The Fall

46. Let's have that chat now, Barnes.

JULY 21, 2018 — AVENGERS COMPOUND — BUCKY

After breakfast is over, Tony pulls me aside.

"Let's have that chat now, Barnes."

I nod, and follow Tony as he leaves the kitchen and heads to his office. Once inside, he turns to face me, leaning against the desk.

"So, you've been spending time with Réa? At night...in her room?"

I swallow audibly, nervousness pinging in my gut, but I maintain eye contact with Tony.

"Yes."

"I need more than a 'yes', Barnes."

I sigh. "It's not...we haven't...I..." I pause, trying to figure out the best way to say this. "The first time was the night of the party. I went to see her because there was something I needed to...to tell her."

Tony's silent for a moment; I can practically see the gears turning. I can also see the moment realization hits.

"It was you...wasn't it?"

I nod, knowing what he's asking.

"Is that why you keep visiting her?"

"No. At least, not entirely. Yes, she saved me...but it's more than that. I liked spending time with her in Wakanda, before I knew that. And I like spending time with her here. She's kind, and smart, and funny. She's loyal, and compassionate, and vibrant. And she...she treats me like I'm just me. To her, I've always just been me." I inhale deeply. "And when I'm around her, I just...I feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be."

Tony nods. "You have feelings for her."

I notice it's not phrased as a question, but rather a statement.

I nod. "Yes. I do."

"I see. And what are your intentions?"

I sigh. "Look, Tony, I know why you're asking. I know that she's like a daughter to you. And I can assure you that I have nothing but respect for her...I have no intentions aside from just wanting to be around her; to spend time with her."

I pause, looking down at my hands, my gaze fixed on the vibranium one, but instead of the greyish-black metal, for a second, I see silver. I blink, and it's gone.

'I shouldn't want her...she's light, and I'm darkness. But I can't stay away from her.'

"What if she returned your feelings? Then would you act on them?"

I stare at my vibranium hand a moment longer, then lift my gaze back to Tony's.

"She told Nat and Wanda about the prophecy; I was there when she did. I know that she has a soulmate. That means that there's someone out there who's meant to be with her...who she's meant to be with. As much as I wish it was me, I'm not delusional; I know it can't be. I don't deserve someone like her...and she deserves far better than me."

I inhale deeply, exhaling heavily.

"But if she ever gave me any indication that she felt anything for me beyond friendship, then yes...I would act on my feelings."

I pause again; when I speak, my voice is thick.

"Even knowing that I'd lose her eventually, and that I'd have to see her with someone else, I'd still act on them. And if she never gave me any indication that she wanted anything more than friendship, I'd continue to just be her friend. Because any type of relationship—any time—I have with her is better than having none at all."

Tony stares at me for a long while, his gaze appraising.

"I'll admit, the reason I put you on her floor—even though plenty of others had open rooms—wasn't just because I knew about your nightmares. I was feeling a little meddlesome after seeing you two in Wakanda. Pepper will tell you that I get that way sometimes," he grins slightly. "And I'm going to be a little meddlesome now. I think you should go talk to her."

"I did. Well, I tried. Wanda sent me to Réa's pond earlier, to check on her...it, uh, it didn't go well. She's upset with me. I'm guessing because I told everyone that I've been with her every night..." I trail off. "I didn't mean to blurt it out, but I was so angry at Anderson, and I wanted to defend her, that I just didn't fully think it through. In hindsight, I should've just said that I hadn't heard anyone else on our floor, but like I said, I just wanted to defend her."

"I noticed at breakfast that she avoided even looking at you. So, yeah, I agree that she's upset with you, although I think your reasoning as to the 'why' is incorrect. And I can't tell you what to do—at least in regard to this, since it's not a mission—but, I know Réa. Something about her is...off. She was acting similarly—though not at this level—after she had to stop visiting Wakanda...visiting you. The past few weeks, she's been back to her usual self, which I attribute to you, knowing you've been spending time together."

He pauses.

"Réa struggles a lot with self-doubt when it comes to interpersonal relationships. She has difficulty trusting that people care...given the way her life has been, that's not surprising. And while Pepper and I have helped, as have Rhodey, Happy, Nat and Wanda, the relationships she has with all of us are familial and platonic. And I know her well enough to know that whatever she feels for you is neither of those. Of course, she won't admit it—I don't know if she even fully realises it herself." He pauses. "I think you should try talking to her again, Bucky, and I think you should do that now. After all, there's no time like the present."

After a beat of silence, I nod, then leave his office.