Dear Brendon (and fans),
Things change. I know. But I can't help but miss the days when you secretly held my hand in the dark venue full of broken kids just like us. I miss the secret kisses in the back alleys, graffiti expressing the emotions of so many who can't speak their minds. Dirty converse, rough skateboards, garage practices, eyeliner, dreams for the future. Now that I have everything I want, where do I go from here? Coffee in the mornings, paparazzi waiting outside, kids with their dreams fulfilled pushing others' difficulties down. No more helping those who need it, just another band filling the radio as white noise. No more meaning. Robots doing what is expected. Afraid to disappoint the people who should make us fell accepted, not intimidated.
Things have changed my darling. Please don't be scared if I start to cry over the nostalgia. It just gets difficult sometimes. Seeing everyone grow up while I still feel the same. I'm changing on the outside because that's what's expected. My mind still wants to be a normal teenager in 2004 playing music for the fun of it.
Can we please go back? Maybe for just a day, just a minute. I want to feel the rush I felt when I first looked at you. Your big brown eyes, dark hair, nervous voice. I welcomed you, or at least I tried to. I convinced myself it was the thrill of a new friend but I was well aware it was more. I loved you. And I still do. Can we go back?
I didn't appreciate it enough back then. Now I'm just an adult with the same problems as a teenager. I should be happy and sensible now. So why is it that I still spend my nights questioning my reasons for being alive? Why do I still feel sad when I'm with the ones I love? Why do I feel unloved when everyone is constantly telling me how much I mean to them?
Oh right. I haven't moved on. Unresolved arguments with my mother, disappointing my family, these things I can never change. It's hard to let go of things you can't change. But I want to tell you this, I love you. Sometimes you're the only reason I hold on. Please don't feel like you will ever do anything to make me love you any less. I guess I just feel helpless sometimes. But please tell me one thing, okay? For all of our fans, don't ever feel worthless. Sometimes at night when you feel sad and confused just think about this. You have affected so many lives in a positive way. The world would be incredibly different if you'd never existed. It's okay to be sad but you are worth everything. You deserve that hug from your crush, that extra point from your teacher, that reply from a celebrity. If it makes you happy don't think about not deserving it. Each and every one of you deserve to live and change the world for the better. Don't give up.
That is all. I hope this made some sense. I know that many of you will be able to relate so I hope this could change your perspective on some things.
Love,
Ryan
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You Clicked Your Heels And Wished For Me (Ryden)
Fanfiction*SEQUEL TO FOLKIN AROUND (RYDEN)* Brendon introduces Ryan back into the band, however it's a big change for Ryan. Being constantly bombarded by fans and paparazzi sends him spiraling downward, crumbling beneath his own mind. *Trigger Warning- SH, de...
