The Pseudo Semicolon

CHAPTER 9: Better Off Dead

Devland sat outside the emergency room, his feet tapping impatiently on the ground. Some of his father's friends were there with him, trying their best to comfort the boy but they all knew—they all knew that they were lying.

Devland was the reason why his father got hit by a truck.

He wanted to cry again but the tears wouldn't come out. Of course it wouldn't—they never appeared when they were needed. He felt... what? He felt guilt, he felt pain, he felt fear, he felt numb. His emotions were all tearing him apart and he didn't know what to do.

Devland didn't even realise his mother had arrived until he heard her screaming. She yelled the things he already knew as the others struggled to hold her back.

After she calmed down, she wouldn't even look at Devland. The young boy simply sat in his seat, mute and deaf to the world around him. When the time arrived that he could finally visit his father, his mother turned to face him, her eyes fierce. "You are not welcome here."

And she slammed the door shut.

Devland managed to drag his feet, managed to walk away as shame burned inside of him. He walked from the hospital all the way back home, his feet aching, his hands trembling. Devland opened the door and was met with silence and the dark. He quickly turned on the lights—just in case it was waiting for him, just in case it wanted to fuck with his mind again.

The rest was a blur–he remembered taking a shower, he remembered putting on fresh clothes and currently, he was lying on the floor, knees brought up to his chest.

'Why–Why can't I do anything right? Why do I hurt the people who love me? Is this why I'm alone? Is this why nobody wants me?' Devland thought, clutching his shivering hands, 'Mom is right—I'm better off pretending to be Max. Devland Beckett hurts people, Devland Beckett doesn't know how to feel–he doesn't know how to make friends and he doesn't make anyone around him happy. He's a curse, a misfortunate blight on this world. Nobody wants me around—they all want Max. Why did you leave Max? Why did you leave me alone? I thought you were always gonna be by my side. But I guess that's my fault too—If only I wrote back to you, if only I had risked my neck in trying to deliver all the letters I wrote for you–this wouldn't have happened. Its my fault—it's my fault—'

Devland heard the distant sound of someone tapping on his window, he looked up and saw a familiar face. He didn't know what to do except stare as the person gently opened the window and let themself in.

"I heard... about what happened." Akira started as he sat down in front of Devland. The latter was confused; Why was he here?

"Please leave." Devland requested, his ribs barely managing to keep his lungs from exploding. "You'll get hurt if you stay here longer."

Akira soundlessly pulled out a first-aid kit from his bag, opening it up and pulling out some gauze and bandages. "Figured you weren't taking care of yourself."

"Fukumoto—don't." Devland pleaded, "You have to leave. It's not safe here."

What was he doing? He sounded crazy right now—but Devland didn't care. Images of Akira in the place of his father flashed through his mind and panic settled over him like a wet blanket. "Fukumo–"

"It wasn't your fault."

Devland's eyes widened, "What?"

"The accident. It wasn't your fault."

"How do you know?" Devland asked quietly, rage and guilt building up inside of him like a turbulent sea, "How do you know when you weren't even there?"

"You—Devland Beckett—jumped into ongoing traffic? Nah, it's kinda hard to believe. You're not that stupid."