ᴛʜᴇ ᴋᴇʏ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ | ꜰ!ᴄʀᴜꜱʜxꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

dead eyes

Y/n pov! First person! TW : mentions of depression, overreacting, suggestive comments, swearing! (in the first few paragraphs) (keep myself safe)

days until summer : 40!

I always thought that my way of living was good, today I realized that fan-girling over c/n isn't doing me any good. Okay, I admit, I realized this a long time ago. Maybe I'm overreacting again?

I've heard those comments way too many times over the past six months of... Call it torture? I'd call it, betrayal. Nevertheless I can expect to become worse because of that, maybe I have depression. No, actually I most likely have depression. I barked out a laugh, startling Em.

"What's wrong? Did [fictional character] finally reject you?" She asked with a gleam in her eyes, she knows me too well. 

"... I'm telling C/N today." I stated, I'm not going to regret this. Nu-uh. Em's eyes widened.

"No way? You have the balls?" She gasps in feign terror.
"hey! gender is what's in my pants" I retort, snorting about her dark humor.

"Emma, come here to a moment" Our homeroom teacher called her. Yikes, Em's not a straight-A student, despite her origins. I wished her good luck silently and she mouths the same back. Can't help but wonder, why? Why do I confess to C/N in the first place? I worked on my science homework, I can finish it, right? Nah I'd rather watch anime to be honest. I open Pinterest out of urge and reflex and look at memes.

"Y/N why are you laughing?" Asked my nicest homeroom teacher ever, man, he's legit the best. 

I was looking at :

I snort, and tell him that I read something wrong, and continue scrolling on Pinterest. Well, until homeroom was over. Once it was over I got my things ready for art. When I reached the art room I peeked in and the previous class in it (for homeroom) was still in it.

Oh. My. God. Is that- C/N in there? 

I remember I had never knew where her homeroom was, well, now I guess I know. I held my computer case against my chest with my sketchbook underneath, and peeked in again from the window on the door, ah SHIT are they coming out? They are, flip flip flip. I scurried around the little hall around the art room, wondering what excuse I will make since my classmates aren-

"Hi, Y/N!" Katie said behind me. Speak of the devil.

"Hi, Katie!" I responded with a smile, turning to the door just in time to see C/N walking out. I was watching her walk out, something with her eyes didn't sit right with me... When I figured out what looked off, it was, her posture, her aura, her eyes-most importantly. It just... Was so. Un-natural, she didn't look like the same lively C/N I love and know.

Wait. wait. Love?! I gulped, there was no turning back. I'm not denying it. 

Oh geez. I walked into the art class and started sketching a little picture of me and C/N as little chibi figures.

 What I like about the art room is that theres like.. Paper on the tables, not like print paper but like actual big paper lined on the table. How to call it? I quickly search up "big roll paper" and found it's called kraft paper. Yeah.

"Welcome class, we're starting on our new unit, or you can call this our dream project work!" My attention immediately returns to my teacher and I close my computer. "The project is a two perspective work and you design your own dream room to draw!" My eyes sparkled, I love these kinds of projects.

I stopped paying attention at the useless questions my classmates asked, like;

 "Can we draw our own room?",

 "What if I can't draw?",

 and my personal favourite : "Can we use Pinterest?"

 Because my school is basically so laid back on these platforms and things our teacher agreed, which surprised me, but then again they are pretty chill. I already have pin open, lol. I compile my things into slideshows, then corrected by Ethan, remember him?

"You're supposed to put it into one slideshow you dummy" He scoffed and did it for me, nice of him? I guess? I felt a sinking pit in my hip area, oh dear. Not that time I dread but always am happy about. 

"Um, Mrs. Hill. I need to go to the washroom." I tell my teacher on the way out, she nods and doesn't stop me. The moment I close the door I run to the nearest washroom, which is upstairs past the older grade's lockers. Never understood the meaning of only giving the grade sixes (me) and then giving the rest of middle school and some of senior school a bigger locker space, can't we all share? I grab my bag out of my locker and rush into a stall, I was right. Man. I mentally sighed and placed a pad on. Do I have to deal with this shit until I'm 60? 

I come out of the stall and walk past a open door, there I see C/N in french, leaning on one arm and the other looking at the door. We notice each other and lock eyes. I quickly act like nothing happened and returned to my locker, put the bag back, and quickly ran for the life of me.

I swear I heard a chuckle.

But her eyes, her eyes. They were dead eyes.

aaaaand I don't know how to end chaapters. leave me alone i know shush. 

959 words