The second wife

Chapter 7

Akiko P.O.V.

Ever since that night, Jinshi spends a lot of nights in my room, or I in his. I thought it would make me feel better, but instead it makes me feel very lonely. It's almost like he wants to get me pregnant again as soon as possible. Going on my walks helps, even though it's cold and even though there's a lot of snow. It brings me a lot of peace. "Akiko-sama?" I look up to see a man in front of me. He looks like Basen. I smile slightly. "Good morning" I say. "We haven't formally met. My name is Gaoshun. I'm an attendant of the emperor, but I used to serve Zuigetsu-sama" he says. I bow my head to him. "Nice to meet you" I say. "Please don't bow to me. You shouldn't" Gaoshun says. "I'm sorry." I say, smiling awkwardly. Gaoshun smiles, as he seems to understand my struggle. "So, how can help you?" I ask. "Do you mind if I would walk with you for a bit?" He asks. "Not at all" I say, and so Gaoshun walks with me. "I heard about the loss of your son. I'm very sorry" Gaoshun says. "Thank you" I say sadly. "Zuigetsu-sama is very distraught about it also." Gaoshun says. "He was?" I ask. "I never thought I'd see the day, that he would be excited to become a parent. But he was. He was very excited. It hurt him deeply that someone killed the baby" Gaoshun says. I don't respond, as I don't know what to say. "I know that this is a difficult place to live, as a woman. As a second wife, when you were not supposed to" Gaoshun says, making me look at him. "But know you're not alone. And not alone in your grief." He says, and stops walking as we reach the palace. "Thank you for accompanying me." I say. "You're welcome. I need to go this way, thank you for your time" Gaoshin says, bows and leaves. I walk into our wing. "On a walk again, in this weather?" Jinshi asks, looking out. "Yes. Do you mind?" I ask. "Not at all, but isn't it cold for you?" Jinshi asks. "No. It's calming" I say. "The snow will soon melt, and I thought I'd have a walk through the snow while I still can" I say. Jinshi smiles. "Alright. Let's warm you up with some tea" he say, opening a door for me.

I don't look up when I hear my bedroom door open. "Is she unwell?" I hear Mao Mao whisper. "I'm not sure, her maids have been sent away constantly" I hear Jinshi answer. They open the curtains and I put my forearm on my eyes. "Are you unwell, my darling?" Jinshi asks. Meanwhile I feel Mao Mao's hand on my forehead. "I'm not sick" I say. "Then why are you sending your maids away, when they want to dress you, or bring you your breakfast?" Jinshi asks. "They're a nuisance" I say. "A nuisance?" Jinshi asks surprised. "That's out of character" Mao Mao mumbles. I groan and sit up, in my bed. "I'm grieving, Zuigetsu-sama!" I say annoyed. "I'm sad. I think about Tian constantly" I add. I groan and wipe my eyes. "I'm lonely, my family isn't here, my father died too... I just" I hesitate. "I know that you care. But I was happy being pregnant, I felt like I had a cause. I was meant to be Tian's mommy. Now I feel useless, besides being lonely." I say softly. "Akiko..." Jishi says softly. I step out of bed. "But I'm up now! I'm up and about. Are you happy now?" I ask, as I walk over to the window, where the broken furin is still hanging, but also where Tian's memorial stone is, on a table. For a moment I lift it, put it against my chest before putting it back, and light an incense for him. "You're allowed to be sad, Akiko. You're allowed to grieve" Jinshi says. I look at Mao Mao and Jinshi. "You're not useless. You help me out a lot and your herb and medicine knowledge is on par with mine. You're a great help" Mao Mao says. "I can't take away that you feel lonely. I'm sorry to hear that you are. But we're here, always. Always if you need anything." Jinshi says. "It's not like the inner palace where you would've been alone. You're not alone. We're not alone" Jinshi says, almost like a plea. For a moment I don't respond. "I apologize for my behavior. I'm just a little lost with my emotions" I say, and sigh while running my hand through my hair. "It's fine" Mao Mao says. I look out the window. "The snow is melting." I say, placing my hand on my stomach. "It's getting warmer" Jinshi says, carefully. Tian.

I walk into Jinshi's bedroom, to find both Mao Mao and him there. "Why is my stuff being packed up?" I ask. "Oh there are some renovations being done. It'll be in storage until it's finished" Jinshi says, suspiciously cheerful. "Both our rooms at the same time?" Mao Mao asks dryly. "Yes, unfortunately" Jinshi says. "So... where are we supposed to sleep?" Mao Mao asks, hesitantly. "My bed is big enough" Jinshi says, cheerily as he gestures to his bed. "You have to sleep in the middle, Akiko. I don't want to sleep next to that pervert" Mao Mao says. "What?!" Jinshi says disappointed. I smile amused. "It was just a joke, beds are being readied for you." Jinshi says, sulking. "Couldn't you have found another room for us?" Mao Mao asks, as she sits down on Jinshi's sofa. It's obvious she's teasing him. "Is it so bad to want to have my wives with me?" Jinshi asks annoyed as he sits down on the other sofa across from her. I let them bicker and walk over to the bed that is being readied for me. I place Tians memorial stone, my father's and a tray for incense on a table near my bed. "Tea will be brought soon. I know it's less than ideal, but it's how it's going to be for the next few weeks" Jinshi sighs. "I was just teasing. It's fine" Mao Mao says. It's oddly comfortable hearing them go back and forth, and when I see the smiles on their faces, I know they feel the same. Even if they won't ever admit it. I do not belong here. Not at all. My heart hurts, because I want to. I turn around and walk to the window that is near my bed and the table I put the memorial stone on, and hang the furin in front of it. "What's that?" Jinshi asks. "It drives away bad spirits" I say. "It's broken" Jinshi answers. "It broke when my father died. He gave me this" I say. "I see" Jinshi says softly. I look out the window. The view is great. "Come, have tea" Mao Mao says, and when I turn around there's a teapot with cups on the table. I walk over and sit down next to Mao Mao. The silence is somewhat comfortable, and uncomfortable at the same time.