James exclaimed. "I draw enough attention as it is around here! This is the last bloody thing I need!"
     "How the hell could she ask James and not me?" Erin asked in frustration.
     "She didn't ask me!" James retorted.
     "She said there was gonna be a sign up sheet, she did," Orla pointed out.
     "That's right!" Erin exclaimed with a big grin.

Erin and Michelle immediately put their names on the board. They were in fact the only ones to write their names.
"Ye can't be serious right now, Michelle!" Clare exclaimed.
"What're ye cackin' about this for, Clare?" Michelle asked.
"I know ye're plannin' some fowl mouthed speech talkin' shit about the school and everyone ye don't like!" Clare replied.
"I'm hurt Clare," Michelle exaggerated. "I just wanna be involved in the activities of my peers."
"Even I know that's a load of balls, Michelle," Orla dryly replied while snacking on some random sweets.
"Even if I were plannin' that, dear Clare," Michelle continued, still acting innocent. "What the hell do ye care? We won't be comin' back."
     "It's rude!" Clare squeaked.
     "Jesus, are ye Paddington fuckin' Bear?" Michelle groaned.
     "She is tiny, cute, n' round like a bear hi," Orla said with a big smile, causing the wee lesbian to blush.