The Pseudo Semicolon

CHAPTER 12 || PART: 4

"You wanna hear about my problems, Beckett?" Akira's voice was low, dangerous. He finally faced Devland, his black eyes hard as stone. It wasn't filled with rage, neither disappointment, it only contained sadness. "Do you want me to open up to you?"

"I–Yes–but not like this." Devland added hastily, trying to salvage what was left. God he was so bad at this, he was so bad at making friends and keeping them, so bad at reading other people.

"No, I'll tell you. Hmmmm where to fucking start, huh?" Akira pretended to recall old memories, "I used to live in a dirty, shambled apartment and had to share my bed with three different kids. Food was a fucking luxury that I could only afford maybe once a day. Maybe. If I was fucking lucky. Gangs and thugs ran my little town and I had to fight and steal for food, for shelter, for clothes. Do you understand? I'm not like you Devland, everytime I hang out with you, or is even seen talking to you, I can hear others saying how wonderful you are, how you are so charitable and shit.

"When I moved here at fourteen, I had to leave my best friend behind. The life here is better, I atleast get food everyday. I'm here on a scholarship, Devland, and my family cannot afford college. That's why I put up with those assholes, that's why I'm their fucking 'errand boy' as you called me back then."

Devland's eyes widened as he realised just how insensitive he had been. "Shit—Akira I'm so sorry—"

"And do you wanna know what's even more funny?" Akira asked slowly, "My best friend kissing the guy who beats me up everyday, who blinds my eye and bullies me mercilessly when no one is around."

"I didn't know!" Devland wailed, he felt tears brimming his eyes. This was all wrong–so horribly wrong. "Akira, I didn't know I swear!"

"My grades are getting even worse." Akira snapped, "Because I hang out with you and join you for every ridiculous shit you pull, my grades are the only thing that can help me have a better life. You won't understand that because you have good grades, Devland. You never had to struggle to survive."

Devland stilled, the tears suddenly vanishing from his eyes. Now, he felt numb. "No, fuck you." He started, his voice devoid of emotion as Akira's eyes suddenly widened, "I may not have suffered as much as you—I may not have had to fight for food but I did have to fight for my life. Everyday in that damned house, I was fighting to survive—one wrong move, one misstep, and my mother would duck me underwater and hold me there. You probably know how it feels, you probably know how it feels like to drown—but you've never had to experience drowning by the hand of the person who's supposed to love you."

Devland took a deep breath, his body trembling from the cold—fuck he left his coat behind—and tried to calm himself down. "This isn't a trauma battle by the way, I'm not in any way saying I've had it worse than you. You've been through some really terrible shit and I'm sorry for not noticing that you were being bullied sooner. I'm sorry for kissing Todd and I'm sorry for distracting you from your goals. I'll leave you alone after you send me the location. It's okay, I understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore after this."

No, it wasn't okay. Devland felt his heart break nearly a thousand times during this entire argument. He wanted to cry again, he wanted to scream and beg Akira to not leave him, to continue being his friend. 'Goddammit.' He thought, his body slightly trembling, 'I fucked up.'

"You don't mind if I sit down a bit, do you?" Devland asked and Akira, who seemed to be in shock, finally got out of his reverie and nodded. Devland plopped down onto the sidewalk, bringing his knees up to his chest to muster up some warmth. He could feel the waterworks but forced himself to stay unemotional, to stay cold. It would make it easier for Akira to walk away if he needed to.

He jolted when he felt the black jacket wrap around his shoulders and stared at Akira who sat beside him.

"I'm also sorry." Akira apologised, his voice sincere, "It wasn't your fault at all. It was my decision entirely, to continue being your friend, to continue..." He trailed off, "...Anyway, I never blamed you for my marks decreasing. I guess I was just so mad when I saw you kiss Todd that I just–" He mimicked an explosion, " —It wasn't fair. I know, I get it, and I am really sorry. And you're right, you didn't know—How could you know if I never told you?" Akira chuckled and despite everything, Devland felt warmth spread through his chest.

"Thanks for running after me, Devland." Akira said softly, "Thanks for not letting me go."

Devland didn't know what to do—he was a fish out of water when it came to dealing with emotions. He cleared his throat and tried not to stumble over his words, "I could help you with your marks. I'm a fast learner—I could teach you, whenever you want. The only thing I need in return is... you."

Devland thought it was all done for when Akira stiffened slightly against him, before the boy relaxed and let out a chuckle, "Deal."

"Good." Devland said as Akira unconsciously leaned his head against the other boy's shoulder. Devland found himself smiling, a genuine one that only conveyed one emotion; happiness.

He roared with laughter when Akira suddenly realised what he did and shuffled a few inches away, blushing a heavy scarlet.

"Bobby was the one who taught me how to steal—" Akira said hurriedly, "He taught me all sorts of things actually. He was my best friend."

Devland's smile slipped from his face as he finally noticed the past tense that Akira used when it came to Bobby. "Oh shit–shit–" He immediately started removing the jacket but Akira simply laughed and stopped him, his palms on top of Devland's.

"It's alright. The jacket looks good on you." Akira said softly as he squeezed Devland's hands, "Everything looks good on you to be honest."

Devland felt himself blush. He wanted to say that Akira also looked good; he looked beautiful with the moonlight showering his face, he looked beautiful with those sparkling eyes that reflected the night sky, he looked beautiful with his sly smile and pink lips, his body–his everything.

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

Like honey glittering in sunlight, like dewdrops on rose petals, like the sun after rain, everything.

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

"You also look... less ugly than usual." Was all Devland could manage through his haze. Akira lightly slapped his arm before moving closer and settling his head back on Devland's shoulder.

Now usually, Devland would've rejected the touch. But this? This felt good.

This felt nice.