[KULANI]
I woke up in his bed and I found a text from Mabontle, judging and laughing at me. This is my husband. I don’t need her permission to allow him inside me. I can’t wipe the smile off my face as I send her a sassy GIF. She tells me that I will find her gone and that she’s already at the airport. I feel a little guilty for being here all lovey-dovey with Kurhula while she is going through the most. We also need to go back home. This wasn’t exactly an intentional vacation, I just needed to clear my head. I watch him sleep on his stomach. He’s exhausted after all the workout we got up to last night. His hand is even hanging to the floor. I don’t have any clothes here but I need to freshen up, I will use his toiletries. When I’m done, I find him still lights out. I want to go take my stuff so we can leave together. As I’m about to walk out, I get an idea when I catch a glimpse of his wallet. I close the door and walk towards the pedestal by his side.
There’s a card in here that he doesn’t just use. Kurhula is not a penny pincher but he despises reckless spending. So why not hit him where it hurts the most? The only time I was allowed to touch it was when mine was giving me issues and I had to go to the bank to have it fixed. Today he’s gonna know that I graduated from Aunt Lydia’s Academy and I got a distinction in the module of Managing Finances in Heterosexual Relationships. I take my slides off and start walking out barefoot because I cannot risk him waking up. I request on my way out of the hotel then get to my place to change. A pair of jeans and a tank top will do. I don’t plan on staying long but I do plan on causing a huge dent and doing some damage here.
‘Girly?’ Aunty Lydia answers my video call.
‘The shopper that you deceived me with yesterday. Does she actually exist?’
She clears her throat. I need someone who knows what they’re doing here because shopping was the last thing on my mind.
‘If you asking if I do have a shopper, yes ma’am’
‘Can she meet me at the V&A waterfront? It’s an emergency?’
‘You sound sneaky. What are you up to?’
I scoff. ‘Let’s just say, your son is in deep trouble’
‘I had hope. You didn’t fix things last night?’
‘Oh that we did’
Almost broke the bed while at it but I am not going to tell her this.
‘Look at you being an overachiever of a disciple. I am proud of whatever it is you plan to do. Let me dial Onicca and see if she’s available’
I wait for her to come back to me.
…
[NARRATED]
‘Charles? Have you seen what time it is?’ Kurhula answers the phone from his private banker.
‘It’s ten in the morning and my concerns are growing because it sounds like you were sleeping’
‘Ten?? I very much am. What do you want dude?’
‘I see large amounts of money getting spent at a very suspicious speed here’
He sits up on the bed and grabs his wallet to check if all his cards are there. He finds one missing.
‘Where is all of this happening?’
‘Cape Town. Are you there? Should I block the card?’
Kurhula starts putting two and two together when he realizes that Kuli is not in the room with him.
‘Give me one second. Let me confirm something real quick’
He cuts the call and dials his wife.
‘Hi hubby’ she casually answers.
‘Baby. Where are you?’
‘The mall. Why?’
‘Do you maybe have something that belongs to me there with you?’
‘Something like what?
‘I don’t know,a bank card maybe?’
‘Oh that. Yeah, maybe I do. You were sleeping so I didn’t want to disturb you’
‘Are you seriously scamming me, Kuli?’
‘I wouldn’t call it that. You said you’d do anything to earn my forgiveness, right?’ she speaks in a sulky tone. He sighs with frustration.
‘Not like this. I don’t even want to see how much you’ve spent because I know you. Charles wouldn’t have called if it was nothing to worry about’ he complains and she laughs.
‘Relax. I’ll be done soon. Love you, bye’
‘KULANI?’
She cuts the call before he could get through to her. Charles calls him again.
‘Are we blocking it or not? What’s going on? Are you being scammed?’
‘Yes I am but it’s personal. Don’t block the card otherwise you’ll be throwing me back into trouble. Thanks for the call’
‘You have to give me a more sound explanation’
Kurhula pinches his nose bridge and rests his head against the headboard.
‘Women. I am paying for my sins here’
Charles laughs. ‘Ohhh. You’re not the first, nor the last. Happens all the time. Strongs, buddy’
‘Nxn. Thanks man…’
The next call he receives is from Fikani.
‘What do you want bro?’
‘Taking out your marital frustrations on me? Ungan’ toloveli meh boet’
This forces Kurhula to breathe.
‘Kuli is going to be the death of me’
Fikani laughs. ‘What happened? Did you manage to resolve whatever it is driving the both of you crazy?’
‘Even in your sleep, fear women. They’re straight from hell’
‘You still haven’t answered my question’
‘If my heart stops and you see her crying at my funeral, please ask her to leave and go back to her father’s house’ he continues to complain in a vague manner.
‘Mfo, I am gonna cut this call because I cannot keep asking you what’s wrong like a broken record’
‘She’s busy scamming me as we speak and I don’t know how much she’s prepared to spend. Voetsek, don’t laugh…’
Fikani fails to contain himself.
‘Whatever you did to her is surely unforgivable because that doesn’t sound like Kuli at all’
‘We’ll speak later. Lady Bester is here’ he says when he sees her walking in with her paperbags and luggage case.
