hell gets a alien ( X Reader hazbin hotel and helluva boss)

truth seekers

Agent three: Right there! This was the first sighting.

Agent four: They Are Definitely From Hell except that one guy who looks human? They must use this dark magic to cross over into our world... and they seem to be killing specifically targeted people. But, why?

Agent three: They always attack at random, aaaall over the country. There's no way to predict where they'll show up next!

[A loud clattering noise is heard from outside, followed by a stock angry cat sound. The two agents immediately glance over to a barred-up window obscured by heavily damaged blinds. Agent Two makes a gap between the blinds to the outside to see what made that noise. The agents then see the source of all the racket: Blitzo, standing on a box and a dumpster while holding the dumpster lid open. He looks around suspiciously.]

Agent four: Ahhh, well... That's convenient.

[Cuts to Blitzo outside, standing on trash bags and holding a dumpster lid open.]

Blitzo: Shhhhh! Remember, we can't be seen.

Y/n: learn how to get a human disguise then.

Blitzo: coming from the guy who's a alien who could just solve this mission in seconds.

Y/n: I'm not always gonna be here to save your ass blitzo.

Blitzo: shut your pussy sucking lips y/n.

Y/n: at least I get pussy and can keep it.

[Blitzo slams the dumpster lid loudly, but then falls backwards into a pile of trash bags. Millie silently chuckles at his predicament, then walks away.]

Moxxie: Pardon my words, sir, but you're currently being the loudest.

[Blitzo jumps up out of the garbage pile covered in trash; he has an old newspaper on his forehead, a half-eaten lollipop stuck to the side of his head, a scrap of paper on his horn with an old banana peel impaled on the end of it, and a used condom on his index finger, the same finger he uses to poke Moxxie's face indignantly.]

blitzo: [softly] i said shuuush your dick-sucking lips, moxxie!

Y/n: No offense moxxie I don't have a argument there.

Moxxie: I am bisexual

Y/n: you are? Huh you do learn something everyday

[Moxxie steps away from his boss for a short moment, likely grossed out from Blitzo's condom finger, as he notices a portal opening behind him. Loona is seen on the other end and Millie jumps into it, waving to you. Moxxie begin to walk towards the portal but is suddenly tackled to the ground by Blitzo, barely missing a net being shot their way.]

Blitzo: GET DOWN!

[Agent One cocks his net launcher, readying another capture net. Blitzo looks behind him and sees Agent Two jump down on a rope from a building, landing in front of the portal.]

Y/n: shit run!

You grab a trash can lid and toss it like a frisbee at Agent 3, striking the weapon in his hands. He yelps in surprise as it clatters to the ground. Agent 4 attempts a roundhouse kick, but you grab her foot and kick her in the leg, causing her to yell out in pain before you toss her to the ground. Loona is holding the Grimoire with a conflicted expression.