ᴛʜᴇ ᴋᴇʏ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ | ꜰ!ᴄʀᴜꜱʜxꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

deleted

art doesn't belong to me!! (character, Dazai Osamu BEAST AU)

--

days until summer: 21

May 10, 2023. 6:59AM

tw: mention of depression! ☺︎

C/N POV

Okay, so problem.

Why did the email disappear? I guess it really was a dare, huh? So, we can go back to living our normal lives?

silly lauren

Wrong 😭

what do you mean wrong???

i mean like

it was a dare

wdym 'wit wa sd a dare'

gilury what

*girly

but seriously it was a dare like theres a one in million chanece

right cause she likes you you dummy

you dingus

you

you 👆

FAK wrong emoji 

no swearing keep it pg silly

🤓

crap you 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭

but no she does like you 

RIGHT TOTALLY LMAOOOO 😭

she does???

c/n sent an image

man why owuld i lie

geto =fine btw 

☺︎

tf................... gurl ar eyou liike leavning me on seen 😭

💀no i'm not

i gtg i'll 

tell you

later

*talk to you

seen at 7:12AM

I get up from my bed and get changed into uniform, dress pants and the cardigan. Not the #1 uniform but mostly no one cares unless it's a whole school gathering thing...

"C/N! Not no.1 uniform again?" Lauren asks me when I see her at school.

"Yep. You aren't either" I remind her, and point to her loose navy pants. Lauren likes those loose clothes but uniform rules forbids her from wearing anything else than the cardigan, dress pants, tie, tunic, kilt, blah blah blah. 

We walk silently to our homeroom, we pass 201 which is usually the french room. I remember when me and Y/N saw each other on the way past, it makes my heart heavy again. We walk downstairs and into the art room, our homeroom. 

"Good morning, C/N!" I pause as Y/N voice rings in my mind, it's just Peter, saying hi. Their voices never sounded similar, what... I say good morning back and sit at my usual spot with Lauren and my other friends, feels nice, to be with others who believe in me no matter what.

Class starts shortly and attendance is taken, my class doesn't have that much of naughty boys but I hear that 7B has a few, there's only two grade 7 classes so I think that most of the boys who make trouble are put in 7B. One person comes in late but I can't pay attention, maybe it's because I lacked sleep, maybe it's because I just rejected Y/N, maybe I feel guilty and now my body is punishing me.

Maybe, something's wrong with me... I bite the inside of my cheek.

Maybe I have depression, Ocd, ADHD, and a reading disability. Of course I'm joking but, looking at my current life it is pretty stressful, I guess. I know others have it worse, like Gauri P, she works like 18/7 on badminton, studying, reading, she wants to be a governess someday. Oh to dream big. I wish one day, she'll achieve that goal, she deserves that much.

"C/N!" (geez i almost wrote the girl i based this character off's name... darn this fic is getting personal) A soft voice says good morning to me. I recognize the voice, Y/N? 

I look up, a dusty yellow ceiling looks back at me.

Darn, I dozed off. Fortunately, no one noticed. A math worksheet is handed to me, I take out my pencil and look over the equations, triangular theory? We learned this last week, why isn't my brain understanding it?

Should I ask the teacher or should I just sit here and guess, part of me says yes and part of me says no. My head spins, why is being in rejection so hard to focus on education too?? Dad was right, as usual. 

"7A! I forgot, a grade six class is coming in here for their art class, we are going to go up to 205 for math." Our homeroom teacher calls and we stand up with our bags, I didn't even stop to recall that its usually Y/N's class in here for art. I make a dash for the door and hurry out with the rest of my class, I can't bare to see her face.

random dazai screenshot lol i was being silly while reading beast

anyways soryr for the short chapter, now the endings will end like with a screenshot of something to signal the end

yeah my writing got some crap but dw i guess- writing era return when?? 😔😔😔

next update might be a while but i hope it'll be long this time